Creeva's World 2.0 » Family

Going Digital and On Demand – Part 1 Pictures

Creeva — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:37:18 +0000

This post has multiple parts to it, so fair warning I’m guessing this one is going to be long. Lately I’ve been more and more annoyed at traditional hard copy media. It’s a pain in the butt to deal with and takes up way too much physical space (for those that know me you find that sentence greatly amusing).

Pictures

This started happening over the last year with photo albums. Photo albums are terrible. It means normally that one person has a copy of the image and you can’t share them. It is essentially technology of the last generation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer in having prints, but the pictures themselves.

I’ve made it my mission to start getting the family photos and scanning them in. I’ve managed to get most of my father’s photos from the era he was with my mother. The ones I’m missing are any he has of the kids hanging on the walls in his house. My next run is going to be the pictures from his current family (so a good 15-16 years worth of pictures to go).

My grandmother on the other hand has been very tightfisted with her photos. I can understand her being protective, but so far I’ve managed to get 59 photos out of her to scan (out of literally over a 1000-2000). I have managed to scan my photo album, and more recently used the digital SLR and took pictures of my scrap book from high school. So both of these can be tucked away in boxes that I don’t need to look at and take up physical space in my house.

All the photos I have are now uploaded to Flickr. You can also read about my photo sharing issue with my mother over here.

Continued tomorrow in part 2

Happy Valentines and Happy Birthday Dad

Creeva — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 14:31:31 +0000

The picture is going with “love is with your family” motif. That’s my father with my brother and myself (I don’t think he is really asleep). Happy birthday dad. Happy Valentine’s day to everyone else.

I’ve Written A Bit About My Brother Lately

Creeva — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 12:14:46 +0000

I know I’ve been writing about my brother over the last week or so on and off. It wasn’t for any particular reason. Maybe it was because of his birthday this week. I can’t really say it was venting since I wasn’t really complaining about him. It was just one of those things, you think of one story and another pops up. If after writing this post another one pops into my head, I’ll set it up to publish in a couple months.

I just don’t think I can put too much time into one family member, especially when I have so many family members I can pick on. At least this last week will give my brother a few articles to read the few times he actually visits my blog and searches the term “brother”. The first few times he did that there were no results.

I Told My Brother How He Was Going To Die

Creeva — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 11:56:30 +0000

I was the oldest child in my family. I can also say I was a bastard older brother, mostly I think it was because I always wanted to be a single child. So far barring any other additions (extremely unlikely) I’m the oldest of eight. So my dreams of being a single child didn’t really play out as expected. My sisters, well I was always protective of them. My brother on the other hand…. Well we’ll leave it with the fact that we have never gotten along for any length of time.

While there are a few good stories I have about my brother, I’m going to start with one of the ones I was most proud of. It was how I killed my brother. Granted he is still alive and well and in November had his second child. So I didn’t really kill him, but he thought I did.

One day my brother was being extremely annoying, but he was always up for dare (once in high school we managed to convince him to run down the street naked when there was six inches of snow on the ground). Well that day I had a plan. Now I’m sure almost everyone reading this has learned the method to check and see if a nine volt battery is still good. Well in all honesty there are a few methods.

Method 1. – Plug it into something and see if it turns on.

Method 2. – Using a battery tester

Method 3. – Putting a penny across the two terminals and see if it warms up (great for melting crayons).

Method 4. – The old tried and true method of licking the battery terminals and see if you get a shock.

One day I decided to teach my brother method four. I would say I was nine or ten years old, so he would have been four-five years old. At first I explained the procedure, he (smartly) did not believe me. So he wanted me to do it first. I licked the battery, and was assured it was live. I also showed no emotion to the shock of licking the battery (this was key). I then proceeded to hand over the battery to him. He was still sceptical but he proceeded to lick the battery.

His head shot back from the surprise shock ( I think it was a new battery). He was upset at this time. At first he was going to tell on me. I then proceeded to tell him that licking the battery was going to cause him to die within a day. There was no cure and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t believe and pointed out that I licked the battery first. I told him that I didn’t lick it at all, that I just acted like I did. So I wasn’t going to die at all.

This had him livid and crying, but as he was about to run downstairs and tell my parents, I asked him what they would think if he told my parents that he did something so stupid. He was upset and stayed up in the room for a little while discussing what to do. Eventually he went down and told my parents. I of course got yelled at for that one. I can say that it was worth it though.

I’m going to die?

The First Time My Brother Drove A Car

Creeva — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 13:58:05 +0000

Image from here

I’m going to go out on a limb and call out ages here, I could be wrong. The first time my brother operated a vehicle he was four years old, which would make me around nine at the time. The location – my grandparent’s house. My grandparent’s driveway used to be on a hill. I always enjoyed just speeding a bike down that hill – if I had to guess it was probably about five cars deep. So it was about fifty feet long with about twenty of that being mostly flat.

We were getting ready to leave my grandparent’s house and my mother sent my brother and myself out to the car. Now since this was along time ago (in a galaxy far far away?) some details on which family car this was has been lost in the ages. I remember one car and different parents remember others. I’m fairly sure at the age my brother was he doesn’t remember which car it was at all. What I can tell you is that it was a stick shift.

I was sitting in the back seat of the car and my brother was climbing around the front of the car. I was reading a book or comic book in the back seat of the car and I noticed my mother coming out of my grandparent’s garage and walking towards the car. At some point in this my brother had removed the parking break and managed to get the car into neutral. The car started rolling down the hill. My mother saw this and started running towards the car. She made it to the driver’s side car door, but she couldn’t open it. Somehow my brother had managed to lock the car door. I was in the back seat frozen in fear (shock?) at what was going on. My mother was yelling at me to jump in the front seat and stop the car or unlock the door. I just couldn’t move.

Down and down the hill we went, I know that it took less then a minute or so , but at the time looking back it felt a lot longer. We passed the end of the driveway and were moving into the street. We crossed the street and ended up in the yard of the house across the street (luckily my grandmother lived in a cul-de-sac and there was no cross traffic). In the yard across the street my brother managed to scratch the side of the car across a telephone pole, just missing hitting it by inches.

Since he didn’t hit the pole I guess you could say his first experience was a success. That isn’t what it felt like for me sitting in the back seat.

Just Because Something Is Online Doesn’t Mean It’s Public Domain

Creeva — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:03:08 +0000

The above picture has nothing to do with this article.

A few weeks ago I was having a discussion with one of my family members about web site design and blogging. He stated that he was going to be starting some sort of manga/anime fan site based on a certain character. I stated that he should be a bit wary about the images he used that he may have to worry about copyright issues since the images were trademarked and copyrighted. Keep in mind this was the same brother that wanted to setup a website for a girl so you couldn’t download the images (and I called him out on the futile nature of that). Kind of ironic when he wants to control it, he thinks one way – but when he wants to use it he thinks another.

