As I’m filling it out one of my friends left a message that I should stop fiddling with my timeline since no one cares.   Granted that is not quite true since I care, but every life object I added spammed all my friends that I add X,Y, and Z to my timeline.   I had already done quite a bit, so I decided to slow down my importing information.    Overnight I decided that since I can not get my data out of Facebook, I really didn’t want to put it in. Privacy and oversharing doesn’t bother me.   Most of the information I was going to add is mostly public accessible via my blog or other public means.   Why would I want to spend hours upon hours doing this on Facebook, when only I would enjoy it and there is no long term strategy to migrate the data out into another format?

I am on the hunt for an alternative.  I posted yesterday that I am aware of the wordpress plugin (which unfortunately doesn’t give you date ranges).   I am also aware of Memolane, which from my reading didn’t have a method it output the data in a reliable format (I don’t think you can output it at all).   Currently there doesn’t seem to be any method to do anything similar with any open data standards.    I would love to have a private (in my own home) timeline that would include details and things that I would never share on the open Internet.     The dream would be for it to subscribe to a calendar and pull in data from there, arrange pictures by date taken, and be able to pull in data sources from RSS feeds, twitter, and other sources to give a comprehensive view of my life that I could work backwards in time from.

Once the data sourcing problem is solved I would love it if videos, pictures, and text in flat html files/ directories as well as a database.   This would give me the power of portability with the speed and comparison of data that you could do with a database.   For me this would be a win / win design.   Your data would always be able to be recovered, copied, moved, and backed up easily.

I was explaining to Xie last night that it is a catch-22.  I don’t obsessively record my data since there is no good way to store or visualize it.    Since I can’t find a method to store and visualize it to my liking – I don’t obsessively record my data.   I do have a WordPress installation on my laptop that aggregates more information than even my public blog does – it really however is a hack and not really good enough.  The hunt continues….

So far gone:

• Jaiku
• 23HQ
• Tagged
• Ping.fm
• Pixel Pipe
• Plaxo
• Identi.ca
• Brightkite
• Friendfeed
• Bebo
• Multiply
• Typepad
• Streetmavens
• Myyearbook
• Photobucket

So today I wanted to discuss what you would need to do to actually winterize one of your old online accounts.    I’m slogging through the internet and doing cleanup, but then again I was the king of Internet 2.0 account sign-ups.   That’s not to say that every piece of information I gave them is accurate – just accurate enough so I can get back in.

While it’s too long to post here (I’ll do a quick rundown tomorrow) companies are making money off of your information.   You need to decide if you want to leave that information with them so they can keep generating revenue.  For the most part where I can I’m opting out.

So let’s look at the steps I consider full winterizing your profile if you are closing it down, but keeping it active so no one else takes your username.

1.  Backup your account to the best of your ability.   You do not want to lose information that you actually took time to generate.  You also should keep an archive for posterity.   I’m importing all I can into a local wordpress installation and also keeping it in email.   In theory I could recreate the account later if I wanted to.

2.  Go through your friends list and unfriend everyone.   This may seem rude, but at the same time you aren’t going to be there to interact with them anyways.   If this is an account that you sometimes use, the polite thing to do is to send friends a note on how they can contact you.

3.  Change your name and profile information to the best you can.  Some services allow you to change your name.   For these services I change my name.  I change my email address if I can to a toss away address that I know is only used for specific purposes.   I adjust my address to somewhere nowhere near me.   I remove any and all contact information I can.  If I can’t remove it I change it to something that is incorrect.

4.  Delete all blog posts.   For someone like me who used to crosspost like crazy this is the hardest part.  It is quite a bit of deleting and confirming.

5.  Delete all pictures.  Once again I would remind you to make sure you have backups of all your images.  Nothing hurts worse than losing an image where you deleted your only copy.

6.  Delete all status messages.   Once again if you are prolific this is going to take some time.    You may want to leave one last status message saying goodbye or where you can be reached in the future.

7. Disable all notifications.   Do you really need to be receiving from a service you don’t use anymore?

8.  Lock down the privacy of the account as far as you can.   This is too make sure that you haven’t missed anything.

Once you are done with this you should leave only a shell of an account.  Depending on how the site monetizes and their data retention you have made any future data requests meaningless.   You also can be assured if you have kept your account active that no one is going to take your username and impersonate you.

You may still run into a problem if the service deletes your account due to inactivity.   Depending on how long it’s been, and if everyone knows that the account is dead, this may be an ok alternative.  This is going to be a judgement call.  Hopefully it’s a service you signed up for once and never really used.  At this point there should be no harm in freeing up the username.

The reason I am posting this is due to my large scale content push a few years ago.  I used to push all my content to the far reaches of the known universe.   This content will still exist in web archives for decades to come.   I however can’t really keep track of it and decided to start going through a ritual cleanup.   Making sure all that get’s posted is mine and I know where it happens.  At the very least this is going to help watching my metrics, since I’ll know where someone looked at this picture or watched that video.   The problem with this is the manual effort it takes to actually login to a service and wipe out your information.

I’ve started on killing my livejournal account (I exported all the entries first), I have way too many posts over there.  It is going to take me hours to manually delete all the entries………

1. Mask
2. Body Suit
3. Belt
4. Cape
5. Separate Boots we purchase (which by the way looked perfect)
6. Luke and Vader (Empire Strikes Back Style Battling) Trick or Treat Bag
7. We also purchased him a lightsaber which he didn’t get in his hand until Saturday

My father also managed to dig out my brothers old full helmet mask.   This helmet includes a voice changer and separate buttons that can do Darth Vader quotes.  It is soo much better than the current one they have out in the stores.  The current one is a half mask that doesn’t cover your whole head.  Thankfully my father managed to find that helmet, I actually have an identical one, but it’s still in the box.  I would have opened it …….. but now I don’t have to.

We wanted to dress up in costumes to compliment his.   First choice of course would be Storm Troopers, but for the money and quality you get the only choice was the Supreme Edition Storm Trooper Costume.  As much as Xie and I would both love to own our own sets, we could justify spending around 1500.00 for two of these outfits.  So that was out.   We ended up buying two Darth Maul costumes and added in the Deluxe Sith robes.   For the overall look it worked pretty good.   So we had Darth Vader  and two generic Sith Lords to walk him around.   In the end it was good we didn’t do the Storm Trooper costumes, parents were not allowed to cover their faces in costume at the zoo.

Saturday we went as a family to “Boo at the Zoo” in Columbus.  This was really Lex’s only opportunity to trick or treat because tonight is too late to go out somewhere and drive.   Our town actually (for some illogical reason we didn’t realize until it was almost over) had trick or treat last Thursday.   Let’s look at that for a second.  Why the heck would you have it on Thursday October 27th?   I read online it was going to be the 28th and that makes a little more sense.   Weekends and Friday nights make sense.   October 31st makes sense.   Thursday October 27th makes no sense.

