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I really want to contribute to the public domain this year.   A short while back I wrote about how I thought the general public and the Internet was failing at actively giving back to the public domain.   To try to counteract this I’m going to make sure that I give something back.  I’m sure that I have at least a few books that can be scanned to submit to Project Gutenberg.   I would like to work on a sheet music archive.   I will still be releasing most of my images and video to the creative commons, so I’ll be submitting free to use and share work, I’ll just maintain control over it enough to make sure no one else is making money off my work, unless of course it’s me.

So what are you going to do this year to help out the public domain?

The Internet with it’s promise of a revolution has succeeded in it’s goal of changing the landscape of information and how it is disseminated to the public at large.   We deal with issues that new media and remixing is causing in the areas of old copyright.   I’m one of those that bemoan the constant increasing of time before works enters into the public domain.   I would like to see more information enter into the public domain quicker and I think the creative commons idea is the future of copyright law, but this isn’t about that.   It’s about the loss of public domain works.

It is true that efforts are underway to save and collect media that exists in the public domain.   There are even people creating new work specifically for the public domain.   We have libraries of public domain works and sites that collect information form past websites.   Videos are being collected and maintained where the copyright slipped by and were not renewed in time.  These things are great.   However there are too many people that could care less about the public domain or the ideas that spings out of it.

Most of the time public domain media is considered old and out-dated.   People want things that are new and exciting.  They want constant progress with no respect for the ideas of come from,  and don’t what forge from which the ideas have be tempered.  This leads to a loss of ideas, stories, pictures and music.

I once had an argument with someone in my support for the public domain.   I pointed out all the music and stories that have been lost to the ravages of time and may never be recovered.   Their response was if it was popular it never would have been lost.   This statement is almost as asinine as stating that I have nothing to hide, so it’s a good idea to perform surveillance on everyone.   While the latter statement points to no respect to your own privacy, let alone others.  The former statement has no respect for what has been created.

While we can look at three hugely popular sites for public domain media, Project Gutenberg, Archive.org, and Wikipedia; these are all very niche sites that serve a particular purpose.   They each have a primary focus in what they want to maintain.  Since these are the big players in their directed niche they are considered one of the authoritative sources for the type of public domain media and information that is able to be retrieved from their site.   What about some of the niches that aren’t covered?

Project Gutenberg has a long standing history of salvaging books that have entered into the public domain.   They do a great service that literally takes hundreds of volunteers to take books form a print medium and convert it to digital text available to all.  They are known for their e-books, while they do have some other things that they try to maintain, this is what they are known for.   If you are looking for a book that is in the public domain chances are you will be directed to them first.

Archive.org on the other hand, while authoritative in some respects is the jack of all trades in the public domain sector.   You would use them for website history research using their way-back machine site, or you may check with them for public domain video or audio.   It is a haphazard gathering of people that seem to utilize the best of breed mentality, the problem with being the jack of all trades, is sometimes it’s a pain in the butt to use.   Archive.org’s usability is one of the worst of the mainstream big sites that I’ve used.  It’s hard to find exactly what you are looking for.

Then you have Wikipedia, which essentially the public domain research encyclopedia.   Yes, there are issues with it.  Sometimes you can’t trust.   Sometimes it can be edited.  With all these problems, it’s authoritative.  You can’t do a Google search on a subject most of the time without seeing a Wikipedia link on the front page.   People link to Wikipedia since it’s trusted and becomes the cumulative knowledge of humanity over time or does it – the question will be discussed in an upcoming blog article.

However there is plenty of other types of information and media that is not collected and adequately cataloged so it’s easy to use for a layman.   There are for-profit companies cataloging and maintaining repositories of public domain information, but these companies charge a fee for information that truly and legally wants to be free.   It’s just that no one cares enough to invest the time or money to create archives.   I’m not saying companies can’t make money from these ventures, but I think our higher institutions and governments should take first run at them until they are large enough to be spun out into it’s own non-profit organization.

What type of information am I talking about?

Legal Transcripts

Architectural Plans

Sheet Music

Video

Audio

Photographs

General Art

Etc, etc, – if it has been created it should be saved.

I will state of the big three mentioned above, some of those dabble in all of these things, but not to any appreciable level that exists outside of their primary focus.   Yes there are niche sites, this whole thing started out of looking for public domain sheet music.    No site is authoritative, they all have their own issues, and ironically enough they don’t normally have the same data the other site has.    There is no reason for this, scans are not proprietary or unique, nor do they count as a derivative work.

The other issue with this is global acceptance and resources.  Most of the collections of public domain works exists only within themselves.   There is a lot of cross work done by universities scanning the exact same item to be in their collection that another university has already scanned.     This is wasted man power since their is no authoritative repository to put this information into, or cross reference against.   So this leads to the popular stuff normally being at the front of the list and most likely to be duplicated again and again and again, while the more obscure things are left unread and unfound.

Archive.org, Wikipedia, and Gutenberg all of something else that these other niche sites do not have, global mirrors.  Being an American I could easily say the library of congress will eventually have everything public domain online.   The first part is if I actually made that statement it would be naive on my part.   The second thing is that it means other countries are counting on the United States to save the public domain data.   I’m sure we won’t put the same care to local translation and books, compared to American editions when it comes to preservation or public dissemination of the work.

I’m angry and annoyed.  I’ll be revisiting this topic, but hopefully this primer of where I am coming from is something for you to think about and comment on.

Maximum PC recently ran an article titled 50 Skills Every Real Geek Should Have, I wanted to go through and see how I ranked in their skill list.   Let’s find out.

1. Name the Connectors – yes I was able to :)

2. Run your essential apps on a USB stick – no I don’t do this, I could – I just prefer to run everything in the cloud or on my N810 – which is with me most of the time.

3. Straighten Pins on a CPU – I have done this too many times

4. Know the 13 basic HTML Tags – well I kinda know most of them – I use freaking wordpress I hardly need to use HTML and when I do I look it up and hav ethe answer in seconds.   Though I do know quite a few by heart that aren’t listed in the basic 13.

5.  Get through to executive customer service – hey I read the consumerist.

6.  Beat quake in 60 minutes – maybe at one point in time, but I’m not big on FPS games.

7.  Build a Hackintosh – I know how, I just don’t the components that seem to work, and I’m a cheap bastard that won’t buy parts just to run OSX - I’ll stick with ubuntu as my alternative OS.

