My Mother, a grown woman now in her 50’s is still scared to death of her father. She will do anything to avoid getting a lecture from him, this includes just telling him what he wants to hear, regardless if she is sincere or not. My grandfather does have wisdom, but at the same time he doesn’t understand the world I live in, so I will challenge him, or tell me when he is wrong.
My mother on the other hand sometimes gets upset and will snap at him, but for the most part she cows down to him, or turns to my grandmother for support. I think in her mind, if she attempts to placate him the issues won’t be there, the fear she has, the feelings of inadequacy that she seems to show after dealing with him. She tells me I don’t understand. I do understand, my grandfather is one of the most intimidating people in the family. My siblings are still scared of him, we also all adore him. My wife thinks he is just like a big gruff teddy bear – I’m not sure I would go that far…
If my grandfather showed up at my mom’s house unexpected and she noticed him, well then she would attempt the ten second clean up as he walked to the front door. I know she loves her father, but she (at the time anyways) dreaded his visits because she knew she was going to get lectured.
Like I said I stand up to my grandfather, my grandfather once asked my mother why she doesn’t stand up to him like I do. Maybe it’s a challenge to help her grow. She has somethings she definitely needs to work before she is capable of not being that ten year old girl in his shadow any more.