Lex had his costume and was excited for his first Halloween experience.   So we found out he could wear his costume and trick or treat at a place he loves, we jumped on it.   Like all families we did attempt to get out of the house much earlier in the morning.  Like most families this didn’t turn out to be the case.   We did rush out fast enough that we had to feed Lex breakfast on the road.   We stopped at the Waffle House at the I-71 Delaware exit.   While it isn’t the first Waffle House I’ve been in, it actually is the first I have eaten at.   This one (other than the effect they accept credit cards) seems to be trapped in 1977.   The food was ok, but it was a grungy time warped experience.   At around 3 we finally made it to the Zoo.

We all got dressed in the car.   The reason I mentioned that Lex knew what was in the costume (even though he had only tried it on once) was the belt.   At first we thought we forgot the belt.   He noticed this immediately.  After digging we discovered we did have it.   Thankfully avoiding the meltdown of Lex noticing the costume was not “correct”.   This was his Shakespearean acting, and nothing was going to be wrong with it.

Just walking in we started to get strange looks.  There was very few parents that dressed up to take their kids out.  We purchased our tickets and walked in getting all sorts of looks.   It wasn’t supposed to rain, but it did for about 15 minutes.   Every time we go to the zoo somehow it rains, not matter what the forecast is.  Thankfully this was short unlike the Noah worthy rain from the last time we went to the Cleveland Zoo.   As soon as the rain ended Lex didn’t want to ride in the stroller.   He insisted that Darth Vader walked.  He received a ton of compliments.  Some people thought he was dressed as the kid in the Super Bowl commercial.    Unfortunately you can’t make a 2 year old look too intimidating, even in a Vader mask.

After the first stop to keep the magic alive and add to the persona I started playing the Imperial March on my iphone and just let loop over and over again.   Through out the day (according to play count) we heard the song 52 times.  That means for over 2.5 hours that was pretty much the only music I heard.   Lex did however pretty much march in step with the music.   It was a long day.  We kept asking if he wanted to remove the mask, because with the whole thing and the voice changer it was pretty heavy for someone his age.   He however insisted on constantly wearing it while walking around.  He even got upset when he had to remove it to take a drink.   We brought the lighter front only Vader mask that we thought he would want to switch to later, it was never worn.

While looking at some of the animals he would remove his helmet.  At the point he was willing to be picked up to get a better view.   Picked up or not, his whole body language changed.  He no longer was Darth Vader, he was Alexander.   Then the mask went on and the process reversed. He is a natural actor that can get into the role.  We all received compliments (Lex the most) and everyone thought it was great.   There were also other Vader’s there, but none had the full helmet except for Lex.   Geek packratting for the win.  Though he didn’t get as much candy as he could have traditional trick or treating (we did supplement his candy after the fact), I don’t think he could have had a better time for Halloween.

 Lex in his Vader Glory

Over the weekend I was talking with friends about an idea for a web series of the crime going on with sitcom characters and what their true motivations were. Of course this is about the characters and not the actors, it is going to be designed as parody. We’ll see how the writing goes, but at least I have the teaser trailer.

I haven’t read a Star Wars book in over a decade.  I used to obsessed with them.   Up until 1998-1999ish I would say I had owned and read every single book that had come out.   I can’t tell you why I stopped reading them, just that I did.   It wasn’t lack of interest, but more likely a lack of effort as the Star Wars extended universe exploded.   I did just jump in yesterday with the New Jedi Order.   Unfortunately I was a couple chapters in before I realized I was in the wrong book of the series.   I’ve now started the proper first book, so we’ll see how it goes.   The New Jedi Order series was one that friends were excited when a new one came out, so that’s why I started back in with this series.

The Star Wars books have always jumped all over the timeline.   In one book Han and Leia are married, and in the next book we read about their courting period.   Being dropped into the middle of the action is something a Star Wars reader is used to.   This is why I didn’t realize I didn’t start at the first book.   This series happens further in the future than anything else I think I’ve read, happening around 20 some years after Return of the Jedi. Here are some things that I noticed:

1. Luke and Mara are still together, this of course it not surprising since they were dating when I left off.
2. Jacen and Jaina are full bore Jedi now.  This I can say screwed me up the most.  The idea of Jacen in a lightsaber battle alongside Luke or Jaina piloting an X-Wing just blows my mind.  They were always kids that were just old enough to have their little brother Anakin be around five or six.   Beyond that they were trapped in a time bubble, eternally that age.   Seeing them mature as adults blows my mind.
3. Luke has a kid.   I didn’t get far enough to see what his son’s name is, but that screws with my head also.

I’m reading the script.  Remembering inspirations for different parts of it.   Loving parts of it.  Hating parts of it.   Just having the experience.  Then I get it into my head that I want to finish this script.  In theory that is all fine and dandy.  I can finish the story arc I was going for and wrap it all up.  The question is, can I?

This was written when I was in a different place in my life, my writing, and experiences.   I’ve grown and I’m not sure I can channel what is needed to finish the script as is.   If I go forward and finish the script I think I am going to have to take what I have written and rewrite it in my current voice.  I want to make sure it has the cohesion needed to flow properly.   We all know about the different feels between the first half of Huckleberry Finn and the second.  We also know that it’s because Twain but down the manuscript for over a decade between those sections.   I don’t want to give a disjointed feel to this script, which will most likely be the only horroresque script / piece I will truly write.

So now I’m stuck between a rock and hard place.  I need to show the script to a few people and see if it’s worth pursuing.  It may just be best to let dead dogs lie.   After I make a decision I will either publish it as is on my blog, or I’ll finish it.   Once it is finished I’ll also most likely publish it on here, it matters if anyone wants to film it.

We shall see.

Now I think it’s time to sweat over some old novels I need to rip apart and decide if I’m going to finish those…..

One of the best quotes I saw online was “This is must have felt for my parents when John Lennon died”.   Some people in my generation would give the “rock star” death to Kurt Cobain.   I didn’t even like Nirvana until years after his death.   I did know when he died the world changed.   Steve Jobs was also a rockstar.   He was a visionary and he changed technology forever.   I had to deal with the extreme Apple haters yesterday (some friends, some just online) that made inappropriate comments.   Within hours of the announcement, that’s just wrong.  Regardless on where you stand on the Mac vs. PC legacy, this is a man that has touched you in so many ways that you are not aware of.   His influence is extended into just about ever facet of the modern computer you own.

You like Windows and it’s graphical interface, you can thank Mr. Jobs.   You needed to use floppies once upon a time, thank Mr. Jobs (for the 3.5″ inch design).   You decided you are past floppies and don’t need them anymore, you can thank Mr. Jobs for leading the way of removing them from machines.   I could wax on and on about Pixar, iPhones, and iPads – but you can get that coverage anywhere else and you should read it from people that write better than I do.    I’m just going to give you a few personal Apple related stories.