8.  Watch TV Online legally – um that’s how I watch 100% of my TV these days.

9.  Get around a content filter from a public computer – yes I know how, I’ve helped friends at other companies, it’s not worth it to do it at my own job though.

10. Recite Pi to 23 decimal places – nope – I have no inclination to ever learn either.

11. Replace the controller board on a hard drive – hey I did that once, it’s not a skill that comes up at parties though.

12.  Benchmark your computer – really?  Is this even on this list? Yes, I was doing this before I fully understood what the benchmarks meant on my 386 DX40.

13. Decorate your room with only printer paper – am I physically in the skill set to be able to do this?  Yes I am – would I?  No.  I’m more likely to decorate with NES cartridges.

14. Securely erase your data so it can’t be recovered – yes I am capable – it would be easier if you encrypted it first though.

15.  Get into a windows computer if you don’t have a password – yes I’ve done this quite a few times.

16.  Hide data from anyone – yes encryption, hidden volumes, stegnography (which I got bored with in 2001) – I am capable of doing all that – I’m more likely ot share my data then hide it though.

17. Explain what e=mc2 means – yes I would like the e=MC2 with a side of fries please – yes I am capable, but refuse to put in the details here since I want to make it through this list.

18.  Abstain from buying extended warranties – I may have bought one, once – it was on something i thoguht it fall apart though – so it’s all good.

19.  Use photoshop or gimp – yes I am capable.

20. Use a DSLR in full manual mode – I can – I’m just lazy and prefer it to do the work.

21. Mooch your neighbors wi-fi – my neighbor doesn’t have wi-fi but I’m ready to mooch when they do.

22. Protext your wi-fi – Wep2 currently – For a while I had mac filtering, I hated to keep getting mac addresses from visitors though.

23. Create an animated spray in Valve games – um – I don’t think I’ve played a single one for more then 5 minutes….so this one is a no.

24.  Setup RAID – yes I’ve done this a few times over the years for my home network.  Now implement Iscsi raid across multiple computers – that’s a challenge.

25. Calculate a Pitchers ERA – no I don’t know how – but I know google will give me the answer quicker then I can calculate it.

26. Run two Operating Systems – um I dual boot currently……

27. Install a hard drive in laptop – done before and some day I’ll do it again.

28. Pull off an elaborate prank – I think have the skill set and knowledge – I just never have – unless stealing street signs as a teenager counts.

29.  Rocket jump with a macro – um – I said I don’t really do FPS games – so no I can’t do this.

30.  Wire your home with ethernet – um every place I’ve lived with my wife we have had wired ethernet – we even used RG58 at one point.

31.  Know the 6 most important linux commands – yes I get command not found when I’m not thinking and run them in windows.

31. Rip your CDs to Flac – we did this for awhile then went back to MP3

32.  Stream Music, Movies, Pictures to any TV in the house – I’ve done this before – now we just carry our laptops around – shrug.

33.  Install and configure a VM – yes I’ve done this for literally years (maybe even a decade by now)

34.  Run multiple monitors – yes I use to dual monitor and run SWG on two different ones at the same time – I’m sad I know.

35. Run hacked firmware on a router – yes liek the rest of hte world I have a hacked linksys router /yawn.

36.  Pick a lock – I’m not good at it, but I’ve done it a couple times.

37.  Tell the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb – it’s been awhile but I think I could.

38.  Avoid DRM on everything – well streaming video legally that they talked about above seems to contradict this one doesn’t it.   However all my local video, music, picutres, and ebooks are DRM free.

39. Download a flash video and reformat it – yes I’ve done this – youtube videos locally stored on the N810 ftw.

40.  Get around in DOS – I grew up and DOS and resisted windows for a long time – so let’s just say yes.

41. Rip a DVD to h.264 – yes been there done that.

42.  Overclock your PC – yes I’ve done this my pride and joy was overclocking my AMD 133 mhz 486 to 160 MHZ – and it benchmarked and ran like a pentium 133 for half the cost.

43.  Use remote desktop – it’s part of my job – so yes.

44. Debate the merits of a star destroyer vs. the enterprise – yes, and the star destroyer would win.

45. Buld your own computer – built too many to actually count – I’m serious to – I worked at a small PC store and we sold hundreds – thousands of machines – so I cna build my own.

In irony they don’t seem to actually have 50 things on their list – so I think most geeks should know how to count also.

I look at the title for this blog post and I just think it looks for innuendo.  It may just be me, but let’s move on.   Last night I finished what was a three month journey which was reading Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke.  It didn’t take me long because I am a slow reader, if I power read it I could have done it in two or three days.   This was my bath book.   When I take a bath I prefer to read while I’m in there, otherwise I’m staring at the walls.

The book was a good read.  If you are an adult and you like the Harry Potter book I woudl recommend you pick this up.  The tone or content isn’t necessarily adult, but it does have a higher vocabulary then Rowling uses in her books.   I would say this is a mixture of Harry Potter and Stephenson’s Baroque Cycle.   If that intrigues you, but it.  It’s only 7.99 at Amazon now.

At one point in this whole debacle where I stopped talking to my mom, Xie thought she would try to mend things. She dropped me off at burger king to eat and went over to my mothers to talk (this is all second hand mind compared to most things I’ve written). Xie sat her down and told her she was going to push her children away one by one if she continued down the path she was going. That my mother had to pick herself up, get a job and move forward being an example (I’m sure Xie will comment on this story to fill in more details).

The selfish thing my mom said to my wife? “You don’t have to have a job why should I?”

Now because this is second hand I normally wouldn’t have included this, but I wanted to point out Xie’s effort. This wasn’t the first time my mother had said this. There are a lot of answers to this.

1. Xie has a supportive husband that hadn’t left her once and possibly will again
2. Xie spends her free time learning and expanding herself – my mothers expansion comes from Oprah and Dr. Phil
3. Xie doesn’t have two children at home not even teenagers yet that need to eat and hopes daddy will give mommy child support money
4. Xie isn’t a leech that feels entitled to it, she has offered to work many times, I don’t understand why both of us need to be miserable for a few extra bucks

While my mother is grazing the home shopping network for things to buy, Xie is doing Algebra out of text books for fun. There is a world of difference. Most notably my mother needed an income she could trust to take care of her kids and not ask friends and family for money to get by.