Another family member piped in that they thought if it was online it was public domain and free to use. Now I corrected them, but so everyone else knows – just because something is published online doesn’t mean it’s free to use. When I don’t use my own pictures I always use creative common licensed images and put an attribution link beneath the image (sometimes I do use public domain images and don’t attribute). I even had an online scuffle with someone who licensed her work via creative commons and didn’t know what it meant.

I gave my family the two minute off the top of the head review of current copyright law and how creator’s rights worked under our borked legal system. Essentially if you are in the US anything made 1923 or earlier is free game – anything after that is the life of the creator plus seventy years. Unless the page it’s on states otherwise you have to assume the work is copywritten. Then we get into fair use, which is a whole other ball of wax entirely that I’m not going to touch right now.

Looking Back At A Month of Mom

Creeva — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:49:05 +0000

I never truly finished my “Month With Mom Series“, I was working on the novel for NANOWRIMO, and then came back and ran out of steam to finish the blog article series. It’s take me over a month, but I wanted to address a couple comments. The first came from my youngest sister who still lives with my mother and step-father:

Ok well im just going to say what I feel . About the part 2 and part 3 , I feel she should of never ever took him back . He is not a father and doesnt act like one. He does not bother talking to us all the time except for my yonger brother usually. And is mean to the pets . I dont even like him living in the house . And seems like he doenst even try at all . But I still dont get what she see’s in him. When he was in Columbus it was better without him . But thats all im gonna say .

She seems to have some of the same feeling that I do on the issue, at least when it comes to how my mother dealt with my step-father during their separation and the reconciliation. So this is similar feelings coming form someone that is thirty-two and someone that lives in that household and is thirteen. This is also her father, it might be my step-father, but it is her father and this is the treatment she feels that she gets. Don’t forget that I had another sister pipe in on her feelings. My own father has read my series, but thought it would be best to not leave public comments, I guess in some ways he is a wise man.

This next comment was left by Groovymarlin who runs her own blog, but I knew through playing SWG with. This comment was left on part 20 of the series (also the final part I finished).

I’ve been reading these all along and I have to say they’re fascinating, though maybe not for the reasons that you think. I’ll just summarize my thoughts so far:

1. Your mom is obviously a very shallow person. It also sounds like she was a little too selfish and self-centered to be a very good mom.

2. On the other hand, you were all fed, clothed, received medical care, etc., etc, growing up yes? My point being – she may not be a very good mom, but there are much WORSE moms.

3. A lot of your complaints about her sound pretty nit-picky to a third party. I’m sure that to you, just about everything she does is annoying and obnoxious and irritating. But to an outsider, a lot of the things she does sound like…things that middle-aged women do. However…

4. Your opinion and view of her has obviously been colored by the truly negative things she HAS done in the past, and therefore every one of her transgressions is magnified to you.

5. Your mom seems to have a bad habit of using people, but remember: people allow themselves to be used. Your grandparents in particular seem to have no problem allowing her to manipulate them. Is it right? No. Are they adults, and capable of deciding for themselves whether to allow this? Yes (at least as far as we know – if at some point due to age or health they become unable to make these decisions on their own, then there would be a real problem).

I think in general you’re handling the mom situation the right way, which is to just let her do her own thing, as long as it’s not hurting you or your own family. I feel pretty bad about some of the things she said about, to, and in front of your sister. That passive-aggressive shit is not cool, not from anyone, and especially not from a mother. But what can you do about that, other than give your sister your emotional support and help her do her own thing as well? Nothing.

People suck, don’t they?

Ever since I read this comment I thought it would be a good blog post on it’s own for a reply instead of loosing it in the noise of comments that no one would ever read, just like my sister’s comment above. Though she says I’m handling this the right way and can see where I am coming from I wanted to address a couple of the points.

Point number two stated because we were clothed, fed, and had medical care that she couldn’t have been a terrible mom, there are crack addict mothers that can do the same. When I was 16 I had a job where I pulled a muscle in my chest. It kept going for a few days where I didn’t tell anyone that I was having trouble breathing. Everytime I took a deep breath it physically hurt ot breath. Not to the point where I couldn’t breath, but to the point where I thought something was wrong with my heart since it was in that vincinity. Like eveyr male I ignored it as long as possible and finally mentioned to my mother.

My mother thought I was making it up and yelled at me for making her take me to the doctor. Stating she didn’t have the money for it (my parents were divorced by then). I think my grandparents ending up paying for it. It turned out I didn’t have heart problems like i was afraid, but a pulled chest muscle like I said. I had been hyper-ventilating for days, which means taking breaths faster and more shallow then you normally would. I hadn;t noticed since it seems we are taught when you are hyperventilating you are gasping for air. I was proscribed codeine for the pain, every once in awhile to this day the problem will creep back for a week or two and I just deal with it since pain medication is the only thing they can proscribe. My siblings have had similar doctor experiences where my mother only reluctantly took them after we plead the case to my grandparents since my mom thought it was some sort of attention plea.

I never asked for medical attention from my mother. Besides getting teeth pulled for braces the last major medical thing tha tI had done was in elementary school when I got chronic ear aches. So this wasn’t a case of my mother always dragging me ot the doctor and me haivng nothing wrong with me, it was serious to me, I was in tears fearing the worst about my condition and thinking it was my heart.

A similar issue goes with the getting fed thing, my mother has always chosen not work. Because of this she happily took advantage of the free lunch program for the local schools. I can’t say that my sibling are still on it, yet for two years of my high school I was. It seemed to her better to get her kids free lunches then to get a job. She has worked the welfare system so she could go on buying things from the home shopping network and Longaberger baskets, but send her children into the free lunch program. that is selfish and naive, and if she had been cutting back on other things maybe I would have more sympathy and understanding.

So did she keep clothed, fed, and medical care – only when it suited her, she didn’t have pay, it didn’t effect other people’s appearance of her, or she was forced. I still wonder what school officials thought about me wearing hundred dollar tennis shoes (since she wanted us to look our best) while getting free lunchs.

Number three stated I was pointing out alot of nit picky things – I mentioned earlier that alot fo these were small things, things that eventually broke me and caused me to cut off all communication with her. I don’t deny some of hte things were small, but it is also the small things that shape us. The big things we overcome; my mother didn’t beat me, she was the person that cared about herself first and her children second.

Number four stated that I magnify the issues and focus them on myself. I was the whipping boy, after me it the third in line, then the fourth (my brother second in line didn’t get the whipping boy treatment), now it’s my sister that’s fifth in line. I can say what I felt was slights to me and things that I have a right to complain about. If one day my siblings decide to tell their own stories alot of similarities will line up, since this is what they tell me “off the record”. Eventually maybe I’ll get some of them to talk about their own experiences more.