My first experience with Apple may have been the computer lab at Open Door Christian School, unfortunately those days don’t stick with me.   I don’t really remember using a computer in school until high school, and then that was a dos based system.   The first experience I remember was my next door neighbor when I was between 4-6 grades had a Mac Plus.   It was a sleek all in one box that put my Commodore Vic-20 to shame.   We played a few games on it when his parents gave him permission.  The most frequent one was one of the Ultima games.   Those days were complete black and white glory and it was fantastic.   In 1988 we moved to Vermilion, and I was stuck again with only having access to my Vic-20.

By senior year of high school we got a PC in the house and I was entrenched as a PC guy.   I wouldn’t say at first I had any real feelings on the Mac vs. PC wars.   They were the same right?   At least that was what I thought at the time.   Then moving forward I became a PC technician at a PC shop.  Occasionally we got Macs that came in and fixing them between all the technicians was a hope and prayer.   It was like the time I fixed a Novell file server at a doctor’s office, I still have no idea what I did beyond using the help file and typing random commands.  One common problem was that the motherboard battery would die on the Mac and then the computer would refuse to boot.  We fixed quite a few of these.  This seemed ridiculous though.   Why would a computer not boot if the CMOS battery died.   PC’s would still boot.   Mac’s suck.  Apple limited you too much from tinkering beneath the hood.   Being a DOS maven I hated that.   I wanted to tinker, tweak, and hack my computer to do things it should have.   You couldn’t do that with a Mac.   There was also the Apple Tax issue.   I was firm PC and all Mac’s sucked.   I chose my position in the war.

Sometime in 97-98 I did some PC work for a salesman at B&K Automotive in Vermilion on freelance time.   What was my payment?   30-50 Apple II’s.   I had to do two trips in my escort having it completely weighed down with every inch of available space that I didn’t need to drive to move them to storage at the Vermilion Haunted School House.   I didn’t have room at home to store them (I had moved out of my apartment and was living with my mother or Xie’s parents at the time).   A group of this hauled them all upstairs and put them into storage.   We had extra parts and peripherals galore.   There was a guy named Greg that also worked at the school house that I would have my epic Apple Vs. Microsoft arguments with.  He managed to put together a top of the line Apple II for himself and they played games on it in the basement of the school house.   I always meant to save one perfect one for myself, but I never did.   They were all destroyed or removed from the building before I ever had a chance.  They are gone like my TRS-80 and CoCo that I had received around that time period.

OSX then came out.  There wasn’t the same reason to hate the Mac.  I respected them and what they could then do.   A few years later we purchased Xie the first Mac in the house, the original Mac Mini.   Unfortunately the Mac Mini was the bastard child.  We liked it.  It looked beautiful.   Unfortunately we were ingrained windows users and didn’t do much with it.   It was always the question of what can we do with it.  It didn’t help that each of us had at least two windows computers and the Mac was an add-on.

Sometime in there Xie received her first iPod.   It was a 20 GB 2nd or 3rd generation.  It actually is still in the house somewhere and works.   She then upgraded to a first-gen nano and I received the original iPod.   After we moved into the new house she lost the Nano for a span of two weeks.   We found it on the upper patio sitting outside in the weather.  It had rained a couple times during the “we can’t find it stage”.   It had been dry outside for 2-3 day before we found it, we took it in, charged it, and it worked like a champ.   About after that incident Xie received an iPod Classic 120GB (having missed the window for the 200GB and being annoyed at that fact).   I inherited the nano and loved it for months.   One day while working on the car I hopped into the passenger seat, the nano was in my back pocket and cracked in half.   It was a good little device that had a life that ended too soon. The final iPod in the house was purchased about 2 months ago, a shuffle for Xie to use during workouts.  I still want one of those for the fashion style more than actual use.

Two and a half years ago we started our move into the full Apple ecosystem by purchasing two iPhone 3GS’s.   I thought the first gen iPhone was limited by not being able to install apps and very limited basis, by the time my contract was up and ready to get a new phone – we were eyeing the 3GS.   Since then the iPhone has become part of our daily lives.   I couldn’t live without my phone.  I upgraded to the iPhone 4 last year, and plan on upgrading to the new 4S.   I get so much out of the device that the cost is worth the upgrade.   Like I did say in yesterday’s piece, Xie is receiving the first 4S, I get the second.   Alexander is currently rocking my old de-activated 3GS.   I’m sure he’ll be upgrading to the iPhone 4 once I get my new one.

Sometime two years ago the Mac Air was announced.  I had to hear all the complaints about lack of power and lack of CD drive, but I so wanted the device.   While I was at NASA I managed to beta test the Mac Air for use in the environment.   While I still used a PC quite a bit this was my first regular usage of OSX.   I loved it, but I also did love my PC.   My work and play was becoming more and more browser based.   I could do 80% of whatever I needed to do on whatever platform I wanted.  The remaining 20% I just jumped between machines.   During that time it was my favorite laptop I had ever used.    Eventually it was taken from me and repurposed to upper management.   I was given a Mac Pro, but it wasn’t the same.   I didn’t like quite as much, of course it was also a couple years old.   I stopped really using my Mac and went back to the PC.

As I was preparing to leave NASA for a new job, the iPad was announced.   I wanted one.   It was just like the phone that was joined at me hip, but I could do more on it.  I unfortunately did nto get one.  Xie did (64GB Wifi).  She loves it and uses it on a daily basis.   She is a maverick switching between the iPhone, her computer, her iPad, and using the right device for the job.   We have not yet purchased an iPad 2, but I’m sure when we do I’ll inherit the iPad 1.

Last year the Apple TV 2 was announced.   This also has become a staple in our household.  We don’t have cable or OTA signals that reach our house.   All of our TV consumption is done via ripped DVD’s and Netflix.   We are also watching something new all the time.   I did get sick of transcoding everything to MP4 – so our Apple TV is now jailbroken and running XBMC.   SO between XBMC and Netflix we can pretty much watch whatever we want.   We use the iPad or the iPhones as a remote and everything works wonderfully (the interface for XBMC is a wee bit laggy though).

Finally about 3 months ago we purchased two MacBook Pro’s.  These are our new daily machines.   We are using them almost exclusively.   We still have Windows 7 desktops, but we don’t use them nearly as much.  The usage model has definitely swapped on it’s head between PC and OSX.   Mostly because running Windows in virtual box allows me to run whatever I need on a single machine.  Modern technology is wonderful.   I consider myself OS agnostic, but the hardware quality of this laptop is fantastic.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to go back to not owning a non-Apple laptop.