I will now give you an example I have full memory and first hand knowledge of. It was at a family holiday dinner a few years ago at my grandparents and somehow the morbid subject of what we would like if my grandparents passed on. I stated I would only want one thing, a cedar chest crafted by my grandmother’s cousin. My grandmother chimed in that it was going to be given to her cousins family, well my grandmother has been saying that my whole life, so for thirty years it’s still been sitting there. My mother then said I couldn’t have it because she wanted it. Selfish? Well let’s continue this story.

A few minutes later my mother asked me why I wanted the chest because she thought it was ugly and tacky. I said it was something that would always remind me of my grandparents, their house, and the memories. To me the chest is kind of like a symbol of my grandparents. This prompted me though to ask why did she want it if it was ugly? Her answer? She said she wanted it because I said I wanted it. So I was shocked and called her selfish, I think that was my annual fight that year and I left. It was petty, you would think as adamant as she was when she said she wanted it, that somehow I knew there was a secret stash of money tucked away in it. Nope, she is just worried about someone else getting something she can’t. What a great mother.

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here

Read Part 7 Here

Read Part 8 Here

Read Part 9 Here

Read Part 10 Here

Read Part 11 here

Read Part 12 Here

Read Part 13 Here

Read Part 14 Here

It’s been a few years since I’ve read Hacker Crackdown.   It was/is one of the best computer crime books I’ve ever read, Litte Brother is a close second.  Inside the book Sterling goes over the details of the biggest computer crime sting operations of all time.   I’m not going ot say everyone was guilty to the extent they were prosecuted, but some of the crimes that were prosecuted in this novel helped bring in the computer crime laws we have today (for better or worse).

The first time I read this was in 1995 on a 286 laptop with a 9600 baud modem.   I downloaded the book online, Sterling was one of the first mainstream authors to release his work for free online.  For someone at the time was reading Phrack and to have something that was professionally published (I’m not knocking Phrack – I loved Phrack)  was a completely different experience.

The book covers the history of computer crime before it jumps into the meat of the story.   Never does it really feel that the Sterling is pandering to you for anything, instead it teaches you.   For anyone interested in computer crime I would highly recommend picking this up.   So far I’ve worn through three copies myself.

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Just the other day I wrote about cloud computing versus SaS terminology.   A web application isn’t necessarily a cloud computing or SaS platform.   It can be one or the other, it can be both, it can be neither.   Now that, that is out of the way let’s move onto the meat.

I think that all web application developers would do well to look at WordPress and the product they offer as key points for their own designs.   Obviously I use WordPress as a blog, I also use it as a CMS, a middleware application system, a database, a word processor and other uses.   WordPress is extensible far beyond the original blog software it was designed to be.

The reason that WordPress is so transformative is the ability to use a fairly easy (well not for me but I suck at PHP and programming in general) API that the users can use to extend and transform the core product.  This is done through the use of plugins.   In theory the expandablity of WordPress would allow it to transform into any functional web application you can imagine.   I’m not saying this should be done however.   WordPress plugins a lot of times just add band-aids to a product to extend it further then the core company can imagine or support.

Think of your ticket support system.  Most of these are moving to a web based interface.  Easy to manage, no software to install on users computers, easily updated since you only have to update the core server – it’s a no brainer to move everything you can over to a web based centrally managed focus for a company.

Why can’t you extend it though?

Most of the web application companies MAY ALLOW YOU to go as far as put your company logo in the interface.  Allowing you to brand a product to some extent is not the same as extending the product.  I don’t want color changes.  I don’t want a simple image swap.  I want feature sets being implemented without waiting 18 months to have it done.  If you have a robust CRM application, in this modern time wouldn’t you want a spot to add a LinkedIn Profile section?  This would be as easy as allowing customers custom fields that they can rename on the back-end.   What about adding an image?  This would be a bit more difficult then a simple custom field, but still possible doable.  How about however a full blow plugin that looks up the LinkedIn contact info.

This is all hypothetical, but let’s say this is how the plugin would work in generic CRM system.

1.  User logged into the CRM would associate their own – or a corporation profile with Linkedin

2.  User plugins in new contacts e-mail address

3. User is prompted with “Would You Like to Request Connection on Linkedin?”

4.  If users states yes the plugin would go into a state of “Waiting for Remote User to Confirm”

5.  At this point the user could add in all the information they normally would in the CRM database

6.  Later the user would receive an confirmation (or decline) of linking up in LinkedIn

7. If the receive a confirmation they could then pull in the information to the CRM application.

8.  Then the CRM application would have connections and how they relate to each other in their database, home pages, Resumes, etc. – all from a couple clicks.

That is a scenario that would appeal to sales personnel.   Let’s look at something more urbane, a library look up system. A library lookup system is something very simple  and single tasked.  It works well and returns (normally) the following information:

• Title
• Author
• Subject
• Location
• If it’s in or checked out
• Sometimes a Summary
• Sometimes an Image

Now let’s look at methods we can use to extend this functionality.  The first thing I would make sure is there a public internet accessible site where either the general public, or the Library chooses just card members can access.  Library users are normally people that live in the same town and there are a good number of them that know each others.  What does that buy you?  Word of mouth.  What about a a secondary revenue stream outside of donations or overdue fines?  How can you leverage more people to show up at your fund raising drives?  I’m assuming these are question that library officials ask themselves.   How can we turn that simple search to find a book into something more?

Let’s give the users an option to use the search page as a social platform.  I would give the a users a choice of using the old style simple search functions, but also give them a chance to leverage the public you are serving to work with you instead of you working for them.

Let’s go over an imaginary social library platform.

1.  User opens up a search window into the library database and enters a query.

2. User gets back the title, author, and subject – then a link that states more information (this is where a plugin would take over)

3.  On the plugin page users could get back an image of they are searching.  They also see where it is located, if it’s in or not, and more.   What about a sidebar that allows them to purchase the book/movie/CD at Amazon?  Reviews from other library patrons?  A list of who checked out which book (make this opt-in only on a per title usage – don’t compromise a users privacy).  A listing of library events where the author is signing books, giving a reading, or there is a book discussion covering these topics?

