Last night was strange. The first part being strange is that I actually had a dream that I can remember. From my normal perspective I dream next to never. I’m aware of the human dream mechanisms that everyone does dream, but normally I am unaware that I do it myself.
When I was living in Oregon my great grandmother passed away, unfortunately my wife never had a chance to meet her. She was considered the “not completely normal” one of the family. From my perspective, especially now, I can say that she was probably one fo the most normal one of the family. She was also one of the ones most like me. She had a voracious appetite for reading and absorbing knowledge. She didn’t also believe in popular opinion and would find things in her own way. I think part of her problem was she was born in the wrong era. I think she would have been absorbed and delighted in the Internet and the way things are today.
The dream mostly consisted of a normal visit where she was staying at my grandparents. There was just normal talking and I was my current age for whatever reason. There was nothing contextually strange or out of place and no significant incidents occured. When she did leave I was crying and my grandparents were questioning why I was upset. I was going on how she had gotten her doctorate (she hadn’t IRL) and how she was a great woman. How her views and ideas mattered. In the dream I had almost worked myself up to a frenzy. Then I woke up.
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was my face was soaked and covered in tears. This was one of those dreams that bled over from the dream world to the real world. I can say I truly miss her, but I don’t think of her that often, and definitely not as often as I should. I have a few pictures of her and they stand around being a testament of where I’ve come from. My grandmother used to save up books and give them to me. I still have quite a few of those books she has given me over the years. She was a strong lady and I think that life moves on in a strange way.
Why am I writing this? I think i just want a testament to know that I’m still not in a dream. That this is what is real. Grief is a hard thing to deal with and sometimes it hits you at the strangest of times.