About a month ago I sped read through Orson Scott Card’s Novel Ender in Exile.  I was really looking forward to this book, but it wasn’t what I expected and not necessarily what I wanted.  I really wanted Ender and Bean to meet up again, yet that isn’t what happens.   This book effectively takes place immediately after the end of Ender’s Game.  The main problem I have with Card jumping all over the place is it becomes a pain to tell someone which order to the read the books.

I never truly finished my “Month With Mom Series“, I was working on the novel for NANOWRIMO, and then came back and ran out of steam to finish the blog article series.  It’s take me over a month, but I wanted to address a couple comments.  The first came from my youngest sister who still lives with my mother and step-father:

Ok well im just going to say what I feel . About the part 2 and part 3 , I feel she should of never ever took him back . He is not a father and doesnt act like one. He does not bother talking to us all the time except for my yonger brother usually. And is mean to the pets . I dont even like him living in the house . And seems like he doenst even try at all . But I still dont get what she see’s in him. When he was in Columbus it was better without him . But thats all im gonna say .

She seems to have some of the same feeling that I do on the issue, at least when it comes to how my mother dealt with my step-father during their separation and the reconciliation.    So this is similar feelings coming form someone that is thirty-two and someone that lives in that household and is thirteen.   This is also her father, it might be my step-father, but it is her father and this is the treatment she feels that she gets.  Don’t forget that I had another sister pipe in on her feelings.  My own father has read my series, but thought it would be best to not leave public comments, I guess in some ways he is a wise man.

This next comment was left by Groovymarlin who runs her own blog, but I knew through playing SWG with.  This comment was left on part 20 of the series (also the final part I finished).

I’ve been reading these all along and I have to say they’re fascinating, though maybe not for the reasons that you think. I’ll just summarize my thoughts so far:

1. Your mom is obviously a very shallow person. It also sounds like she was a little too selfish and self-centered to be a very good mom.

2. On the other hand, you were all fed, clothed, received medical care, etc., etc, growing up yes? My point being – she may not be a very good mom, but there are much WORSE moms.

3. A lot of your complaints about her sound pretty nit-picky to a third party. I’m sure that to you, just about everything she does is annoying and obnoxious and irritating. But to an outsider, a lot of the things she does sound like…things that middle-aged women do. However…

4. Your opinion and view of her has obviously been colored by the truly negative things she HAS done in the past, and therefore every one of her transgressions is magnified to you.

5. Your mom seems to have a bad habit of using people, but remember: people allow themselves to be used. Your grandparents in particular seem to have no problem allowing her to manipulate them. Is it right? No. Are they adults, and capable of deciding for themselves whether to allow this? Yes (at least as far as we know – if at some point due to age or health they become unable to make these decisions on their own, then there would be a real problem).

I think in general you’re handling the mom situation the right way, which is to just let her do her own thing, as long as it’s not hurting you or your own family. I feel pretty bad about some of the things she said about, to, and in front of your sister. That passive-aggressive shit is not cool, not from anyone, and especially not from a mother. But what can you do about that, other than give your sister your emotional support and help her do her own thing as well? Nothing.

People suck, don’t they?

Ever since I read this comment I thought it would be a good blog post on it’s own for a reply instead of loosing it in the noise of comments that no one would ever read, just like my sister’s comment above.  Though she says I’m handling this the right way and can see where I am coming from I wanted to address a couple of the points.

Point number two stated because we were clothed, fed,  and had medical care that she couldn’t have been a terrible mom, there are crack addict mothers that can do the same.   When I was 16 I had a job where I pulled a muscle in my chest.   It kept going for a few days where I didn’t tell anyone that I was having trouble breathing.   Everytime I took a deep breath it physically hurt ot breath.  Not to the point where I couldn’t breath, but to the point where I thought something was wrong with my heart since it was in that vincinity.  Like eveyr male I ignored it as long as possible and finally mentioned to my mother.

My mother thought I was making it up and yelled at me for making her take me to the doctor.   Stating she didn’t have the money for it (my parents were divorced by then).   I think my grandparents ending up paying for it.   It turned out I didn’t have heart problems like i was afraid, but a pulled chest muscle like I said.   I had been hyper-ventilating for days, which means taking breaths faster and more shallow then you normally would.  I hadn;t noticed since it seems we are taught when you are hyperventilating you are gasping for air.   I was proscribed codeine for the pain, every once in awhile to this day the problem will creep back for a week or two and I just deal with it since pain medication is the only thing they can proscribe.   My siblings have had similar doctor experiences where my mother only reluctantly took them after we plead the case to my grandparents since my mom thought it was some sort of attention plea.