You just made something that is infinitely more “sticky” and let’s the users interact with your site on a much larger scale then previously.  They are no longer browsing alone, but in a group, with people they know from town.

All of this is possible with a platform that allows plugins.  I’m not asking for web application developers to support any plugins directly.  If a plugin breaks or crashes the core site (shame on the user that puts an untested plugin in a production environment) – the web application developer should tell the user they will not support the product with any plugins running at all.   It doesn’t mean the framework, APIs, and access shouldn’t be there.

I’m pleading with web application developers that allow the users to have self hosted servers to please build this extensiability into their products.   I can hack around another platform and get these functions, but sometimes we just want to buy a program from a vendor with support.   Currently your making us choose between function or support.   It should not be that way.  Opening up can only gain customer loyalty in the long run.

Here is what has been published this week.

Articles:

Blogging For Hire

Movies I Own – Mallrats

Geek Gang Signs

Movies I Own – Clerks

I’ve Read Alot of The Books Palin Wanted to Ban

Website Review Twiggit.org

Can Anyone Name This Movie For Me?

Movies I Own – The Toy

More Web Statistics – Why Are They Going There?

An RFID Enabled Loyalty Card – Big Brother

Movies I Own – American Psycho 2

Movies I Own – Soul Plane

Have You Replied To Your Commenters Today?

I’m Now On The VCMA Board of Directors.

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UPDATE:

A commenter below pointed out via snopes that this list is a fake.  Like the commentator stated I only wish Palin to be sunk on her own merits and don’t wish to spread more false accusations.   While I may not like any of the candidates I will only be spreading true stories as far as I can find them.   I’m sorry I didn’t research this thoroughly enough before i posted it.

It’s no real secret that I am very unhappy with both candidates in the race and will vote for neither.   I would Digg or post more things from the Obama side that showed some of the gaffes and issues, unfortunately it seems it is easier to dig up dirt on the republicans.   LiveLeak printed a story about the books that Palin wanted (wants) to ban.  I don’t believe in the banning of any material nor do I believe in censorship.   I believe this is at ethical odds with the freedom of speech.    So even though I consider myself a republican, I guess in Palin’s eyes I’m not a good one.   Let’s look over the ones I have read (read the article for the full list).

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Blubber by Judy Blume
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Christine by Stephen King
Cujo by Stephen King
Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Grendel by John Gardner
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
The Shining by Stephen King
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
Then Again, Maybe I Won’t by Judy Blume
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff
The Witches by Roald Dahl

I guess with reading all of these books I must be too scarred and converted to be a republican.  I apologize for being dirtied by these words – or something.   I guess I should go start a book bonfire out back – then maybe I’ll fit in with the rest of the party.

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Though previously I wrote (a bit tongue and cheek) that I was writing reviews because I had nothing else to write, that’s not the complete truth.  Granted it is part of it, but here I am writing about writing reviews and not actually writing a review, I’m just writing (I wanted to see how many times I could use the word writing and make the sentence coherent).   The other side reason I have for writing reviews is there are some other communities I’ve wanted to contribute to that I haven’t.  Most of these are review sites.   The main two are All Consuming and Amazon.   Though there are some other sites I’ve wanted to contribute thought and effort into such as Netflix and Google Books.   

Reviews are a mainstay of communities, especially online ones.   The old psychological study on mirroring proves we relate better with people like ourselves.  When someone shares the same thoughts and ideas we have an attraction to them, a kinship.   Writing reviews and contributing to these other communities give me a bound and a vested interest in these communities.   I think moving into movie, book, and game reviews were a natural progression for me after signing up for Yelp.   I joined Yelp to check it out and I find it intriguing.  Review the restaurants you go to, sharing the experience with the world.   

In the new era of personal publishing and media, we’ve all become food reviewers, movie critics, book analysts, and game raters.   The power is to the people.  Our voices may not be strong, but they exist.   When we find people with similar tastes in the areas that we love, we trust their reviews.   I’m not saying I’m an expert, I would never pretend to know what you like or you enjoy in your heart.   I can show you what I enjoy and maybe we’ll have a mirroring relationship.   One that spurs on conversation and gives us a two way street in which we can share and trust reviews from one another.   Not everything will be a perfect match, but I’m sure it will lead to some interesting discoveries.

It’s been a long time since I’ve beeen excited about a new browser.  Theoretically I’ve never been excited about a new browser that was announced.   I remember being excited when AOL resurrected Netscape – but that turned into a flaming pile of poo and Netscape lost dominance being THE browser to use.   Like many users at that time frame I used Internet Explorer 5 and at the time it was best of breed, then a new challenger arose.

The Mozilla foundation announced they were taking the open source bits of the Netscape browser and making a new slimmer browser called Firebird.  Because of issues of legal and copyright, Firebird was renamed to Firefox.   I’ve been using this browser since Firebird and I have had no reason to move to a different primary browser.   I’ve tried Flock and Safari, there hasn’t been a sticky reason to keep using those over Firefox.   I was excited, kind of, of the release of Firefox version 3.   But that wasn’t a new and different browser, it was more of the same.

With last nights announcement of Google’s New Chrome Browser, but they put up a nice little web comic that explains the features it offers.   The security, privacy, performance enhancements alone make this a must watch for browser.  WHen it is actually released later today, we’ll see how I feel then.

UPDATE:

Found a site that has some Chrome screenshots you may enjoy.

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I know that I’m a boy and I should have liked high action comics with super heroes and big explosions.  Somehow until I was in my teenage years officially I liked Archie Comics the best.  I’m not going not say that I identified with Archie or anyone else in the comics, I just found them wildly entertaining.  I literally had hundreds of Archie comics (they were dirt cheap at the flea market compared to the action comics that cost 5 times as much).  I had a ton of the digests and “double digests”, though I can say when I see the occasional double digest these days at the super market aisle I am chagrined that it is the size of the old single digest.   What is the single digest a one sheet strip now?   I also can not tell you the last time I saw and actual Archie comic sold in a new comic books rack, though I don’t look that closely these days.

The age old debate that is probably older then Ginger versus Maryanne is Betty or Veronica.  I’m a Betty fan all the way (and Maryanne also).   The down home girl is the one for me in these scenarios.  In 1990 Archie was still still trying to decide between Betty and Veronica in a made for TV movie  Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again that takes place fifteen years after high school.  I can say even though I was fourteen when it came out I was excited and watched it when it came out.  I video taped it and watched it again and again.   This reminds me I need to hunt down a copy of that now.