So to sum up, I’m still mostly a PC person (that uses OSX on his personal/work laptop).   I have even given two Apple TV 2′s and 2 iPod Touch’s as gifts.  My household has quite a history with Apple on our journey getting to where we are today.

Apple Products we have gone through:

• 30 – 50 Apple II’s of various flavors
• Mac Mini
• Mac LC and a Clone Mac (stories not worth mentioning, but they were owned and used somewhat on par with the Mac Mini in the house).
• 4 iPods
• 3 iPhones (so far)
• 1 iPad (so far)
• 1 Apple TV (so far)
• 2 MacBook Pros (so far)

For a PC person that is quite the list.   I can defend Apple, and if I’m not careful I might one day become strictly an Apple Computer user.   Until then, thank you Mr. Jobs for what you have given us.  Thank you for pushing Apple, Microsoft, Google, and a myriad of other companies to improve and compete so that the consumer wins.   Thank you.

Some other stories to check out

Steve Jobs Remembered: 10 of His Most Magical Moments

 What Steve Meant Back Then

15 Inspirational Steve Jobs Quotes 

So much of expectations were built on rumors that the iPhone was built up to the point that it was a device that would perform sexual favors on you.   It would print money.  It would allow you to fly by working as an anti-gravity device.   None of these things were going to come to pass.   ZDnet has an article that had 5 missing features that the 4S missed.  Let’s take a look at these real quick:

1. NFC – the technology is not ubiquitous at all.   Apple was not going to be the pioneer to push stores to upgrade to NFC systems.   It won’t be until the technology is more common place before they implement anything like that in their device.   Apple let’s someone else raise the horse, then they just attach their cart to it.   To anyone that truly believed this is ignorant to Apple history and how they do business.    Remember the second iPhone did not support 3G even though it was out, which will jump to:
2. 4g –  Two problems exist with 4G technology.  The first is that there isn’t a 100% coverage.  I spend a larger percentage of my life on edge than I do on 3G.  Most of America does not have 4G.  Maybe quite a few cities do – but there is a lot of space between cities.   4G also really isn’t set in stone.  What I would love to see is Apple wait until they can deliver the promised 4g instead of this watered down technology that is 90% slower than what 4G was supposed to be.  There are no good standards.  This also brings up another issue, battery life.   The current speculation (taking Apple business history out of the account) is that 4G was not included because of battery life.  I also think the competing standards would also have caused an issue (which leads to coverage problems again).   Months ago no one thought there would be a 4G iPhone this generation, it is only recently that people worked themselves up to a frenzy that it may include it.
3. Thunderbolt Connectivity - this market is still so small there is no way they would have done it.  There is a reason that USB is still used for Sync and HDMI is used for video out – they are everywhere.
4. Facebook Integration – Has no one noticed the stand-offs and issues that exist between Apple and Facebook.   You had better luck getting Microsoft LiveDrive integration.
5. Tear Drop Shape – this is the big one isn’t it.  If everything else stayed the same and this was the only thing that changed, it would have been a win.  More exactly it would have been a win if it was shaped like this and called iPhone 5.   It doesn’t matter if it was actually smaller or lighter.  The only thing that mattered was it didn’t have a different design and it was not called the iPhone 5.   Every other feature screams next iteration of iPhone – just not to investors and some of my friends I guess.

The text of the second one read:

We hope you are enjoying participating in the Game Testing Program and want to thank you for helping shape the most anticipated MMO to date.

We’ve posted a fun short survey for game testers, and the results have been really interesting so far. Answer a few questions and see what your fellow testers are thinking. After the survey, hit the forums to talk about your experience or get gameplay tips.

I thought, that’s funny I’m not in the beta…..OMG I just got in the beta.    I told Xie that she needed to check her spam folder now.  I showed her the two emails.   She ran over and grabbed her laptop, I went to the desktop and we searched the GMail Spam folder.  Nothing.  No beta invites, no love.   We preordered the deluxe edition on day one and still not in the game.  One of our friends from SWG mocks us with his screenshots, since he has been in for a few weeks.    Very annoyed.

I ran to the The Old Republic forums and checked – it seems these emails went out to quite a few people.   The SWTOR main page crashed from the load.   I did hear rumors that these were supposed to be actual beta invites, but the links were broken.   It seems quite a few people are as annoyed as I am.   While I was reading the forum thread (which started as an actual announcement that more Beta invites were going out), the forum crashed.   It seems that I’m not the only one reading through the threads.

From a simple wrongly sent email – SWTOR is already having the uptime issues that SWG had the first week….

Enough rambling in anger, back to watching Bridesmaids – so not worth as much as downloading the beta right now.

This whole path started 13 years ago in the ancient times of 1998.   One of my friends at the small PC shop I worked out had purchased the game.  Since I was into Dungeons and Dragons, he thought I would like the game and made copies of the CDs.   He was right.   Since then I have purchased this exact game 3 times (who says piracy doesn’t lead to purchase).   Xie and I were playing seperately and I was in the in the final city on the final disc of the game (I still don’t know how close I was to the end I was) then we decided to play through the game cooperatively.   This started my downfall of never beating these games.

We started and we both have different play styles.  When Xie plays a game she is a completist.  She likes to hit every side quest and makes sure she gets every item for a game.   As far as we know the only thing she didn’t do in Final Fantasy 7 was get the gold chocobo. To her the game is about the journey.  I am completely different.  To me the game is about the destination.   I will do side quests as they come to me and do my best to complete most the things I find.

We have played through parts of the game with different friends on co-op mode.   Still only getting so far into the game.  I can think of at least 4-5 major play attempts through the game.  All of them start well and sort of fizzle out.   We have used Gatekeeper to edit stats, levels, and items to try and make the game easier – this still hase never helped our determination to get through the game.   All of that is going to change now.

Anyone into retro games knows that getting older games to play on modern systems can be a pain in the ass.   When I saw that Baldur’s Gate was available from Good Old Games I was immediately taken back to the regret of never beating it (they also have the other Bioware Games I listed).   Part of me just wanted to do Icewind Dale so I wouldn’t have to deal with Imoen, but I needed to do this.  I needed to beat Baldur’s Gate.

Xie and I discussed it and decided we would play through together – just power through and get the game off the regret list.   We have been looking for something to play together until Star Wars: The Old Republic came out.   Good Old Games certified that the games would work on your system.  This is a half truth.  The single player game (I’m guessing) works fine.  The multiplayer game however was a completely different issue.   Either way Good Old Games received my 9.99.

