A Month With Mom – Part 9 – Favoritism

I don’t have my child yet, let alone more then one. I do however suspect parents have a favorite child. If not a direct favorite, at least a favorite to do certain things with. My parents were no different. I could pull out favoritism on my father’s side, but that doesn’t matter, when that was evident and apparent I didn’t like him very much. My mother on the other hand is what this piece is really about anyways.

My mother’s favorite child was either the trophy child or the youngest child. Sometimes they were the same child, other times they weren’t. I’m not going to say I was never the favorite child, I was quite a bit. i was the oldest child of her six, so being the first I’m sure she always had a bit of pride in me (of course now that this web series has ran….). But like most families the youngest child, the baby of the family, was always doted upon quite a bit. As far as i can remember I never minded, so that never bothered me.

The trophy child on the other hand was my brother immediately behind me. He was as spoiled as my youngest brother. He seems to have turned out just find, though a strong sibling rivalry is still there. Now I’m sure the question s why is he the trophy child. Well at one point he decided that he wanted to live with my father.  This was all well and good and lasted a few months (year?).  Until he started getting disciplined.

On a weekend visit to my mother, my brother just didn’t go back to my fathers.   My father didn’t fight custody over the matter, if my brother wanted to live with my mother, so be it.   The key is that my brother had hardly any rules placed upon him.  He was the biggest wild child of all of us.  That doesn’t make him a bad person, he seems to have turned out alright.   I don’t care that I had more rules placed upon me, I’m the oldest, it’s my job to take the brunt of everything.  I’m perfectly fine with that.   Maybe that’s why I’m so accepting of life now.

My brother got away with this because back in my mother’s brain, if she didn’t indulge him, then she would loose him again to my father.   My father and brother were very close when he was younger, this was my mother’s way to split a wedge in there.   It took years for my brother to talk to my father again, a lot of this is because of the poisoning that my mother had done.   He was her trophy over my father and she wasn’t going to let go of that.   I’m sure he doesn’t look at it that way, or is even aware of it.

My sisters on the other hand got both the poisoning against my father (it didn’t take) and none of the perks.   Even a decade after my brother had left the house, my sister (from the same father) had a much harder time and more rules placed on her then any of hte rest of us had.   She was actively disciplined, yelled at, and talked down to.   I’m sure my youngest brother won’t ever go through and be treated that way.  He’ll be coddled and spoiled, and probably living with my mother until he’s thirty, or at least until he wises up.

In the end it works out though, my brother can do no wrong in my mothers eyes (heck she even drank with him underage).  She has the same blinders towards him that her parents have towards her.   He gives her love, he doesn’t question her, he doesn’t push her to be a  better person.  Since they view the world in similar ways and there is no tension between them, he has become her perfect child. During my mother’s latest separation my brother even told my father that she didn’t have to worry because we’d take care of her. I’m not sure where this “we” comes from. Never was I going to financially support my mother, even when we were getting along.

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here

Read Part 7 Here

Read Part 8 Here

  • Xie

    Correct me if my memory is a bit muddled but there were a few ways you talked about helping out your Mom that definitely would have lessened her financial burden, nor was it the complete hand out I think your brother intended. You would help her as far as she would help herself. Unfortunately she never helped herself. Maybe I should clarify. When I said “she never helped herself”, I mean “never helped *better* herself”. She was and I am sure still is pretty gluttonous over her portion of the “deserved” pie.

  • creeva

    Oh I was definitely going to help her – I laid this out in some of the early articles in this series. I just wasn't going to hand over cash at all, I new if I did the home shopping network would have gotten the bulk of it.

  • Xie

    Correct me if my memory is a bit muddled but there were a few ways you talked about helping out your Mom that definitely would have lessened her financial burden, nor was it the complete hand out I think your brother intended. You would help her as far as she would help herself. Unfortunately she never helped herself. Maybe I should clarify. When I said “she never helped herself”, I mean “never helped *better* herself”. She was and I am sure still is pretty gluttonous over her portion of the “deserved” pie.

  • http://creeva.com creeva

    Oh I was definitely going to help her – I laid this out in some of the early articles in this series. I just wasn't going to hand over cash at all, I new if I did the home shopping network would have gotten the bulk of it.

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