I’m also however not going to deny that I’m writing about the things she did that annoyed me or set me off. These feelings will seem stronger to me then outside forces. Some of it is truly petty, but I needed material to write and I did leave some bigger things off the record for the moment, writing this piece reminded me of the doctor’s issue I mentioned. I’m not saying I’m done with this series, but for the moment I’m done writing about it. I may do some more pieces in the future, but it will be about the larger things she did when I have the time, energy, and motivation to write about them.

If your interested here are the links to the stories so far:

Today Is My 10th Wedding Anniversary

Creeva — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:25:33 +0000

I think I knew from our first date that my wife was going to be the one I was going to marry. Granted I literally broke up with my ex the day before I asked her out, but it all worked out. Though I was twenty -one and she was eighteen it was the first real date either of us had been on. We had started “going out” with people before, but it was always meeting and doing things in social situations then you labeled as a couple and doing things was just being together and not really a date. I did ask one girl out on a date previously, but it turned into a double date, so this was my first real date.

It was in September of 1997 and I managed to get off work early and get a hair cut, then I went out to one of our customers and bought her a bouquet of roses. We went to Chi-Chi’s in Lorain, Ohio driving there in my 1986 Ford Escort. I ordered a mexican pizza which they burned and she had me send back, and I believe she ordered the chimichanga’s . We talked about going to the movies afterward and decided on Conspiracy Theory. Walking to the car I asked her if I was the type of guy she could fall in love with (me=geek, not the best social skills). She said maybe. I asked her if I was the type of guy she could see herself marrying, she said she didn’t know. We then drove over to the movie and had a wonderful time.

A few days later she was having problems with her parents, she was at a cross roads and all upset. She was sitting on the front stoop of her friends house and that was the first time I ever told her I loved her. She cried in my arms (not from me saying that, but because of the other stress) and said it back to me. Three months later we were engaged. Thirteen months later on Jan 2, 1999 we got married. From that first date until about 2004 when she went back to Ohio to visit family while I was stuck working in Oregon, we never spent more then 24 hours away from one another, over 2600 days of seeing each other at least once every day.

I’m not going to saying everything has always been fantastic, we’ve had our ups and downs. We have managed to stay together and stay in love. I love her more each day, and now she is going to be the mother of my child (last year we did say we would do something special for our 10th). We are opposites, but we are also twins, we are stronger together then we are apart. We are both critical thinkers, yet I’m the only one that thinks she is the better of the two of us – so sometimes she is wrong.

She is the core of my being and the center of my universe, even though I don’t always show it. Her thoughts and dreams revolve around mine, like mine do around her. She is my wife, and I love her.

Merry Christmas

Creeva — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 06:08:35 +0000

From my family to yours – have a Merry Christmas.

Money Isn’t Everything

Creeva — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 15:49:50 +0000

Picture from here

Money isn’t everything. We treat it like is though. Some people can’t understand when I say I don’t necessarily want more though. I of course do want more money, but at the same time I don’t. What I truly want is more freedom, more time, and more enjoyment from what I do.

I’ve had a couple jobs that I enjoyed more then anything else. The first was working at a small PC shop. It was my first break into the IT industry, in which I’ve done well climbing the ladder. I interacted with people, I was a problem solver. I was one of hte go to people that could fix almost anything. I’m the type of guy that you throw problems at and I’ll swat them away like annoying insects. It was my forte, the only thing I was really lacking at the time was high end networking. I could make computers talk, but as I learned in my next favorite job I truly knew nothing.

The next job I can say now that I truly loved was working at Symantec’s enterprise firewall support call center. Like the small PC shop after a year or so I came into my own and had my own groove. After three years being on the team I had closed more tickets then anyone else in level one and level two support (I left being the team lead). I also held the record for the most calls handled in one day. The irony about having the most tickets closed is that 30-40% of the time I didn’t even open a ticket for the call. Our call center software was so slow that it took 5-7 minutes to actually open and write up a ticket. I made a deal with my managers (I’m sure some higher ups wouldn’t be happy) – that if I could handle the call in under five minutes and be almost positive that they wouldn’t be calling in on the same issue that I could just skip the ticket process. So for volume, by the time I left I handled far above and beyond what everyone else had ever handled. Symantec has since dicontinued the product, it lasted about another year and half after I migrated into consulting that it went kaput. I wonder if anyone caught up to me in the call record or number of handled cases before it was gone.

This isn’t about bragging rights, I’m sure it sounds like it though. What did both of these jobs have in common though? They were both hectic chicken running with it’s head cut off problem squashing affairs. I work best where I have a new issue every fifteen minutes or a nagging issue that would keep me up at night trying to solve. As you move up the ladder you loose that. You are working on long and engaging projects where the problem takes five minutes to engineer, yet in turn takes six months to implement. I’m still good at what I do, but it’s not exactly the best fit for my skill set. This in turn leads me into a spiral or more money versus more enjoyment.

Me and my Grandfather (Not a Recent Picture)

I had a conversation with my grandfather a few weeks ago, he told me how lucky it was that I had a job in today’s economy (I am), and that it would be difficult to move up in the area I lived. I started to explain to him that I could more then likely finding a better paying job, but it may not be as stable in the long term as my current one. I also said for the right job I would work for less then I currently do. Somehow in his mind that didn’t compute. In an abstraction of what he said, essentially he thought climbing the ladder should be what is important. I told him with the right job, I would take a 20% pay reduction. Granted that wasn’t my end goal, but for the right job in the right environment I would take my family down to the bare level where we could maintain everything. Why? I would be happier.

We are taught early that you need to learn so you can better then”random example”. So you can go to college and maintain that edge and not be a janitor. So you can get the huge house and be better then your neighbors. If you neighbor buys a Lexus you are taught that you should buy a BMW. It’s a mad dash to prove that your better then everyone else. To prove that capitalism runs the world. If we are not working to that we are either considered un-American, stupid, or lazy. Granted I am a bit lazy, but I can work. I was born July 4, 1976 so I don’t consider myself un-American (I’m a Constitutionalist). I’m not stupid either.

I think this mindset first hit my family when I wanted to go to college for music performance and creative writing. They always said I wouldn’t make any money with that. I was seventeen and brave enough to say that if I was happy I could be living on a street corner in a box as long I was writing and playing music. They never understood that. If I didn’t have my wife, and a love for electronics (I didn’t have that love back then), I could probably still do it. My life hasn’t greatly changed at the core in the last decade though when I was first with my wife. We live essentially the same way, we have a few nicer things, a house, a car payment – but our basic lives are still the same. I’d say the greatest difference is that we can not stand hamburger helper anymore. I still eat the occasional cheap ass boil it ramen, and she enjoys Kraft Macaroni and Cheese still.

