Creeva’s World 2.0

Tired of receiv­ing mounds of unso­licited let­ters and offers in the mail? Want to fight back? Want to get rid of that old tire in your garage that the garbage man won’t take? Then read on.…..

If you’re curi­ous why this doc­u­ment was devel­oped, it was due to the hun­dreds of unso­licited let­ters sent to me by a very annoy­ing com­pany called MCI. They love to mail peo­ple unso­licited let­ters 1–2 times per week despite request­ing to be taken off their mail­ing lists. Well, here’s a com­pletely LEGAL way to fight back against idiots like MCI. You can mail their junk back to them for FREE using their own postage-paid envelopes. The only catch is that it will be attached to 50 lbs of addi­tional junk you’ve gath­ered from around your house (rocks, bricks, old shin­gles, etc.). This works, so please read on.…

Step 1 — Take those annoy­ing postage-paid envelopes that you get in the mail and stuff them full of any garbage you may have (other envelopes, din­ner scraps, etc.). What­ever trash you can squeeze into the enve­lope will mean less trash you have to take out to the curb later in the week. Feel free to include any orig­i­nal forms that the spam­mer sent you that includes your name and address, so they can per­haps take you off their mail­ing lists.

Step 2 — Find an old box that can hold a con­sid­er­able amount of junk (or weight). Make sure the junk you’ll be mail­ing back can fit inside. Don’t use your favorite box, as the recip­i­ent will prob­a­bly not mail the items back to you…

Step 3 — You’ll be mail­ing your postage-paid pack­ages via the United States Postal Ser­vice (USPS). The USPS says that you can use a postage-paid enve­lope attached to any object or pack­age (no dead ani­mals, bombs, etc.) as long as it weighs no more than 72 lbs. Be sure to max­i­mize the weight of your pack­age, within lim­its, for the ulti­mate effect and cost to the spam­mer. Old tires are great objects to send since the garbage man usu­ally won’t take them!!! Shin­gles, tires, rocks, bricks, and basi­cally any form of junk will work just fine. You can even tape the enve­lope to a large rock if you want.….it’s all LEGAL.

Step 4 — Insert your junk object into the box. If there is any extra room, and you have not exceeded the 72 lb max­i­mum, but sure to insert more junk. Check your kitchen trash can for old milk car­tons or opened cans. Per­haps, even some large rocks from your dri­ve­way will fill the voids?

Step 5 — Neatly seal the box with pack­ing tape. If you’ve stuffed your pack­age with objects like shin­gles, which tend to shred into small pieces and fall out of the cracks, be sure you’ve sealed the entire box. Try to secure any loose objects that may cause the guy at the Post Office to get too sus­pi­cious. They’ll already be very curi­ous why you’re mail­ing this type of pack­age. If they try to give you a hard time, be sure to advise them that this is totally legal and you have the right to do so as long as you are within USPS guide­lines. Any postage-paid enve­lope is legal.

Step 6 — If you just so hap­pen to receive unso­licited mail from MCI, be sure to join my cru­sade to make them stop the junk mail­ings that clut­ter our mail­boxes. Mail that postage-paid enve­lope back to them either attached to a 72 lb rock, or just by itself (stuffed with as many old torn envelopes as pos­si­ble). Either way, it’ll go back to the sender at their expense. You won’t have to take out as much trash this week, and you’ll feel good know­ing you’ve per­haps given a sig­nal to the spam mail­ers world­wide who clut­ter our mail­boxes with their unwanted garbage. Hey, if you’re mail­ing one back to MCI, be sure to tell them I sent you.…and give them all my love.

Step 7 — Secure the postage-paid enve­lope to the box with pack­ing tape. For some extra laughs, tell all your friends what you’re plan­ning to do. Email them this doc­u­ment so they can share in the fun.

Step 8 — Take one last look at the final pack­age before you make your way to the post office. Laugh out loud and then tell more of your friends what you’re about to do.

Step 9 — Take the pack­age to any post office in the United States. Smile and hand the per­son at the desk your pack­age. Tell them this is a postage-paid pack­age and they’ll haul it off to the back­room. From there, it’ll be sent back to those mass-mailing idiots where they’ll have to dis­pose of your garbage. Pat your­self on the back for doing your good deed for the day. Repeat process when required. Enjoy.