Enjoy a couple clips from the TV movie:

My grandfather, I loved him, but when I was a young kid I really didn’t enjoy his choice in television programming.  Grandpa had cable, so he had all the cool channels I could get at home with our normal broadcast television.   I wanted to watch You Can’t Do That on Television or Danger Mouse.   Grandpa had other ideas.

Grandpa like watching war documentaries, to an eight year old I might as well have been wwatching paint job.  Since it was a 4 hour ride to Grandpa’s house that meant it was normally a big trip.  Big trips meant I couldn’t bring alot of stuff with me, so TV was the entertainment (though I read quite a few books on trips to Grandpa’s house).   Not only did Grandpa watch war documentaries incessantly he also fell asleep watching TV quite often (an affliction my wife says I have also).   This means that the TV was stuck on war documentaries and the only person that cared about them was asleep and not enjoying them.   So no concious person in the room was enjoying the television.  Dilemnas, Dilemnas.

So being a young child I discovered if I turned down the volume on the TV and then changed the channel, I could then raise the volume slowly and listen and watch whatever I wanted – until Grandpa woke up.  So we had 15-20 minutes of TV in between him waking up and changing the channel back to what he was watching.

I did this for years and eventually most of my cousins caught on also.

Picture from here

Amazon.com recently released pre-orders for J.K. Rowlings latest book The Tales of Beedle the Bard.   They are two editions available:

The Standard Edition

Which is being sold at a pre-order price of $7.59

Order it now to secure this price

Or alternatively

There is also the deluxe collector’s edition

Which is being sold at a pre-order price of $100.00

Order it now to secure this price

• All five fairy tales from the original The Tales of Beedle the Bard
• Outer case disguised as a wizarding textbook from the Hogwarts library
• Exclusive reproduction of J.K. Rowling’s handwritten introduction
• 10 new illustrations by J.K. Rowling not included in the Standard Edition or the original handcrafted edition
• Velvet bag embroidered with J.K. Rowling’s signature
• Metal skull, corners, and clasp
• Replica gemstones
• Emerald ribbon

Plot line from Wikipedia

The Tales of Beedle the Bard also is a plot device in the seventh novel of the Harry Potter series, Deathly Hallows, in which it is bequeathed to Hermione Granger by Albus Dumbledore. The book is described as a popular collection of wizarding children’s fairy tales, thus while Ron Weasley is familiar with the stories, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had not previously heard them due to their non-magical upbringing.

The edition Hermione received in chapter seven in Dumbledore’s will is a copy of the original edition of fictional books in the novel. It is described as an ancient-looking small book with its binding “stained and peeling in places”. In the novel it is also said the book has a title on its cover, written in embossed runic symbols.

The book acts as the vehicle for introducing the Deathly Hallows. Above the story The Tale of the Three Brothers, Hermione Granger finds a strange symbol which later is revealed by Xenophilius Lovegood to be the symbol of the Hallows. The triangle from the symbol represents the Invisibility Cloak, the circle inside the triangle symbolizes the Resurrection Stone, and the vertical line represents the Elder Wand.

After finishing Deathly Hollows, Rowling hand wrote a manuscript for The Tales of Beedle the Bard.   This manuscript was purchased by Amazon.com for 3.98 million.  If you need something to get your Harry Potter fix on now that the series is over, this is your book.

I’ll be maintaining updates on this at beedlebard.net where I originally wrote this post.

Just finished the audio book version of Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins.   While there seems to be some controversy over the amount of truth in the story, if it’s truthful at all, I can say the story was dry.   Interesting, but dry.  It could be that the subject matter didn’t greatly interest me, but I thought it would.   I will have to be different then Leo Laporte who kept talking up the audio book on many podcasts.

Since moving to Diablo on my N810 I can no longer have Canola2 sync the RSS feeds of my podcasts.   I was at a loss, I didn’t want to set up another podcatcher and move them over manually.   I also didn’t want to install anything else on my n810 to try and do this for me (you Canola2 folks better be happy for my loyalty).  So for lack of anything else I decided to start listening to audio books.

I used to listen to audio books in my pre-teen age, trying to cram more books into my skull at the same time.  The problem is that I didn’t absorb them the same way as I do the written word.  I’m still sure I miss a lot listening to the audio book of something versus reading it, but I get enough of it that it is still enjoyable.   I decided to start with John Grisham’s The Appeal.

The book is pretty much standard John Grisham fare, if you like his criminal law dramas then I would definitely recommend picking up a copy of it.  Pick it up in hardcover or paperback or audiobook from Amazon.

Picture taken from here

Last night I we had our community band practice moved to a church for the night.  Ironically it was the church of the girl I lived with before I was with my wife (over a decade ago).  I wish I could tell you that we broke up over a mutual disagreement where we went our own separate ways but it didn’t work out like that.   Since at one point of time she was once a huge point of my life I thought I would document her, at that point the facts will be recorded and I’ll put the past behind me.

When I was a freshmen in high school I met Kim the night of the High School Homecoming dance (back in 1990 – cripes this memory is of legal age).  I had friends in marching band (this was the year before I started playing trumpet at all) and I was hanging out with them some girl was just wandering around a circle of people crying on the shoulders of those around her.  I was one of those people, this girl was Kim.   She had just been dumped by some guy and the marching band members were taking the pity circle approach.  She started crying on me and I didn’t know who the hell she was.   Eventually she moved on to the next person.  A few weeks later she started dating my best friend, fortunately I didn’t go out with them to do anything so I saw very little of her the rest of the school year.  She popped up occasionally but for the most part she was a non issue.

Picture of me and my best friend that brought Kim into my life – bastard.

The next summer I got conned into joining marching band (ironically I didn’t play an instrument at the time) and I was there around the time my friend dumped Kim (who graduated the previous year) so he could have a shot at chasing after another girl.   Kim hung around the marching band practices like graduated seniors with nothing better to do occasionally do.  One day it was raining and I asked her for a ride home – curse her.   This started to be a regular thing, she was still upset with my friend leaving her so she would talk to me about him, and other things.   After a couple months of becoming good friends we started dating.   On a cool fall day down the road from house at her friend’s house I had my first kiss sitting on the hood of her 1991 powder blue Topaz.

