Rather building up to the explosive end, I figured it better to start at the end and show how it built up to that. Hopefully this will allow me to end this journey with something nice to say. Since we’re not finished yet I guess I won’t know. My family is screwed up, tht’s not a lie. I don’t think however it’s any more unique or screwed then anyone else’s. So I guess as I go through this journey I will classify us as normal. Some scenes may seem absurd. Some will seem strange. I however grew up with a better life with then some people I know so she would be responsible for that. However i can’t go home again. She told me so, I have no home except my own.
Tomorrow I’ll give more background leading up to the last day I talked to my mother face to face, however we’re looking at that day first. Time to go back 2.5 years ago. I arrived over to my mother’s house to help my sister out. My sister had special juice my father had purchased for her (i don’t remember why), and it was being drank by my other siblings (not my fathers children). My youngest brother, was actively allowed to enter her room at all time and she wasn’t allowed to lock her doors. My mother was actively looking to drive her out, though she was waiting until she graduated.
I came over to come to my sisters rescue. The first thing my mother does is deny any of this happening. Then she comes and admits it, but comes up with excuses on how the different things happen. At this point trying to maintain the peace all around I offered to bring in a mini fridge for my sister and buy a lock for her door since my mother can’t maintain boundaries for my youngest sister from both my biological parents. Since my sister was the last one of the four of us in the house, she got it hte worst. All the problems that the rest of us went through kept compounding on her (why my sister talks to her now I can’t fathom).
The first excuse is that my mother won’t have a locking door in her house because my sister doesn’t need privacy that no one would invade her space. Secondly she said she wasn’t going to pay the electric bill a mini fridge would cost, my step father at this point came down the stairs and started to chime in. I told him to shut the hell up (ok I used stronger language), the man who had abandoned my mother for over a year had no say in this dicussion in my book, he had been back less then month.
I had heard my mom cry about how much she hated him. The main reason they got back together? The noble thing would be to say it was love, maybe it will be again for them. However my mother’s excuse to me over the previous month of deciding if she was going ot take him back was two-fold the first is that she didn’t want to die alone – fair enough. The second was the part that disgusted me, she didn’t feel she had to work. She complained that this was her time to enjoy with grandchildren and she shouldn’t have to work. She told me how she was going to pay all the bills with her inheritance and be happy. That was the life she always envisioned and she was upset she wasn’t going to get it. She sounded like the preppy girl complaining that she came in second place in a beauty pagent, and if she cried and screamed loud enough someone else would fix it.
She got back together with him, not for love, but live a more comfortable life. Why I won’t explicitly say that, someone who lies in bed with someone else for money as the primary reason…….
I knew this, my siblings knew this, my wife knew this. He held no power over me and I wasn’t going to have any of it. He had put my mother through months of pain, helping my mother out because of this was part of the reason I moved back to Ohio from Oregon. I had been a part of that house and family for many years. At this point he asked me to leave. As I’m walking out I’m still arguing on my way to the car. My mother told me the words that are opposite of what I’ve been told that a mother is supposed to say – she told me that it wasn’t my home anymore.
I had grown up my whole life with my mother telling me that it would always be my home. She however would choose to be with her part time husband and choose his side over mine. It wasn’t the first time she did that though. My step father told me to never come back and I wasn’t welcome there anymore. So be it. My mother has relinquished what she wants or believes in for her comfort. She tries now to deny what she said (like she always denies what she says) but my wife heard it also and her jar dropped. My wife had seen the drag out fights amongst my family, and this wasn’t the worst. This was my mother clinging to safety and the fear of being alone. If I thought she did it because she wanted to, because love made her do strange things, then I would forgive. My mother is more calculating in protecting herself though. She will protect herself over the expense of others.
For the record if my step father ever shows up on my door step, the first thing I’m doing is calling the police.
This is the incident that is the proverbial straw. Does it sound stupid? I’m sure it does. I won’t deny it. Starting tomorrow we’ll be working on how we got to here.