Too many people in this world work for money. Money is needed to survive (I have a friend that would argue that), but at the same time it shouldn’t be your singular goal. When I was younger I had a certain goal financially I wanted to make, I did through different means. I’m not at that level right now (I have no stock options to sell anymore), but it didn’t make it me any happier. These days I write more, I play in two bands, I’m learning new instruments, and I have a baby that should arrive in the next couple months. I’m juggling the things that make me happy with work, what if I could be blissful with my job too? Some days I hate my job, most the time I’m just meh. If I could get the hair pulling problem solving hectic life going again it would be great (must be my undiagnosed ADD). If I could do it at the same pay level or better, that would be awesome.

I really need to get some more recent pictures of myself

Where Were You When Moments – My Answers

Creeva — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:21:43 +0000

Picture from here

Yesterday on the radio they were ranking which was the most important moments in history in which you can remember what you were doing. I found the link to the quiz they were using, which was originally put up by Slate. While I do rememebr some of the events, others seem to go by without notice. I wanted to comment on the moments that happened within my lifetime. At least it will give my future son an idea of what I thought about the events that we consider important in history. This list is not in order of importance, it’s just the descending order in the slate list.

Berlin Wall comes tumbling down – I can’t say I truly remember the actual day the Berlin Wall fell down. It was a vague thing, something that was expected for awhile that was built up over time. I could be wrong on that. The one thing I thought was kind of cool about this was the fact that at Higbee’s you could purchase pieces of the Berlin Wall in a sack. These days that type of action would make me immensely sad, it’s a sign of America’s need to profit off of an event. In retrospect how did we know that they were pieces of the actual wall?

Mount St. Helen s Erupts – Though I was four I remember this. I also remember President Carter on TV so I have a good young memory. This was a scary thing to me. I think I had this thought that volcano’s didn’t exist any more, that they were something that was from the time of dinosaurs. That it could happen in real life was very scary to me. I’m sure I watched this at my grandmother’s house on her floor model console TV.

Katrina Hits New Orleans – For Hurrican Katrina Xie and I were at home, we were playing SWG and attempting to get a hold of our friend that lived in New Orleans. We managed a day or so later to get a hold of him and post a picture of his house. It was scary knowing someone that was going through the disaster. We almost went down to help but didn’t. The evacuations and such were keeping people at bay we didn’t know when to go or what to do. We both wish we had gone, but that time has now passed. We are left with what we did do.

O.J. Simpson Verdict – I was working at Beaver Park Marina that year. We watched portions of the trial during our breaks in the “cafeteria” area. I’m still not sure to this day why this trial was such a big event. I understand the outcome and fears of racial violence from the verdict. What I don’t understand is all the media hype and the 24×7 news coverage of this trial.

Miracle On Ice – Ok this happened while I was alive, but I remember nothing about it.

Oklahoma City Bombing – America had lived through attacks previous to this one. There was a few attack on the World Trade center, and it was thought this was done by foreign nationals. To this day this is one of the events I point to when people point on the war on terrorism that takes place on foreign soil. One of the largest attacks on our own soil happened by one of our own citizens.

John Lennon Shot – This is another one of those where I was alive, but I don’t remember it.

Elvis Presley Dies at 42 – I definitely don’t remember this one since I was only one year old.

San Francisco World Series Earthquake – If I had followed sports ever in my life I think I would have paid more attention to this. I do remember the earthquake and wondered if California was going to fall into the Ocean. If this was the proverbial big one. I’m influenced in that thinking because of Superman II.

Princess Diana Dies – I remember this. I also wsan’t sure what the big deal was. I know one of my uncles cried because of this. To many people Diana was the last true royalty. This was probably because she was the modern storybook princess.

Three Mile Island Nuclear Accident – Once again, I was too young and do not remember this one.

Reagan Shot – We heard about this when I was at school. Since it was a private christian school we all had a prayer session for the president. Reagan was like a god to me back then, the invulnerable most powerful man. This re-affirmed that when he survived, but I was on shaky ground at first. I was young and scared for the life of our president. To this day I still personally think he was one of four greatest presidents of the last one hundred years.

Shuttle Challenger Explodes – I was in school again when this happened. It was a big media event with the first school teacher going up with the shuttle. This was the event that shocked the nation. We got out of school early that day and I do remember being upset. For what seemed to be weeks they showed that footage on the news.

JFK Jr. Dies in a Plane Crash – I’m not sure why this made the list. I remember it, and I was sad in the abstract, but it didn’t really pull at my heart strings. Around the same time I remember John Denver dying – I think the guy that who sang with Kermit the frog being gone affected me more.

Shuttle Columbia Disintegrates on Re-entry – I woke up early that day and was watching TV in the family room in the Oregon house. I was shocked and hurt when I saw this. I started crying. I thought this was the worst disaster that I had witnessed since it would hurt human’s getting back to the stars which I felt was our future. I woke up Xie and told her, she didn’t understand why I was upset. I just was. This event truly affected me.

9/11 Attacks – I was driving to work at Symantec on the beltway and a radio announcer talked about plane hitting the trade center. I’m not sure if the second plane had hit or not at that point. I thought it was some weird joke by the disc jockey’s. It turned out it wasn’t. When I arrived at work ewe were told that if it was too much for us, then we could return home (paid). I went on with my day following events online. I called Griffaw and Xie at home to turn on the TV at home to see what was happening. We kept in contact through out the day via IM. Griffaw didn’t move form that TV for four days watching everything as it unfolded. I’ll leave my own political comments about this time out of this post.

Asian Tsunami – We didn’t watch a lot of news at this time. I was aware of the event and read about it online, but it wasn’t an in your face major thing for me.

Dale Earnhardt Dies at Daytona – Really? I don’t know why this made the list. I don’t know where I was or even if I cared at all. I don’t follow NASCAR so someone dying in a car crash is a risk that I was aware that drivers took.

There is one more I would like to do that isn’t on that list:

Kurt Cobain’s Death – I didn’t watch MTV so I wasn’t immediately informed of Kurt Cobain’s death. At this time period I didn’t even like Nirvana’s music (they are one of my favorites now). I was one of those kids the next day mocking the other kids that were crying. I understand this now though. Some people may disagree but in a way Cobain was a Lennon for our generation. A voice that spoke out and said what we were feeling. Someone who we could identify with. I have never had a living musician that I felt that way about, but I understand why everyone else was upset. Wisdom is granted with age.

If you don’t see all the video links make sure you view this a creeva.com.