I downloaded the game and installed it on my desktop (Windows 7 64-Bit (Xie has the same)).   I spent about an hour rerolling stats in the character creation to get attributes I would not regret.  Xie did the same thing.  We had our characters it was now time to connect to a multiplayer game.   Whenever I clicked to start a new multiplayer game, it crashed.  I attempted to run it as admin and in different compatibility modes.  Nothing was working.   It turns out the DirectX drivers changed in Vista and the multiplayer would not work properly.   To start a multiplayer game you had to launch it in windowed mode (alt+enter).   Having gotten past this hurdle we then tried to connect the games together.  No luck.   We then went back to researching.  It turns out this is a common problem (again in the post-Vista age).   We verified all firewalls and security software was disabled.   We edited the Baldur’s Gate ini files as a few posts described.  I discovered the IPX/SPX is no longer included in Windows 7.  In the end I spent around 4 hours (5 if you count character creation) trying to get a game started.   It just couldn’t be done in any easy manner that I could find.

There was a total conversion created for Baldur’s Gate 2 that allowed you play through Baldur’s Gate original with the Baldur’s Gate 2 engine (Baldur’s Gate Tutu).   Some people said they had better luck at creating a multiplayer with this method.   So I purchased BG2 (another 9.99) and started the download.   It was going to take a few hours so I was done for the night.   Dreams of sugar plums and magic missiles danced in my head.   Getting up the next morning I made Lex breakfast and installed BG2 and both the desktops.  I then attempted to create a multiplayer game.  I had the same issue with having to enter into windowed mode otherwise starting the multiplayer would crash the game.   Working around this I managed to get it started on my computer.  I then went to Xie’s computer to connect…..Nothing.   I was having the exact same issue that I had with BG1.

The normal person would have given up at this point.   Unfortunately I am an alpha geek that will get obsessed with a task like this until I get it going.   If I was going to chase this down and get this going and go through any more pain I was going to play on my laptop (Mac Book Pro).   Now it might seem insane if I wasn’t getting it working on the Windows desktop that I would attempt to getting it working on OSX.  The solution I was going to have to deal with was going to be the same – so I may as well doing gaming on the machine that is not designed for gaming.  Geek logic at it’s finest.  I downloaded Oracle’s free Virtualbox frontend, dug out an Old XP CD and went to town.   In less than an hour I had XP installed on my Mac Book with Baldur’s Gate installed and running.   Then I discovered the next hurdle.

When you made the game full screen in virtual box it took up a little 320×240 window with a black border larger than the screen around it.   I could play it in a window and then scale the window – but at this point the the mouse went all weird and stuttering.   I knew we couldn’t play like this.  The original Baldur’s Gate doesn’t allow you to change screen resolutions so again I was SOL.   At this point I loaded up BG2 and installed the Baldur’s Gate Tutu conversion.   Now I could switch to 1024×768 and switch to full screen mode.  For all intents and purposes it covered the complete height and I just had black bars on the left and right side.   Baldur’s Gate was not written to take advantage of wide screen monitors, so this was going to be what it was.   I started Baldur’s Gate 2 and made sure it was running at a playable speed and it ran as fast as I remembered.    I spent another hour or so getting it up and running on Xie’s laptop.   We are something like 10 hours into this adventure and we hadn’t even started playing yet.

Since the BG1 Tutu version used the BG2 engine, it had additional character creation options.   We opted to spend another hour rerolling characters to get the perfect stats that we wanted to play with, launched the multiplayer game and it connected flawlessly.  To sum up – we are playing a 13 year old game, using an 11 year old game engine, in a ten year old operating system in an emulator, on a laptop with 7 month old technology, running an operating system that is a little over a month old.   Geek kludge working at it’s finest.   Where there is a will there is a way.

I was playing a thief and Xie was playing a cleric.  We were soon in Candlekeep running around killing rats, getting antidotes for cows, and playing go get before watching our adopter father being killed on the way to the next town.   We managed to clear off two and half screens that night.  When we managed to to make it to the Friendly Arm Inn we killed the assassin that was gunning for us and locked Xzar and Montaran in a house (removing them from our party with the option of finding them again).   We called it a night.

Last night added Khalid and Jaheira to the party and headed south to Beregost.  Beregost is a huge map and is known to be buggy with the Tutu conversion.  I did get a patch for teh city and so far it seems to be working fine.  I haven’t had any issues.   We have cleared off most of that map examining most of the houses.   We are trying to keep our reputation up so I’m not lockpicking any chests around NPC’s (seems to fail and call the guards 85% of the time).  We added Garrick to our party and marched him back to the Friendly Arm to lock him away.   At this point Xie wanted to play a mage, and we had room in the party and would only be a single level ahead of her.  So Xie dropped out and created a new high stat mage to add to the party, replacing the spot that we just cleared for Garrick.   I’m not sure we will ever be bringing Garrick back into the group since he doesn’t have any open side quests to complete.

We then went back to work in Beregost clearing the map.  We found Kagain (whom I’m not sure I’ve found in previous run throughs) and dropped off Imoen in his house.  We have to go back and show him the broken caravan.  At this point it was 1 AM last night and we didn’t feel like continuing.   We called it a night, we will see what tonight holds.

This time I am going to beat this game.  If a hurricane blows away my house (highly unlikely since i live in Ohio) I will still put the pieces back together enough to beat this game.   Right now I’m even considering emailing save games to myself just to insure against any hard drive crashes.   I want to get through this game once and for all.  I’ll keep the blog updated on this for those that care (all 1.5 of you).

As a bonus – have some Rosanna:

My blog and my mail archive are going to be passed down to my son or grandchildren to do with however they want.   In theory my great great great grandkids are going to know my stories in my own words.   I will live on.   I would absolutely kill to have the stories similar to yesterday’s written by my great grandparents.   I would love for them to have enshrined their thoughts and stories is something more concrete than oral tradition.

Oral tradition only holds tales that are second hand.  We all played telephone in elementary school and saw how the message can change.   So we have to worry about how many details they might get wrong.  We also have to worry about evolutionary dominance.   The strongest stories are the most memorable and they are the ones that survive.   So that means your strongest stories – whether they are about the best or worst of you – are going to be the ones that define you in the eyes of those that come after you.  Recording it yourself – and regularly - let’s you combat that a bit.   It allows your details and emphasis to come through.  It also will help maintain a well rounded view of who you are as a person.

I did write about my Apple TV 2 adventure today, and might write something about when I was twelve tomorrow.   It’s all about balance and recording yourself.   Think of it as the diary you are willing to share with everyone.    I can only hope my son records down all the stories about me that I don’t remember to do myself.

I’ve been using XBMC for a little over three years now.   My first go around was with the original X-Box.  These steps are basically the same as the one’s I followed to soft-mod the X-Box.  This worked fine for around a year.   Then for some reason or other I had to update XBMC (something wasn’t working right).   I updated it and something went wrong.   I corrupted my hard drive and all I was left with was a shell of an X-Box. For awhile we had a standard computer hooked up to the TV to compensate, but this became cumbersome in it’s own right.

