If You Publish Something Online About Someone – Are You Talking Behind Their Back?

October 28, 2008

by — Posted in Family and Friends, Personal Writing

My family has always talked about each other behind their backs.  Back and forth, just some things don’t get said.  I’m more of a lay it on the line and let it hang out.   My brother and I don’t see eye to eye on most thing.   I’ve already started in on my mother online.   Is this however still talking behind their backs?   They all have the url to my homepage.   Most of my family at least check my site out in passing.   I don’t see how I could be more public about it.  I’m not secretive, but I also don’t send out a blaring e-mail saying “I JUST WROTE ABOUT YOU ONLINE – YOU BETTER READ IT NOW”.

The reason this comes up goes to a yahoo group I used to manage of just close friends a few years ago.   I was egged into talking about another friends marital problems on the message board.   These issues were not a secret.   My post only stated that we should give them support in their time of need.   Ironically the people that blasted me the most in regards to “talking about this other couple behind their backs” were the ones that were spreading this the most through IM and phone calls.   Everyone on the list new, but it was secret since it wasn’t in the open.

This type on mentality is what pisses me off the most when it comes to the “behind the backs” argument.   If everyone already knows and you speak about it publicly to get the whole thing out in the open, how is it behind their backs?  Since I’ll be writing a bit about my mother, and I won’t keep any e-mail comments she sends me to myself – I’ll lay it out in the open.   It won’t be behind a closed door – it will be transparent like glass.   If she wishes to have a discussion in the comments where everyone can read what she has to say, the more the better.   I’ll be happy to have it out in public.

This is having things out, secrets just destroy people.   I share my life online because it’s cathartic.   I do abide by certain rules.   If you send me an email it’s more then likely not going show up on my blog.  I respect and adore privacy, even when I will share so much of myself online.   I love having discussions in public, if I’m wrong – show me I’m an ass.  I don’t mind.   I’m well aware there are consequences to all of my actions.  I’ll own up to those and suffer accordingly.  Let’s have it out and start a discussion.  If your part of it, I definitely can not be accused of talking behind your back.

8 thoughts on “If You Publish Something Online About Someone – Are You Talking Behind Their Back?

  1. From Vox

    Leicca wrote:

    loL Creeva, I actually have a super sekrit blog that absolutely no one in the world knows about where I post about my family! I gripe, bitch, complain and air out our dirty laundry all without ever mentioning their names.

    It gets it out of me so that it doesn't rot into some nasty grotesque waiting to ambush me in my dreams. You should try it, it's almost cleansing! :D

    It is more cause my family is all super sensitive though and I cry easily when confronted so it is better for me to be anonymous about it :D

  2. From Vox:

    Creeva replied to Leicca’s comment:

    well I guess you can write about someone behind their back online then :P

  3. from Vox:

    Leicca replied to Creeva’s comment:

    Are you saying your talking about me behind my back?!!?! :D

    Heh, I never got around to addressing what you posted, thats what happens when you start a post then walk away for several hours… all thoughts just blow right out of the head.

    In your case, with your family, no it ain't talking behind their backs. If they don't read your blog, but know about it then, well that is apathetic on their part. It is the same as if they were sitting in the other room spacing out staring at a wall while you talked about them in the kitchen.

    The way I see it with your blog, you are reaching out to family by giving them the link so it is their loss if convo comes up about them and they are not there.

    Now as for the yahoo group you mentioned wow they sound like a bunch of ass hats, leave that memory in the dust and forget about them. It sounds like they were just looking for a reason to blow up.

  4. From Vox:

    Creeva replied to Leicca’s comment:

    Oh that was just par for the course since it was populated by people form my small home town – small town mentality caring forward on the web

  5. Your more likely to bring things out in to the open when you hear a tidbit of “gossip” and that's definitely not a bad thing, it just lacks tact. I on the other hand am very aware I lack that social gene and try (key word is try) to keep my mouth shut . I am very likely to just stick my fingers in my ears and go, “Lalalalalal.” , until the gossiper stops speaking and then tell them as politely as I am able(which admittedly usually comes out way more harsh and blunt than I intend) that I won't be a party to this nonsense. If the source wants me to know about it he/she will tell me in their own good time.

  6. Your more likely to bring things out in to the open when you hear a tidbit of “gossip” and that's definitely not a bad thing, it just lacks tact. I on the other hand am very aware I lack that social gene and try (key word is try) to keep my mouth shut . I am very likely to just stick my fingers in my ears and go, “Lalalalalal.” , until the gossiper stops speaking and then tell them as politely as I am able(which admittedly usually comes out way more harsh and blunt than I intend) that I won't be a party to this nonsense. If the source wants me to know about it he/she will tell me in their own good time.

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