A Month With Mom – Part 20 – I Want It, So You Can’t Have It

Creeva — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:30:37 +0000

My sister’s email I published yesterday has my stories out of whack now. I was originally going to relate the story of my mother and the cedar chest, but I already did that. If you missed it, here it is:

I will now give you an example I have full memory and first hand knowledge of. It was at a family holiday dinner a few years ago at my grandparents and somehow the morbid subject of what we would like if my grandparents passed on. I stated I would only want one thing, a cedar chest crafted by my grandmother’s cousin. My grandmother chimed in that it was going to be given to her cousins family, well my grandmother has been saying that my whole life, so for thirty years it’s still been sitting there. My mother then said I couldn’t have it because she wanted it. Selfish? Well let’s continue this story.
A few minutes later my mother asked me why I wanted the chest because she thought it was ugly and tacky. I said it was something that would always remind me of my grandparents, their house, and the memories. To me the chest is kind of like a symbol of my grandparents. This prompted me though to ask why did she want it if it was ugly? Her answer? She said she wanted it because I said I wanted it. So I was shocked and called her selfish, I think that was my annual fight that year and I left. It was petty, you would think as adamant as she was when she said she wanted it, that somehow I knew there was a secret stash of money tucked away in it. Nope, she is just worried about someone else getting something she can’t. What a great mother.

I’ll get re-organized through my drafts and getting something new up tomorrow. Even writing about her is aggravating and putting me all out of sorts.

A Month With Mom – Part 18 – My Mother Issues

Creeva — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:29:47 +0000

Day late…

If you haven’t caught on to this series yet I have mother issues. Because I have my mother issues I need to sit down and logically recognize what they actually do to me. Things my mother has made me.

Growing up I was extremely self conscious of everything, how I looked, who had what, etc… What has happened as an adult is that I just don’t care. I don’t care what you have. I want what I want for my own reasons. As I’m getting older I can care less what society thinks about me, so essentially I’ve become the polar opposite of my mother. Though Xie will tell me that isn’t always the case.

Because of growing up in my household I learned to thrive in chaos. This is great in some of things I do since I can make order out of chaos (well at the same time creating more chaos around the thing I made in order). Unfortunately for those around me this isn’t always a conducive environment for those that deal with me.

I get my anger from my father, and I’ve spent many years getting that in check and controlling. It’s something I have to deal with. I have learned however people like my mother are the ones that are most likely to set me off at a moments notice. This is why I didn’t marry a girl like dear old mom. My father after the divorce seems to have his anger issues in check, can we say common denominator?

I base(d) alot of what I know about relationships from my parents and their interaction. When things aren’t going well in my own relationships I’m completely oblivious since things aren’t explosive like my parent’s relationship was. While our child isn’t born yet we don’t know truly who the enabler and the disciplinarian will be. I’m pegged for the enabler, and that’s not necessary a good thing. If I get that from anyone it’s going to be my mother. I just need to make sure my son doesn’t become a spoiled brat.

Frustration at stupidity. The exasperation I get over comments that are idiotic, that comes completely from my mother. I have mentioned her belief that ninja humanoid turtles were possible. I used to do all of her proof reading for her college homework when I was in high school, and I was responsible for the rewrites. When I was about fourteen she said she was smarter then me. What she may have meant to said was wiser, though I don’t think that was the case, since if she was wiser or smarter she would have said the word wiser. Also for anyone wishing to defend her on that one, she still says she is smarter (Oprah must have told her she was). I have a standing offer to pay for an IQ test so we can settle this once and for all, if she is write (highly unlikely) I may just kill myself since it will be proof that intelligence means nothing. On a side note recently I was just talking about sitting for the Mensa exam. I don’t know if I’m Mensa smart, I may not be, but I’m confident enough to actually sit for the test.

The last thing is I get insane over little requests people ask of me. I better be in the right frame of mind because I can go ballistic if it’s something they can do for themselves. I’ll give you the story I use to describe this whenever I talk to someone about her. When I was in high school I told my mother I was going to be taking a bath (yes I’m a boy and I like baths get over it). She acknowledged me and said she was going ot cook dinner. At this point everything is fine and dandy. About 10 minutes later I’m in the middle of reading a book and my mother starts screamiming my name. Now this isn’t a your in trouble name scream, nor was it a where are you at name scream. What it sounded like was the “OMG THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE” scream. I threw on a towel and rush down the stairs.

Well the emergency? My mother needed a wash cloth to do dishes . Her answer about me being in the bath? “I forgot”. In ten minutes she forgot what she had been told and acknowledged (and I’m sure she heard the bath water run) and put all of that aside for her immediate need of a wash cloth. To make matters worse, she thought I was down in my room. Now our family was a plit level. The kitchen on the main floor, the bathroom on the second floor, and my bedroom on the lower floor. In theory give or take ten feet I would have had to expend the same amount of energy to come from my room or the bathroom to come to the kitchen. She would have expended half the energy (minus the energy to start yelling) to go down to the second floor and get it herself. It was absolute pure laziness. I pointed it out to her, and she didn’t care. She wasn’t old or invalid, she was healthy and approxiamately the same age as I am now. The worst part, I was dripping wet, freezing, and I still had to get the washcloth.

I was a sucker and should have said no, but I was a mama’s boy. That story though is an example of many many things that are quite similar. Because of her necessity or decorating the house for the holidays, I now loath decorating for the holidays/ I have never had a christmas tree in my house, that may change next year with the kid on the way. Compared to my mother’s house and her record breaking three christmas trees she did one year, my house will be quite sparse.

My mother likes to tell people how things are to be decorated and have everyone else do the work. After the divorce I became the man of the house. I learned to loath the holidays. When your mother is healthy you shouldn’t be fifteen and being Santa Claus setting up the tree late at night for your siblings, but yet I was. I love the holidays, I just hat emy mothers version of them. These days though i’m preferring Halloween over Christmas, black and gory for the win.

Ok I’m stopping now otherwise this will become the post that will never end.

Star Wars Galaxies Forum Interview

Creeva — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:32:57 +0000

Recently I did a forum interview on the swg forums (thread is located here), I didn’t re-subscribe, I just visited the forums during SWG’s free month back special. Here is the text of that interview:

-Forum Related-

Forum Name:

Brentgueth aka “Creeva”

Any particular reason or meaning behind your Forum Name?

I’ll let everyone figure out the obvious.

Is there any particular board on the Forums that you like/hate? Why?
The Intrepid board. Some people don’t realize that there is a lot of history here and back in the day it was quite fast moving. By the time you answered a post there would fifty new posts. It kept me active and made me a part of the community

Beyond that I hung out in the entertainer forum a lot since I believe the entertainer class is part of qhat makes SWG unique and special. I’m rabidly anti-afk it was SOE’s stance in not patrolling or punishing for AFK that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

Any particular forum topic that you are fond of?