So we purchased the ATV to supplement our TV needs and hopefully replace the computer.  Since we were an apple accessory house (multiple idevices) it didn’t seem outrageous to start moving to MP4 as the standard.   After I spent weeks converting my previously avi DVD and VHS rips to MP4 I had them all loaded into the itunes.   For the most part this worked.   As time went on however we noticed things were not working as well as we hoped.

New DVD’s that I straight ripped to MP4 seemed to all work perfectly fine.   AVI’s that I converted worked about 50% of the time.   We would start watching a movie and the sound would be off from the start, or it would be off at the end.   Slowly I worked to clear out these faulty files – but it was proving to be a pain to reconvert them and try again or to hunt down the DVD trapped away in a box in the attic to rip from the source again.   There had to be another way to do this.

Luckily for us I noticed that XBMC for iOS devices was released, and shortly a version came out for the ATV.  I had to learn how to downgrade my ATV to a previous version, then how to jailbreak it.   The first thing I noticed was comparing playback.  When I played an MP4  I knew it looked sharp and crisp on the ATV through iTunes sharing.   However, when I played through XBMC the playback was muddier and grainier.   After some attempts with this I just really gave up and didn’t go much further.   I’m almost positive it is a codec issue but I didn’t feel the need to investigate much further.  So many people were raving about the ATV in their setup that I must be doing something wrong.

A few weeks ago I started using XBMC on my laptop for playback when I am in “relaxation mode”.   The best part is that he gave me an offline library access to see what movies I had and didn’t have.   So I used this and started rescraping my library.  Looking at the stuff I hadn’t converted to MP4 just because of all of the out of sync sound issues I had been having.    This was a moment of nostalgia for me and I really missed my XBMC setup.  At first I just wanted to build a new proper media PC.   The problem is I don’t really have the space – and what space I did have was going to cause me heat issues.    I considered buying a different set top player that could handle my file formats – but I wasn’t sure what I was going to get.   A Boxee Box might still be in my future.   So it came down to if I wanted to try again on the ATV.

The first issue was that I was using a firmware that there wasn’t a jailbreak for.   This changed late last week when the latest version of Seas0n Pass was released.   I was now capable of re-jailbreaking my device.   I knew I had some issues last time I jailbroke it, but I didn’t remember what they were since part of the issue was firmware downgrading.   This time was no different, though I believe I had different issues.

I followed the directions from Seas0n Pass and I was having a hard time getting the device into DFU mode.   Micro USB cables are not in abundance in my house (you can’t step without spotting mini USB).   The only micro USB cable I could find at all to work with was the cable that came with the Kindle.  I think this cable was the cause of my Woes.   The device would not go into DFU mode with the power disconnected.   Reading further I saw this could be caused by what the cable was rated for.   If it is rated for charging it may not handle the rest of what is necessary.    I attempted to perform this with the power plugged in and it would go into DFU mode, but the firmware would be corrupt and the device would need to be restored with an official firmware.   I did this three times.

What finally did work was doing the following steps:

1.  Plug the device into the USB without power and hold down the buttons to place it into DFU mode
2. When the device starts it’s fast blink I plugged in the power cord
3. When the software found that a device was detected in DFU mode I pulled the power code

Following those steps I was able to jailbreak the device without a hitch.   I did try leaving the power after I the software detected it, but this lead to the same issue of a corrupt firmware.   Once I was done I was ecstatic (since this took me a couple hours at least).   I once again triumphed over machine.

The next steps was to install XBMC.   Remembering the device checks for updates regulary and this causes XBMC to crash I SSH’ed into the box and edited the host file as per this document.  I was all set to install XBMC.   Unfortunately this version of Seas0n Pass does not add the handy dandy drop down menu that let you install it from the TV interface.  That’s ok I’ve done this before.

While I was still SSH’ed into the ATV I followed the instructions for installed XBMC on it.   After 5-10 minutes I was done. At one point it looked like it was hanging and I manually rebooted the device.   On the second attempt it hung at the same spot, I just waited and the installation  completed.   I now had an XBMC menu on my ATV.   I could have installed other software on the box at this time, but really I have no interest in doing that.

The picture above is now what my XBMC screen looks like.  I chose the vertical Confluence theme because it is the same one I am using on my laptop and I have no issues with it.  The default horizontal menu theme that came with the install didn’t seem right to me.   The first thing I noticed was that I could use the remote app from my iphone to control the screen.   When I installed XBMC months ago only worked with the hardware remote that came with the device.   Normally we never use that remote, so it was no where to be found.   I had some XBMC remote apps for my phone so I used those.  It was a kludge jumping from one app to another but it worked.

I went through and started adding my libraries, matching up what I have configured on my laptop.   Then I started scanning the content into the library.   The scanning only works for a little bit then the software crashes.  This causes you to go in and start scanning all over again.   Last night I had it go for a couple hours without a crash – that was a record.

The interface is not a responsive as it on the computer.   This is because it isn’t as high powered as a device.  Once playback started everything was smooth.  HD content looks perfect on my TV.  Standard Definition is another issue.   I am noticing the same problem that I noticed last time I jail broke the device.   It some content isn’t as sharp (noticeably, not subtly) as it is when I play the same file in the standard ATV interface.   This was just MP4′s – we had moved to the PS3 to watch AVI’s and there was a significant difference in quality there also.   Looking a bit further this does seem to have everything to do with codec, but I don’t know what.

I am overall happy.   I have a killer iPad remote app now that works perfectly.   I can control it from my phone.  I can play almost any file format I want.   Life is good at the moment.   I do hope they get the codec issue for non HD content fixed soon – when that happens this will be a flawless and great setup.

While I was at college one of my roommates was dating this girl (Kristy) who was in marching band with us.  She was in my trumpet squad so I knew her pretty well.  I was dating someone else at the time, that gave me the best breakup I ever received (another blog post for another time).   Close to the end of marching band season, the girl I was dating gave me the mentioned breakup and I was single.  Somehow this other girl had a big blowup with my roommate and they also broke up.    In the end only one of three of us in the dorm room were seeing anyone.

This was a time that brother came up to stay with me for the weekend.  He would have been 12 at this time.   I think it was the normal little siblings weekend sometime in the October timeframe.  It wasn’t unique – but at the same time it didn’t seem to be common for tons of people to have their little brothers or sisters at the school.   My brother had the freedom of staying out late and hanging with my room mates.   We were doing just that.   This relationship was put into motion because I took him out around the campus that night.

My brother and I were out rollerblading around the campus (how dated does that sound?), and ran into Kristy who also was a rollerblader.    We spent around an hour or so tearing up and down the quad and around buildings.  It was fun and probably one of the last times my brother and I had a normal sibling bonding experience.  It was getting late and everyone was tired.  My dorm was the closest so I went up and dropped my brother off at my dorm room to play with the computer while I went to walk/roller blade Kristy back to her dorm room on the other side of campus.   I returned to my brother about 2 hours later and he was hanging with my roommates and just fine.  I spent the next day with my brother until he left sometime in the afternoon and then I spent the rest of the day with Kristy.

