One of the contingencies of helping out my mother was that she worked forwarding helping herself. Xie made this clear that this was a stipulation, no hand outs for my mother. I completely agreed (I actually believed in this before Xie said anything). With that being said we planned on helping my mother get through this and move on.
Little did I know…….
My mother worked maybe 4 hours a week helping out at the school system (I’ve heard now she has a full time job), this had been going on for sometime. For over 20 years my mother seemed incapable of getting a job that took her away from home or fun time for more then a few hours a week. She had a a few part time jobs, after her first divorce she did a stint in college that lasted a whole one semester – I was her proof reader and grader. I think I even typed up her papers. However she never took a job.
I’ve seen mothers in cities begging on the streets for their kids. I’ve seen parents struggle and work extreme hours to provide for their kids. From what I have seen my mother is incapable of those kind of altruistic intentions. As long as she is comfortable and can have someone else support she is in heaven. If she is running lean, she goes to my grandparents. She will go to my grandparents before attempting to do something on her own.
When we came back it didn’t look like she was going to get back together with my stepfather. She would literally cry about how she didn’t deserve what was happening to her. She would cry because she didn’t have money to fix up the house. Never once did she cry about providing for her children. We kept telling her to get a full time job and support herself. She wouldn’t hear of it. She said that day care would cost too much. We were ready for that excuse.
Xie and I offered to be full time babysitters for free. This was so she could go out and get a job and provide for her own family. She once tried to do a pity story on me implying a some financial support. I would not give her any money. I had told her that when I first moved back and I was sticking to it. She was an adult. She chose a path in life and she had to deal with the consequences.