Anything community related or inspired. The community is what made SWG and Intrepid great. If it wasn’t for the community we had the game wouldn’t have lasted past six months.

Favorite threads?

Intrepid Has a No Grind……
Clarks House…… <—I remember this thread too, Hilarious.

Any Forum personalities that catch your fancy? (Person who’s posts make you laugh or like to read)

In no real order:

Corndog
Keltrien
Padre
Qitu
Darthtuefel
Irasha
Shikazi

-Character Related-

Main Character you play:

Creeva Murkado – Twi’lek for the win – Lekkus Until Death

Any backstory to their name?

to the name – no it was something I made up in 10 seconds and went with. On the front side though, creeva has become my avatar name for almost every online service I use. Because of Intrepid I’m extremely attached to that name – I even own creeva.com.

What profession are they? Any particular reason why you chose that profession?

Entertainer for life. I respecced to other professions only to get the badges. Beyond that I’m a full time entertainer. During CU I briefly tried BH and pre-nge I was 90% of the time master entertainer/master musician/master rifleman.

I originally started a character on Gorath – his name was Jonathan Lysak (sp?) – the third day after launch Gorath was down and Xie ‘lanthia and I wanted to play. I said you know what would be funny – let’s make entertainers – that should be good for a laugh. We randomly chose Intrepid because that server was up. The rest is history.

Sometimes fate just happens to put in a place and position that surprises you and is the perfect fit.

Any interesting Chapters to you Characters life?(Marriage, Kids, War Hero, Galatic Senator, Winner of the Intergalatic Pie Eating Contest)

Grrrr. This is a hard one – but let’s hit the highlights

Starting Planet – Talus
Moved to Tyrena – Where My Heart Will Always
Member of Star Dragon Entertainment – Intrepid’s First Entertainer Troupe
Winner with the Def Stars In the First Intrepid Jam Bonanaza
Performed at every Groovefest (I think) – worked and helped Xie organize entertainers for the first one (She did most the work)
Founding Mayor of Symphonia
Founding Member of DEF
Founding Member of STARS
Founding Member of IPS
Fighter for entertainer rights
Helped organize and participated in the Intrepid Anti-Decay Protest
Helped Enchi-Lada rename a house Clark’s House and caused mass confusion
Was at Moya’s Wedding
Started the Museum Movement
Founded the first somewhat comprhensive Museum – my buildings were the second museum on the server (though I announced first and they built theirs before I completed gathering things)
The first Intrepid funeral for a character was in my name
Founding Mayor of Pirates Retreat
Ran SNN – The Stars News Network – when INN was no more
Did behind the music columns on the forums for retired musicians
Maintainer of the Intrepid History Project at starsofintrepid.com (it’s a wiki go update your entry)

um…is that enough

That’ll Do Creeva, That’ll Do.

Roleplayer?

Roleplaying Light thank you

Are you in a guild? If so which one and why?

Currently? Well I think I am still in STARS

In the past – I helped found DEF to be Intrepid’s first and only Entertainer Guild. I did the same with STARS (it didn’t have the staying power – or rather Xie and I didn’t have the staying power to work at it) – I was also briefly in NWO.

How many years have you played SWG? Taken any extended breaks from the game?

I started at launch – I’ve taken extended breaks here and there – I theory I’m still on extended break. I will come back officially when it’s Intrepid’s final month as a server and play in the Tyrena the final day until the servers go black. I don’t care if that’s in 2 months or 20 years, I will do my best to keep that word.

Over the time you played SWG what is your favorite memory?

That’s not fair – I guess if I had to pick – winning the first Intrepid Jam Bonanaza by being the first entertainer group to actually use lyrics instead of just playing flourishes.

Though the people, hanging out, being at home – that’s what makes Intrepid great and that’s what I remember the most.

What is the funniest/most embarrassing moment you’ve had in the game?

Arguing with Moya’ over toilet placement in the galaxy. <—First Crafted Toilet on Intrepid if I remember correctly.

-Other People-

Favorite person you’ve played with over your characters lifespan?

Xie ‘lanthia

What you would say to them if they were in game and the server was getting it’s plug pulled tomorrow?

e-mail me – you can get the email address from creeva.com or use the contact me form there – I would give you my e-mail address to post – but for some reason SOE doesn’t like that and messages get deleted that way.

Favorite Guild or Group of people you’ve played with?

DEF and STARS

If you participate in the GCW what player would you call your most Respected Nemesis?

AFKers – there is always a war on them. I miss when I could break AFK macros by stealing their nalargon or omnibox.

-The Game Itself-

Favorite Iteration of the game? (NGE, CU, Pre-CU) And Why?

Pre-Cu – the possibility and purity of hte game – instead of hte watered down version

Favorite Pet/Droid? Why?

The AFK bunny – he dances AFK for credits – though I tell everyone to make sure not to tip me.

Favorite Weapon or Armor you’ve had? Why?

Davinci “Widow Maker” Laser Rifle – When it was created it was the post powerful rifle ever made on the server (my character still has it) – and an entertainer owned it

Favorite Profession in the game? (Past or Present)

Entertainer

Your preferred GUI color palette and Keymap?

Imperial – and custom keymap to be pre-nge controls

Favorite Emote of all time?

Don’t know – I /waved a lot though

Favorite in game Location/Planet? (Lake Retreat/Naboo etc.)

My original musuems in Symphonia

Favorite Server?

Intrepid

What keeps you logging in to SWG through the good and the bad? If you no longer log into the game what things do you remember that kept you playing?

The People

-The Player-

Any SW related collectibles that you are proud of?

I have some toys – but I won’t stand on the fact that there is anything I’m proud of – I do own the PS1 game Masters of The Tera Kasi still sealed.

Favorite Movie/SW book?

A New Hope

Favorite Food/Snack?

Pizza

What hobbies do you have outside of SWG?

Blogging (creeva.com) – I’m right now working on a novel for national novel writing month, I perform in two community bands playing trumpet, and video game collecting.

Your Country/Hometown?

Ohio

What is the one thing to see if we come to your Hometown?

a normal ohio small town

Any of your family members or relatives remind you of a particular SW character?

My wife distinctly reminds me of Xie ‘lanthia

And most importantly if SWG player showed up at your door because they were stranded in your hometown you would:

I’d keep them for the night. The only player that I didn’t work with at one point (Wong-Fei-Hung and Astrolite) that I’ve met was Moya’ I took her and her husband to dinner once.

A Month With Mom – Part 16 – Dealing With The Ex

Creeva — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:29:02 +0000

Sorry – this one is a couple days late.