It was a fast whirlwind relationship and she came back with me for the weekend sometime in December and stayed at my Dad’s apartment with me for the weekend.   The most interesting experience was watching her fascination with seeing Lake Erie frozen over.   Something I think that most of take for granted growing up on the lake, but she had never seen it before and was filled with awe.   We walked around town, and I introduced her to some of my friends from my hometown.   We headed back to school and we were a few weeks from winter break.

Winter break came around and my father had purchased a house across the town.   I was staying at my dad’s house and one of my friends was in town from Florida.   I didn’t have my license yet, but my friend did.  We thought a great idea would be to take a two hour drive to New Philadelphia to visit my girlfriend.   My father was kind enough to lend me his Beretta for the trip.    We picked up another one of my friends and off we went to New Philadelphia.   Thinking back this was the last long trip all three of us ever took together.

I honestly had no idea where New Philadelphia truly was, but we had a map.   The drive took a little over 2 hours only mildly going over the speed limit.   I had her home address and phone number and that was all I thought was needed.   Following the map and stopping for directions once inside New Philadelphia we managed to find her town house.   We stop by and knock – no answer.   We didn’t have much else to do and we didn’t want to give up and just head home.   We noticed a mall on our drive in and thought we would go hang out there for awhile and try again later.   She wasn’t expecting us, so sometimes these things happen.

We are walking through the mall and I spy my girlfriend in a jewelry store.   She was in a jewelry with another guy.  This gentleman was a marine whom she had supposedly broken up with before she started dating my roommate.   I went up and confronted her, and they were picking out her engagement ring.   I was floored, but managed not to get into it with her boyfriend (ex?)(betrothed?) in the middle of the mall.   Which of course this is a good thing since I was 150 lb geek and he was a marine.   She tells us to come over to her house in about an hour and we would talk about it.

We manage to get to her house and at this point the marine was ready to tear me limb from limb.   I stuck it out and my two friends backed me up (one of my few true brave face moments). Kristy managed to calm him down and control him long enough to get him into the car.  Of course this included the standard stay back and don’t provoke him on the way to the car.   My friends bless them offered to chase after him when he tore out of there and pull the baseball bats out of the trunk.  Sensible me didn’t take them up on the offer.

She explained to me he asked her to marry him and insisted on buying a ring even though she hadn’t said yes.   I of course was young dumb and eighteen.   For some reason I believed her enough to kind of trust her, but not enough to stay with her.  So while she blocked off time with me (who knew who might show up next) we didn’t stay too long and headed out to the gas station.  I was heart broken, angry, and didn’t know what I wanted to do.  I thought about going back.  I thought about cutting her out of my life (kind of hard when she sits two seats down from you in band).   I didn’t know what I was going to do.

My friend from Florida had to call and check-in (mind you he was 18).   His parents told him that he had to be back at the house in a little over an hour.   It had taken us over 2 hours to get to where we were.    I think we took my father’s Beretta to the limits of driving on the way back.  At one point we almost hit a cop car backing out of a driveway.   We were lucky that there was too much traffic behind us that he couldn’t get out and immediately come after us.  Either way we took the first back roads when we were out of his sight that we could.   We manage to do the two hour drive in an hour and half, only getting him home slightly late.

In the aftermath, it turns out she was engaged though she says she called it off when she managed to get back to school 2-3 weeks later.  In the interim I managed to get back together with my girlfriend I had before I went to college.   Since there is some overlap here, here is a couple relevant paragraphs I did when I wrote about her (remember young, dumb, and eighteen):

School rolled around and I reconciled with my girlfriend (Kristy)from the previous semester.  Now for some reason this should have been a straight break up with Kim moment.   I held off for a couple days and Kim came down to visit.   The situation was not a surprise to my college girlfriend, she knew what was happening.    I took Kim to the local mall and we walked and talked, but my college girlfriend stalked us and was obvious about following us. After getting back to the car Kim asked what it all was about, I explained and broke up with her.  She dropped me off at my dorm room and I thought then that she left.   I went up and spent time with my college girlfriend, while this was happening Kim proceeded to make out with my roommate’s best friend.  That’s the kind of rebound girl she was.

At this point you would think that the Kim college years era was over, well not quite.   I get a phone that she is pregnant and needs to talk.   I arrange it that I come home that weekend to talk to her.  Problem was college girlfriend insisted on going and I had not told her about the pregnancy.  I manage to get up north and slip away for a little bit to talk to Kim.   This leads me back home and my college girlfriend is upset.  She tells me she is pregnant (I had not told her Kim was pregnant yet).  So I’m 18 years old and I find out in less then seven days that I have two girls pregnant.  To add to the top of the tower here, college girlfriend and I break up.

So let’s step back for a moment here to right before the break-up.   Logic me in place seems to mean that Kristy figured out Kim was pregnant and wanted to throw her weight against that notion.   In retrospect seeing that I caught her buying an engagement ring so some leeway to talk to an ex-girlfriend should have been allowed.   So she figured it out, and then she found out that Kim was pregnant.  I was staying at my mother’s house and this lead to a very loud and heated argument in my mother’s living room at around midnight.  We woke up the whole house.   I also had two friends over witnessing this whole train wreck play out in real time.   Kristy was so upset she broke up with me.  She left with one of my friends who said he would drive her back to school.   I almost came to blows with him as they were leaving.   I think my mother held me back.

They didn’t drive back to school, they went to his parents house (he was still a senior in school).   Yes they did that night, and that’s are far as I’m going to discuss it.  They started dating for a few weeks and then he broke it off with her.   He had another girl and Kristy was a psycho.  Here is where we go back to the other piece again:

A few weeks later I’m dating someone else and I find out both college girlfriend and Kim have miscarriages within a week of each other.  I don’t tell anyone and did not tell either one of them, so it’s coincidence that they both told me, and today I think they were both lying to me over the incident.   Around this time period my grandfather died and I was dealing with that also.

 

The night Kristy told me about her miscarriage I just took off walking.   I walked for 3-4 hours that night.  I walked for miles dealing with this.   The weather was a mixture of flurries and freezing rain.  It eventually moved into heavy snow.  At the time I didn’t careMy roommate knew what I was going through and was worried about me.  I showed up right before he was getting readying to call someone.  I walked in with I then immediately sat down and wrote this poetry / essay piece:

Slowly as the sun shrinks and the blowing leaves stop their travels, life does not contain the same vibrancy. My footfalls thud heavily upon the freshly snow covered road. The constant thumps comfort me sadly. They will never leave me, even if I wanted to run from them.

Thump, thump………….