I started sneaking out a lot at night to see her, I think this was the start of my 4 hours a night sleeping routine.   I had sneaking out of my house down to the science.   Sometimes I wonder which was greater, the nights I did sneak out or the nights I didn’t.   My parents were not too ecstatic with their 15 year old son dating an 18 year old.   I’ll also be kind enough to leave out details and allow you to read between the lines when it comes to intimate details.

This was also the year I started writing.  I started with poetry and found I had a knack for it.  I did the silly love letters and so did she.   I think I still have a few of them.  Almost all of my poetry is already is already on this blog but I’m sure there are some journal pages (folks that was analog blogging) I’ve left out.   I’m sure reading them today would sound very Emo-ish.  If I can find them and read through my chicken scratch hand writing I’ll put them up.

The summer that followed we spent most of our time with one another, we went to movies, to Cedar Point, and other related activities.  One thing I can remember sticking out in my mind was when we left Cedar Point because the weather was picking up.  As we were driving back there was a Tornado siting in our town.  We watched the skies carefully and made it back to her parent’s house.   We found out later that a tornado did touch down about 2 miles from us.  It was very crazy and stupid to be driving out in that.

We dated for 9-10 months and the following year in marching band I took my friends lead and dumped her.  I started dating another girl Mari.   About 3 months later that relationship didn’t work out and I left Mari.   We’ll discuss more on Mari another day.   At this point Kim was going with Nate, some guy ahead of me in school.

Mari from back when I dated her.

Well Kim and I started talking again since we had always been good friends.  On December 31st, 1992 I was having a New Years Eve party at my house (with a fair amount of people as I recall) and I get a phone call from Kim.   She wasn’t going to stop by because some of the people there didn’t like her, which was fine.  She was at her friend’s house at another party just a couple streets over.  What ever was going through her mind, because though we had been talking again off an on, she wanted me to stop over and talk for a few minutes.   So like a good friend (fool) I wander over to talk to her.   What I don’t remember if she told me was that her boyfriend Nate was there.

We were talking (and sitting on that damn Topaz again) and someone started yelling inside the house.  Out of this house busts this big guy.  All he said was “Nate wanted me to mess you up.” and I got punched in the face.  Since I was on the edge of the car he caught me in a spin and knocked me down a few feet from where I was standing. This was the second time in my life I have been punched (in a true fight and haven’t been punched since).  I think he may have gotten in a couple more shots, it’s been so long ago it’s a blur.  This guy’s girlfriend and Kim dragged him off an pulled him back into the house, Kim apologized and I wandered back home.

When I got there I was fuming, I grabbed a baseball bat from my bedroom and started back towards the front door.  Luckily from a police record stand point I was talked down by the people at my party.   Granted half the guys wanted to go over there and start something, but the girls at the party and some of the other guys cooled down the situation.  I never went over.   Since that night was one of the few times I have been punched it’s etched into my brain.

Things calmed down and Kim and I continued talking.  A few months later things didn’t work out between her and Nate and they broke up.   We dated a little bit for a few weeks, but just kind of maintained a friendship point of view.  After that we went our separate ways for awhile.   In spring of 1994 my girlfriend at the time dumped me right before prom (today we have different takes on how this went down).  Shortly after that (somehow I don’t remember) Kim and I started talking again.   Talking lead to dating.    This was the road that it always was with Kim.   Being friends and trying to keep it platonic always lead to something more.

We dated through the summer and she even went to my Mother’s wedding.  My step-father and I never really saw eye to eye, he came into the house trying to be an alpha male.  It wasn’t happening though.  We never got along though for time periods we could fake it and even be civil to one another.   Why is this relevant?  Well right after the wedding took place ( I played trumpet so I was part of the service) I guess my step father made a lot of derogatory remarks to her about her and about me.  Then and there I didn’t know this.  She told me as we were driving back to my mother’s house for a wedding reception.

I was fuming.  I arrived to the house just a couple minutes before my mother and my new step father.  I happily started a screaming match on the front lawn.  Luckily Kim was house sitting at her sister’s place for a couple of weeks I went inside and grabbed a couple changes of clothes and left for a few weeks, never even calling.  Sometime during this time frame being an young fool I asked Kim to marry me and she said yes.  I was just a couple weeks past eighteen and I was engaged.

I came home and stayed for a couple weeks before I was to leave for college.   The big day arrived and I was supposed to use my mother’s mini van to haul all my stuff an hour south to school.  Originally my mother was going to drive me down to school and Kim and my friend Tim were supposed to come and help move stuff.  My mother said she would go but my step father also had to come.   I didn’t want him there and asked if we could just take the van and Kim would bring it back afterward.  Well this escalated into a screaming match that rivaled the wedding reception just a month or so earlier.

I hadn’t been on speaking terms really with my father at this point, and there was a lot of animosity between my mother and him.  My step-father helped fuel this by mocking me and saying my father should take me down (I literally had to be at the school the next day for college marching band camp).  Time was dragging on and the fighting escalated, I ended up kicking the mini van in the front passenger side fender and leaving a huge dent that stayed there for a few years until my step father pounded it out.   For a little FYI the mini van was already packed and filled with all my stuff.    Even if I had compromised and capitulated and had him go there literally was no room for a fifth person in that van.  My mother had enough at this point and handed us the keys.

I think I cried the whole way down to college this was the second time my mother chose my step father over her child in what was an important day in his life.   We made it to school and I settled in.  We were going to do the long distance relationship.  There was a phone on campus where i used to make collect calls to her (or I had a huge roll of quarters sometimes).   When I called collect I used a fake name so her parents wouldn’t know it was me and think it was a wrong number if she didn’t answer the phone.   She came down and visited once (which looking back for a 40 minute drive really is pathetic – that’s less then one way in my daily commute).   After three of four weeks I had enough and broke it off with her.  I started dating someone at college and I called it a day.