My parents don’t get along. I mean really don’t get along at all. I’m not sure I can stress this enough. My father always seemed to be doing what he did in the best interest of the children. My mother on the other hand was in a money grab and used leverage. This was nothing out of the norm from before the divorce however.

From about age seven until age fifteen, I was keenly aware that my parents did not have a good marriage. I remember telling my friends that my parents were going through a divorce. Ironically, they managed to keep going and going (along the way they also had two more kids). My parents were a mismatch from the beginning, and if I had not entered the picture they might not have gotten together. They did and now for some historical information.

My father attempted to be the disciplinary or the family, my mother was the enabler. She was very very much the enabler. If my father tried to set something down (this is looking back mind you), my mother would take a position just to be the opposite of him. Of course if my mother wanted to agree with him, I could just bring out that everyone was doing something, this would normally allow me to gain her consent.

Now some of this I remember and some of this is stories passed down, I’m going to try to remove the bias and just give you some examples:

When we were living in Elyria, we didn’t make a ton of money. Sometimes we were scraping by month to month. It something that happens to a lot of families, and even as an adult I still find myself doing that most the time. One month we had twenty dollars left in the bank account. My father was counting on this money to provide lunch meat for himself for work. My mother on the other side had other plans. Knowing full well how much money was in the bank she went out and bought wash clothes, effectively draining the bank account.

My mother was never happy with what she had. My father was constantly remodeling to her tastes. He learned a lot of things about working on a house, so I guess you could say that’s a good thing. I however remember the house always being in the state of flux as some project or another was constantly being performed. Of course now as an adult I leverage my father for knowledge he gained from that experience, but my wife can’t live in that sort of atmosphere. So that tidbit is something to take for taste.

During the early nineties my mother decided she wanted her own money. That’s a good thing. She decided she was going ot make dolls and enlisted my father and my grandmother on her venture. She made enough to purchase a living room set after hours and hours of labor and sewing on all three of them. I remember I did quite a bit of stuffing myself, but I don’t believe I did much else. Now you would think that this is a good example of the family working together. However, my mother didn’t seem to understand the concept of “cost of manufacturing”. She believed that the whole thing was pure profit and just poo poo’ed all the money that it cost to create the dolls before sales. Thinking back I hope my father set the profit margin, since my mom would have probably sold them for a loss and then went “Golly, look at all the money I have from sales”.

Before moving on to the post divorce era I’m going to relate one last story. There was a movie I wanted to see (I was 15) – it was “People Under the Stairs” and I wanted ot go with a friend. My father said no, it was an R rated movie and he didn’t want me to go. My mother snuck money to me and dropped me off to see the movie. She was in full enabler mode. Later when my father found out the fight between them was explosive, don’t mix two volatile chemicals together. I have my own father issues I may write about another time, but this month is about mom.

After the divorce my father and I didn’t talk for a few years. We talked lightly after awhile, but it didn’t start getting regular until I was traveling for consulting. This led to a whole new ball game in dealing with them. I didn’t want to accidently pass information from one side to another, but at the same time I had to make my feelings known. I would get my fahter to talk about things my mother had told me – indirectly inquiring. I also did the same thing on the reverse.

The problem is I normally sided with my father’s point of view. I was this go between, trying to maintain peace on each side of the family. When I first moved into my house i was in the middle of everyone, so my house was going to be the holiday get together place. A Switzerland where neither side could fight. Well that didn’t last long before i stopped talking ot my mother.

The most interesting thing was the Thanksgiving when we first moved back to Ohio. On my father’s side all of his siblings still get together the weekend after Thanksgiving to have a family meal. My brother lives next door to my father. My mother was staying at my Brother’s house that day……

Somehow, in some wierd mix up of the galaxy, my mother invited herself over to my father’s house. (I’ve mentioned that they do not get along at all). Her excuse was to see all of my aunt’s and uncles who could care less about her. The rest of the family completely agrees that she was there only to see the house and see how my father was doing. I don’t know how she managed ot get the nerve, but I wouldn’t enter the den of a place where I know I’m not wanted.

But maybe she just wanted to see if my father’s curtains made her look fat……..

A Month With Mom – Part 15 – If You Have It I’m Entitled Also

Creeva — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 16:28:03 +0000

At one point in this whole debacle where I stopped talking to my mom, Xie thought she would try to mend things. She dropped me off at burger king to eat and went over to my mothers to talk (this is all second hand mind compared to most things I’ve written). Xie sat her down and told her she was going to push her children away one by one if she continued down the path she was going. That my mother had to pick herself up, get a job and move forward being an example (I’m sure Xie will comment on this story to fill in more details).

The selfish thing my mom said to my wife? “You don’t have to have a job why should I?”

Now because this is second hand I normally wouldn’t have included this, but I wanted to point out Xie’s effort. This wasn’t the first time my mother had said this. There are a lot of answers to this.

1. Xie has a supportive husband that hadn’t left her once and possibly will again
2. Xie spends her free time learning and expanding herself – my mothers expansion comes from Oprah and Dr. Phil
3. Xie doesn’t have two children at home not even teenagers yet that need to eat and hopes daddy will give mommy child support money
4. Xie isn’t a leech that feels entitled to it, she has offered to work many times, I don’t understand why both of us need to be miserable for a few extra bucks

While my mother is grazing the home shopping network for things to buy, Xie is doing Algebra out of text books for fun. There is a world of difference. Most notably my mother needed an income she could trust to take care of her kids and not ask friends and family for money to get by.

I will now give you an example I have full memory and first hand knowledge of. It was at a family holiday dinner a few years ago at my grandparents and somehow the morbid subject of what we would like if my grandparents passed on. I stated I would only want one thing, a cedar chest crafted by my grandmother’s cousin. My grandmother chimed in that it was going to be given to her cousins family, well my grandmother has been saying that my whole life, so for thirty years it’s still been sitting there. My mother then said I couldn’t have it because she wanted it. Selfish? Well let’s continue this story.

A few minutes later my mother asked me why I wanted the chest because she thought it was ugly and tacky. I said it was something that would always remind me of my grandparents, their house, and the memories. To me the chest is kind of like a symbol of my grandparents. This prompted me though to ask why did she want it if it was ugly? Her answer? She said she wanted it because I said I wanted it. So I was shocked and called her selfish, I think that was my annual fight that year and I left. It was petty, you would think as adamant as she was when she said she wanted it, that somehow I knew there was a secret stash of money tucked away in it. Nope, she is just worried about someone else getting something she can’t. What a great mother.

A Month With Mom – Part 14 – Father Issues

Creeva — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:28:06 +0000

My Mother, a grown woman now in her 50′s is still scared to death of her father. She will do anything to avoid getting a lecture from him, this includes just telling him what he wants to hear, regardless if she is sincere or not. My grandfather does have wisdom, but at the same time he doesn’t understand the world I live in, so I will challenge him, or tell me when he is wrong.