My heart is iron. It is dulled and heavy, tempered by remorse I do not understand the people that ask “Why me.” Everything that has happened through my destiny is, in part my doing. The cracks in my iron are not my fault, but I could have avoided them. It is as if I opened my chest cavity as loves swings a sledge to my iron. Never dodging the strike, I am knocked down by the blow.

Thump, thump, thump………..

The advice of avoidance has been given time and time over. I have been told, ” You fall in in love too easily.” How can that truth exist, something so hard and rare never happens easily. I have been truly deep in love three times in the expanse I call life. One lasted for nine months. I loved her with my all. When I was with her I traveled through different social circles. She is now engaged to be wed. The past slips silently through the cracks in the floor.

Thump, thump……….

The second love of my life was one of my best friends. I loved him like a brother. I would have taken a bullet for him or gave him the world. The sun set on our friendship when he broke his word to me. After the promise broke it’s binds, he continued turning the knife in my back. He is now hunting me down because he thinks I returned the favor.

Thump, thump, thump……….

The last love of my life I continue to weep oceans of tears for in the late hours of twilight. One day she is by my side, hand in mine, telling me how happy she was. The next she isolated me and shut all the corridors connecting us. I have knocked on all the doors but I do not get any answer. As it looks I will spend my future alone. She always asked me how I knew she was the one.

Thump, thump….

When I was with her time and space held a different dimension. Happiness was not a possibility but a constant. My heart and mind held no doubts in the dark corners. Mu soul was content. Her smile radiated like a summer sunset. Her eyes held the mysteries of the cosmos. One of these mysteries is why she shut me out, I hope someday I can solve it. I can remember the past. My heart was content.

Thump, thump, thump…………..

The final breaking tore my heart in two. I do not think I can have as true a love again as I had with any of these three. Each moment is painfully filled with happy memories. It is ironic how happy memories can hurt worse then a physical wound. Some people claim I am gifted with the skill of writing. Many times I have regarded this skill as a curse, I can watch the snow plow go down the street beside me and as soon as that image reaches paper it will never be forgotten. All three have poems and writings associated with them, that will never leave me in peace.

Thump, thump………

Glancing at my surroundings I no longer know which road I am on. I do not know how I got here other then a couple hours have passed. Distances are irrelevant anyways. These walks are to sort out my thoughts, not to see how far I could go. distance is a dimension in which I do not have an existence. The important thing is the thoughts that filter through my weary gray matter. The thoughts that run rampant through fields of neglect and sorrow reap fertilization they receive.

Thump, thump, thump………………

Not that long ago I lost my grandfather to a slow painful series of strokes and bad medical conditions. We had never been close and to all my memory had never really sat down and talked. About two or three weeks before he passed away I went to see him on my way to school. It hurt so badly to see the big strong man I had been visiting for so many years, so sickly and small. I could not stay long because my heart sank to unchartered depths at the sight. The only good memory I have is when he said my name in recognition, something he had not been doing for anyone else.

Thump, thump……

I have had many scars in my so far short existence, but I only hold one fear. It is not a fear of depth or pain, I have made my peace with those. Each day I have lived I have cherished every second. If given the option to do it all over again…. I would not take it. All the events that have happened have molded me into the man I’ve become. The nagging fear has not happened, but it might someday. I won’t tell you what it is, but pray for me it does not come true.

Thump, thump, thump…….

As I turn down the next street I find my bearings. I can now start the long trek home. I will go back a different way then I came. What fun is it just to retrace steps you have already taken? The world will continue to turn and I’ll continue walking, sorting out my problems. If you should ever see me, give me a short wave or a nod. I don’t need a ride, just time and distance to help stitch my emotional gashes. I do not need to hear a friendly voice, I have my feet hitting the pavement going thump, thump, thump………..

 

During the walk I was in a bad place.  I managed to survive.  There have only been a couple times since then that I have felt as depressed and miserable as I did that night.   Kristy and I did get together a couple more times, but it didn’t stick more than a couple days.  We had been through too much.   I don’t remember the last time I talked to her, I don’t even really care.   I did look her up on Myspace to check on something.   I didn’t message her or friend her, I just checked and she had two kids.   Both would have been too young to be mine.   So that was just to kill a lingering question of what if she was still pregnant and lied about the miscarriage.   That lookup settled one thing that haunted me a little bit through the years.

As a final aside – she races lawn tractors competitively now…………

Young, dumb, and eighteen – that is all I have to say for myself.

Reading through I apologize for all the asides – but since I mostly write stream of thought this kind of thing happens.

Here is the initial pitch I gave him:

 …thought of an idea for you. Call the show Clyde and I and it is about two guys that think the other is gay. They are both straight, but pretend to be gay to not ruin what they consider an important friendship. Could easily turn into a modern days three’s company – but this time Mr. roper could be the only one that knows the truth…

I thought it would be funny and you could have the over the top misunderstandings and reading into things that everyone has in day to day life.   I’m mentally working on a script thinking of episodes in the 5 – 10 minute time frame.   Currently I just want to write it and see where I could go with it.   I’m trying to separate the idea of it just being a skit and being something longer.    Currently in my head I have ideas for about 3-4 episodes.   Once I get these done I’ll see if my friend is willing to work further on it.   If it doesn’t go anywhere I’ll be publishing the scripts online.   Of course unless I keep the mental determination going to actually write this stuff down, this might be the last time you hear of it.

We shall see…..

People tend to forget sometimes that blogging along with other online activity is a social activity.   If you become lazy there is a good chance the next person becomes lazy.   So in the end few people are writing.   Ideas are only shared amongst those that press on with getting their voices across.  These people normally aren’t your friends.   More specifically they aren’t my friends.   My friends (and myself if I let myself get in the groove) would prefer to be entertained.  They would prefer to not try to create something, but to be a passive observer.   This was also something we were taught while we were growing up.

During the eighties and nineties we were passive observers of TV and books.   We could share commentary with our friends, but few were going to be on TV or write a book.   Even if they did manage to write a book chances were further against them to get it actually published.   We now live in a different day and age.   Everyone can now create something and share it online.    We may have a very small audience – but someone is always paying attention.   The biggest problem these days is to get people to notice.   If we can get back the constant need for feedback (an unfortunate human condition) – we can create something wonderful.

So now we aren’t passive observers.  We are stuck in front of computers all day long.  We have to lead by example.   We can sit and watch a mind numbing amount of Netflix (I’m guilty).   We can also go out and create something.   Once your friends see what you are doing they will consume to some extent.   Some of them however, will be reminded that they have their own site.  That they want a little piece of the world to call their own that they can cultivate.   Of course I can be reading this blip all wrong and things will go back to months between posts (guilty again).   I am going to try to concentrate to get a few posts out a week.

The rising tide raises all ships, but then again as all my friends love quoting these days – winter is coming…..