Christmas break rolled around and I was kind of in between girlfriends at the time (another post for another time) and Kim and I managed to get back together.   We spent most the month with each other and when it came time to go back to school, I took a side trip to see my grandfather who was in the hospital.   We drove down to the Dayton area about 4 hours away and stayed at my my grandfather’s house since no one else was there.   That night Kim went to bed and I stayed up and wrote a letter to my grandmother.  The next day we headed to the hospital but stopped at my grandmother’s grave and I left the note for her there.   We went and visited my grandfather who had suffered and stroke and lost 60% of his body mass.  She was there for me and I appreciated it.

School rolled around and I reconciled with my girlfriend from the previous semester.  Now for some reason this should have been a straight break up with Kim moment.   I held off for a couple days and Kim came down to visit.   The situation was not a surprise to my college girlfriend, she knew what was happening.    I took Kim to the local mall and we walked and talked, but my college girlfriend stalked us and was obvious about following us. After getting back to the car Kim asked what it all was about, I explained and broke up with her.  She dropped me off at my dorm room and I thought then that she left.   I went up and spent time with my college girlfriend, while this was happening Kim proceeded to make out with my roommate’s best friend.  That’s the kind of rebound girl she was.

At this point you would think that the Kim college years era was over, well not quite.   I get a phone that she is pregnant and needs to talk.   I arrange it that I come home that weekend to talk to her.  Problem was college girlfriend insisted on going and I had not told her about the pregnancy.  I manage to get up north and slip away for a little bit to talk to Kim.   This leads me back home and my college girlfriend is upset.  She tells me she is pregnant (I had not told her Kim was pregnant yet).  So I’m 18 years old and I find out in less then seven days that I have two girls pregnant.  To add to the top of the tower here, college girlfriend and I break up.

A few weeks later I’m dating someone else and I find out both college girlfriend and Kim have miscarriages within a week of each other.  I don’t tell anyone and did not tell either one of them, so it’s coincidence that they both told me, and today I think they were both lying to me over the incident.   Around this time period my grandfather died and I was dealing with that also.   College progressed mostly Kim until summer rolled around.  I was not going back to school the following year, so two weeks after moving back I moved out of my mothers house and moved in with Kim who had taken over her sisters apartment.

Kim managed to get me a job at the local Speedway, which at the time was about the size of two of the cubicles I have at work now.   I enjoyed working there, I enjoyed the night shift.   One day however I got in a disagreement with the manager and just up and quit.  After that my high school friend that originally dated Kim secured me a job at a local marina.   I did that for a year paying the bills until I secured my first computer job.   All through this Kim and I stayed together.   One day a girl saw us at a restaurant and told me (a year or so later) that she felt so bad for me she wished there was something she could do for me.   I used to go out and hang out with friends until early morning hours and around this time I finally got my drivers license (I was twenty).

One night Kim went out and didn’t come home, she stayed at a friends house – a single male friends house – after a night of drinking.  from all accounts nothing happened, I don’t happen to believe that.  The reason I didn’t believe it was that my high school friend kept saying she came on to him when I wasn’t around.  I believe him, not her.  Things were getting worse and worse over the next year, I would go out more and she would do her own thing.  She criticized my friends, or say they were too young. or into the wrong things.   Though we did manage to go camping twice while we lived together.

The first time we drove to somewhere in the backwoods of Pennsylvania with her parents.  Her parents treated me even worse then she did, so for the week we were there I hated it the whole time.   It’s hard to get me to go camping as it is now (ask Xie) let alone with people I don’t really like.   The second time we went camping I took a friend with me, in the middle of the trip Kim went storming off and said she was taking off and going home leaving use 300 miles away from home with no way back.  While she was so confident and storming off to her car I told her to “Screw off, ” I then laughed at her and told her I had her keys which she asked me to hold.   My friend and I left her at the camp and went off hiking.   Things reconciled and at this point we are at July 1997.

At this point I was hanging out in a different crowd with people with which I’m still friends with some of them until this day.  There was a girl who caught my eye and I was interested in.  My friend from the camping trip and were talking and I asked him if this girl would be interested in me if I was single.   He said she probably would be (he had no clue).  This is a Tuesday night.  I went over and talked to my mother and asked her if I could move my stuff back home.  I then showed up at the apartment with at least 10 people with 3-4 vehicles and I told Kim I was moving out and the group then paraded through the apartment and had me moved out in about 20 minutes.   I told Kim I would come back and we could talk about it after I got everything unloaded.

I went back and spent the night at the apartment (nothing happened) and we talked most the night.   She borrowed 100.00 from me so she could pay rent.   The next day I asked the girl I was interested in out on a date.   Kim called me on Thursday night to see if I wanted to do something on Friday.  I told her I had a date.   The next morning there was books and items strewn across my mothers lawn.   Things that I had forgotten to take with me.   The date went off without a hitch and the girl told me that a year or so earlier she had seen me at the restaurant broken and wished she could have helped me.   This girl was Xie and I married her.

You would think this is where it ends, but there is an addendum.   Xie had recently broken up with her boyfriend.  For some reason it was in her boyfriend’s head  and Kim’s head that we mutually dumped both of them to be together.  It was a matter of circumstance, but to them they felt the logical thing was to date each other.   Xie and I laughed and let them be on there way.  Kim degenerated more and more, she slept around a lot, somehow everyone thought I wanted to here and know about the stories so they filtered in.  After trying to make me jealous didn’t work she dated a couple people and then one day a couple years later I get a note on the windshield of my car outside the apartment Xie and I had.   It said she missed me and really jsut wanted to be friends.   Well we’ve seen how being friends worked out in the past, I never called her.

I did have to deal with her for a few years at the High School Alumni Band every year, but I guess while I was in Oregon she got in a big huff with someone and said she was never coming back.   Yay me!  That was a treat to hear when I came back.  Other news that passed through the grape vine while I was in Oregon was that she worked as a lunch lady for a little bit, my sisters told me they saw her working at the school.  She was married, but the marriage only lasted a few months.   Now it seems that I hear that she is single and can’t find anyone that wants to settle down with her (I don’t blame them).

The last year we were together she was working for my father, and still worked for him a little ways after the break up.   She borrowed 100.00 dollars from him and never paid it back.   So she owes him and I each 100.00 dollars, it’s definitely worth eating the loss to have to not deal with her again.

The last couple years she has been at the sidelines with Tim who helped me move to college all those years ago (as friends they always have been) during the Vermilion Woolybear Festival while the whole band is on the float.  She kept her head down, pulled a hood over her head and wore sunglasses, but it was her.   I think she was hiding from teh band in general then just me since Tim looked shocked my first year back from Oregon seeing me on the float so I’m sure she had no idea I was up there before hand.