My mother on the other hand sometimes gets upset and will snap at him, but for the most part she cows down to him, or turns to my grandmother for support. I think in her mind, if she attempts to placate him the issues won’t be there, the fear she has, the feelings of inadequacy that she seems to show after dealing with him. She tells me I don’t understand. I do understand, my grandfather is one of the most intimidating people in the family. My siblings are still scared of him, we also all adore him. My wife thinks he is just like a big gruff teddy bear – I’m not sure I would go that far…

If my grandfather showed up at my mom’s house unexpected and she noticed him, well then she would attempt the ten second clean up as he walked to the front door. I know she loves her father, but she (at the time anyways) dreaded his visits because she knew she was going to get lectured.

Like I said I stand up to my grandfather, my grandfather once asked my mother why she doesn’t stand up to him like I do. Maybe it’s a challenge to help her grow. She has somethings she definitely needs to work before she is capable of not being that ten year old girl in his shadow any more.

A Month With Mom – Part 13 – Talking Behind The Back

Creeva — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:26:51 +0000

For some reason it’s a considered a cardinal sin in society to talk about people behind their backs. In my family however it’s an Olympic event. I’m not sure my mother would get the gold, but I’m sure she would at least get the silver.

When you live in a split family you get used to what you can tell one side or tell the other. The hard part however is not admitting you talked to the other side at all. Once my mother finds out she grilled me on what my father had to say, though I never really passed the information along that he gave me. In the reverse I never passed it along the other way either. I was not the hub of their game of telephone, nor was I going to start to be.

The whole issue that led up to us not speaking she still blames on my father. She thinks my father sent me on some fools errand that was not accurate. Ironically what my father told me was accurate by my mother’s own admittal. My father however didn’t prompt me to take action, what I wanted ot do to help my sister was for myself alone. It was me being a big brother.

The irony of this it seems what I hear through the family grapevine that my father seems to get more blame for me not talking to my mother then I do. Who would have thought. I obviously must be a puppet that can be controlled, that has no independent thought or feelings. I know some people are like that, not me though.

The whole problem is that it’s not just my mother. Like I said talking behind the back is an Olympic sport in these parts. Whenever I try to lay out what everyone is saying to everyone else, I’m the bad guy. I’m the bad guy because I lay it out on the line.

Well I guess this is why I’m blogging about it, I’m laying it out on the line.

A Month With Mom – Part 9 – Favoritism

Creeva — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 16:24:51 +0000

I don’t have my child yet, let alone more then one. I do however suspect parents have a favorite child. If not a direct favorite, at least a favorite to do certain things with. My parents were no different. I could pull out favoritism on my father’s side, but that doesn’t matter, when that was evident and apparent I didn’t like him very much. My mother on the other hand is what this piece is really about anyways.

My mother’s favorite child was either the trophy child or the youngest child. Sometimes they were the same child, other times they weren’t. I’m not going to say I was never the favorite child, I was quite a bit. i was the oldest child of her six, so being the first I’m sure she always had a bit of pride in me (of course now that this web series has ran….). But like most families the youngest child, the baby of the family, was always doted upon quite a bit. As far as i can remember I never minded, so that never bothered me.

The trophy child on the other hand was my brother immediately behind me. He was as spoiled as my youngest brother. He seems to have turned out just find, though a strong sibling rivalry is still there. Now I’m sure the question s why is he the trophy child. Well at one point he decided that he wanted to live with my father. This was all well and good and lasted a few months (year?). Until he started getting disciplined.

On a weekend visit to my mother, my brother just didn’t go back to my fathers. My father didn’t fight custody over the matter, if my brother wanted to live with my mother, so be it. The key is that my brother had hardly any rules placed upon him. He was the biggest wild child of all of us. That doesn’t make him a bad person, he seems to have turned out alright. I don’t care that I had more rules placed upon me, I’m the oldest, it’s my job to take the brunt of everything. I’m perfectly fine with that. Maybe that’s why I’m so accepting of life now.

My brother got away with this because back in my mother’s brain, if she didn’t indulge him, then she would loose him again to my father. My father and brother were very close when he was younger, this was my mother’s way to split a wedge in there. It took years for my brother to talk to my father again, a lot of this is because of the poisoning that my mother had done. He was her trophy over my father and she wasn’t going to let go of that. I’m sure he doesn’t look at it that way, or is even aware of it.

My sisters on the other hand got both the poisoning against my father (it didn’t take) and none of the perks. Even a decade after my brother had left the house, my sister (from the same father) had a much harder time and more rules placed on her then any of hte rest of us had. She was actively disciplined, yelled at, and talked down to. I’m sure my youngest brother won’t ever go through and be treated that way. He’ll be coddled and spoiled, and probably living with my mother until he’s thirty, or at least until he wises up.

In the end it works out though, my brother can do no wrong in my mothers eyes (heck she even drank with him underage). She has the same blinders towards him that her parents have towards her. He gives her love, he doesn’t question her, he doesn’t push her to be a better person. Since they view the world in similar ways and there is no tension between them, he has become her perfect child. During my mother’s latest separation my brother even told my father that she didn’t have to worry because we’d take care of her. I’m not sure where this “we” comes from. Never was I going to financially support my mother, even when we were getting along.

A Month With Mom – Part 8 – In Oregon

Creeva — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 18:33:22 +0000

While I lived in Oregon, a lot of my life was peaceful on the family front. I only spoke to my mother maybe a dozen times tops while I lived there. I didn’t have to deal with her drama on a weekly or daily basis. I was 2500 miles away and it was easy to avoid. Just don’t pick up the phone. That part is really easy for me, since I hardly notice the phone or pick it up naturally unless I’m on the clock and the phone could be work.

I either had to deal with family emergencies or the occasional holiday call. i didn’t talk to any of the family with regularity until I was traveling for work, at that point I was talking mostly with my father. Occasionally I would call and end up talking to one of my sisters. They would inform me me of what my mother was doing to them. Some of it was exageration, some of what was deserved, but some of it was not.

In the few occasions I thought my mother took it too far, I called my grandmother.and tried to get her to intercede on my sisters behalf. Sometimes she didn’t believe me, seeing how her daughter couldn’t do anything like that. Other times she said she had talked to her about it and couldn’t take it further. Neither of my grandparents are bad people. They both have my love and complete devotion. They are just in denial over what my mother actually does.

Neither of them are callous. They have both earned my respect. My grandmother once even told me that they have enabled my mother to be helpless and rely on other people. She also said it was a mistake and never intentional.

So while in Oregon life was good. The stress of family was at the lowest point ever, I didn’t worry about -I’m almost there again.