I started this off by saying I had practice in her old church.  While on break I wandered around a little bit and saw a K Pearce in the member mail box area with a pamphlet in it.  I then found a board that had pictures of all the members and who they were.  There was her picture.  She looks a good 10 years old then she she should and who knows if the picture is recent.  I thought for a minute to put my initials in an art style she would recognize as knowing where they came from on the pamphlet in her mail box.   I thought about putting my email address, or just typing in “Google Creeva”.  I then realized I might find it funny or humorous at that moment, but it wasn’t worth it.   The humor did not out weigh the pain of maybe actually having to hear from her or deal with her in any way.

If you know her and see her, you can happily tell her about this.   I’m happily married and in January it will be my tenth wedding anniversary.   I’ve managed to sum up most the highlights in the relationship in a few paragraphs.  If she wants to meet in public and talk about them I’ll be happy to…….as long as she has the 200.00 she owes me and my father.  I’ll give her time to finish a coffee at the very least.   I’d even bring the coffee, all conditional on the back debt being paid.   Otherwise I just look at the life she has, where she has gone, and what she has brought upon herself.  Do you know what I do when I do that?  I laugh.

]]> http://creeva.com/2008/06/20/my-ex-girlfriend-looks-ancient/feed/ 7 http://creeva.com/2008/06/19/my-pablo-defendi-print-of-little-brother-arrived/ http://creeva.com/2008/06/19/my-pablo-defendi-print-of-little-brother-arrived/#comments Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:49:36 +0000 Creeva http://creeva.com/?p=2906

Yesterday my art print from Pablo Defendi arrived.  I had gotten this copy for the cost of shipping (I slipped him a little bit extra) and being one of the first responders to comment in his giveaway thread.  The original frame I got for it was too large so I had to pick up a smaller one.   Here is the unboxing (you can click all the images to see higher res on my flickr stream).

The print arrived in an unassuming Fedex package, I was giddy though……

Inside the Fedex package it was wrapped again in paper – excitement building…….

It was taped on the back after being folded over all four sides.  I took extreme caution taking off the paper afraid I would accidentally tear in too deep and damage the print.

The first picture of the print that shows off my non-existent camera focusing skills

A better view of the print unwrapped.  My focusing seems to have gotten better.

In the corner it has the print number, mine is 13 out of 20.  Lucky 13 for me.

Pablo even signed and put the year on it in the right hand corner.

It the center he even put down the print name “Little Brother”.

My personal thank you to Pablo.  I will love this print for all time.  You all have to look at the weird guy holding the sign.

Same weird guy, holding a different sign.   Thank you Cory Doctorow for writing “Little Brother“.

My picture showing the motto of the movement used at the end of the book.   Unfortunately under this scenario I can not be trusted, but then again I’m not sure I should be, so maybe it’s right.

I would like to give a sincere thank you to Pablo for the art work and I would like to encourage everyone that visits my site to head over to his and support him.   I also encourage to everyone to go purchase Little Brother or at least download it and read it from Cory’s site.  So far I’ve gotten one other person to read it and they thought I was dead on for the recommendation.  You won’t be disappointed.

]]> http://creeva.com/2008/06/19/my-pablo-defendi-print-of-little-brother-arrived/feed/ 0 http://creeva.com/2008/06/09/finished-reading-busting-vegas-by-ben-mezrich/ http://creeva.com/2008/06/09/finished-reading-busting-vegas-by-ben-mezrich/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:19:46 +0000 Creeva http://creeva.com/?p=2858

Friday morning I was in Oberlin and stopped in the college bookstore for something quick to read.   I was searching for a copy of “Little Brother“,  but was denied in that search.  So after browsing and not finding anything too interesting I was headed out the door, but before doing so I checked out their clearance section.   I saw “Busting Vegas” (at the time I thought it was Mezrich’s previous novel “Bringing Down the House“) and purchased it for 5.99.   After learning about my misconception on what story was in the book, I shrugged and still read since I love stories about security in general and how people have bypassed them.  It’s in blood as a security engineer and I love the insights I get from other avenues.

The story in and of itself was entertaining, and unlike “Bringing Down the House” which was turned into a movie, this book is not about card counting.  It is about three techniques that show some major security flaws in the game of blackjack, or vegas itself if you choose that outlook on it.  I would go into more detail, but I recommend buying the book yourself (or if you interested I’ll sell you my copy for 5.99 (2.00 plus 3.99 shipping and signed if you are so interested)).  What this is going to get me to do is to research and findout what security measures that Vegas (and casinos in general) have put into place now that this information is in the public domain.

You can get this book form Amazon for 5.99 (same price I paid minus tax) here.

When I was living in Oregon my great grandmother passed away, unfortunately my wife never had a chance to meet her.   She was considered the “not completely normal” one of the family.   From my perspective, especially now, I can say that she was probably one fo the most normal one of the family.   She was also one of the ones most like me.   She had a voracious appetite for reading and absorbing knowledge.  She didn’t also believe in popular opinion and would find things in her own way.   I think part of her problem was she was born in the wrong era.  I think she would have been absorbed and delighted in the Internet and the way things are today.

The dream mostly consisted of a normal visit where she was staying at my grandparents.   There was just normal talking and I was my current age for whatever reason.  There was nothing contextually strange or out of place and no significant incidents occured.  When she did leave I was crying and my grandparents were questioning why I was upset.   I was going on how she had gotten her doctorate (she hadn’t IRL) and how she was a great woman.   How her views and ideas mattered.   In the dream I had almost worked myself up to a frenzy.    Then I woke up.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was my face was soaked and covered in tears.   This was one of those dreams that bled over from the dream world to the real world.   I can say I truly miss her, but I don’t think of her that often, and definitely not as often as I should.   I have a few pictures of her and they stand around being a testament of where I’ve come from.   My grandmother used to save up books and give them to me.   I still have quite a few of those books she has given me over the years.  She was a strong lady and I think that life moves on in a strange way.

Why am I writing this?  I think i just want a testament to know that I’m still not in a dream.  That this is what is real.   Grief is a hard thing to deal with and sometimes it hits you at the strangest of times.