I never asked for medical attention from my mother.   Besides getting teeth pulled for braces the last major medical thing tha tI had done was in elementary school when I got chronic ear aches.   So this wasn’t a case of my mother always dragging me ot the doctor and me haivng nothing wrong with me, it was serious to me, I was in tears fearing the worst about my condition and thinking it was my heart.

A similar issue goes with the getting fed thing, my mother has always chosen not work.  Because of this she happily took advantage of the free lunch program for the local schools.  I can’t say that my sibling are still on it, yet for two years of my high school I was.   It seemed to her better to get her kids free lunches then to get a job.    She has worked the welfare system so she could go on buying things from the home shopping network and Longaberger baskets, but send her children into the free lunch program.  that is selfish and naive, and if she had been cutting back on other things maybe I would have more sympathy and understanding.

So did she keep clothed, fed, and medical care – only when it suited her, she didn’t have pay, it didn’t effect other people’s appearance of her, or she was forced.   I still wonder what school officials thought about me wearing hundred dollar tennis shoes (since she wanted us to look our best) while getting free lunchs.

Number three stated I was pointing out alot of nit picky things – I mentioned earlier that alot fo these were small things, things that eventually broke me and caused me to cut off all communication with her.    I don’t deny some of hte things were small, but it is also the small things that shape us.   The big things we overcome; my mother didn’t beat me, she was the person that cared about herself first and her children second.

Number four stated that I magnify the issues and focus them on myself.   I was the whipping boy, after me it the third in line, then the fourth (my brother second in line didn’t get the whipping boy treatment), now it’s my sister that’s fifth in line.  I can say what I felt was slights to me and things that I have a right to complain about.   If one day my siblings decide to tell their own stories alot of similarities will line up, since this is what they tell me “off the record”.   Eventually maybe I’ll get some of them to talk about their own experiences more.

I’m also however not going to deny that I’m writing about the things she did that annoyed me or set me off.   These feelings will seem stronger to me then outside forces.    Some of it is truly petty, but I needed material to write and I did leave some bigger things off the record for the moment, writing this piece reminded me of the doctor’s issue I mentioned.    I’m not saying I’m done with this series, but for the moment I’m done writing about it.   I may do some more pieces in the future, but it will be about the larger things she did when I have the time, energy, and motivation to write about them.

If your interested here are the links to the stories so far:

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here

Read Part 7 Here

Read Part 8 Here

Read Part 9 Here

Read Part 10 Here

Read Part 11 here

Read Part 12 Here

Read Part 13 Here

Read Part 14 Here

Read Part 15 Here

Read Part 16 Here

Read Part 17 Here

Read Part 18 Here

Read Part 19 Here

Read Part 20 Here

This year was the third attempt I’ve made at the National Novel Writing month, and my third failure.  I am neither heartbroken nor discouraged.   I did write over 50,000 words in the last month, it was actually closer to 75,000 words.   It just wasn’t’ all towards the novel.  For that I did about 10k words.

It was not lack of ideas, I had enough to at least double what I put into it before I would sputter out.   It was two things, the lack of time and the lack of effort.  I whole heartedly take the blame for not finishing.  I also didn’t finish the series about my mother, though there was another reason for that (coming in one last mother post).

Thought I would gie everyone an update since the last month was a slow one for me and the blog.

Recently I did a forum interview on the swg forums (thread is located here), I didn’t re-subscribe, I just visited the forums during SWG’s free month back special.   Here is the text of that interview:

-Forum Related-

Forum Name:

Brentgueth aka “Creeva”

Any particular reason or meaning behind your Forum Name?

I’ll let everyone figure out the obvious.

Is there any particular board on the Forums that you like/hate? Why?
The Intrepid board. Some people don’t realize that there is a lot of history here and back in the day it was quite fast moving. By the time you answered a post there would fifty new posts. It kept me active and made me a part of the community

Beyond that I hung out in the entertainer forum a lot since I believe the entertainer class is part of qhat makes SWG unique and special. I’m rabidly anti-afk it was SOE’s stance in not patrolling or punishing for AFK that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

Any particular forum topic that you are fond of?

Anything community related or inspired.  The community is what made SWG and Intrepid great.  If it wasn’t for the community we had the game wouldn’t have lasted past six months.

Favorite threads?

Intrepid Has a No Grind……
Clarks House…… <—I remember this thread too, Hilarious.

Any Forum personalities that catch your fancy? (Person who’s posts make you laugh or like to read)

In no real order:

Corndog
Keltrien
Padre
Qitu
Darthtuefel
Irasha
Shikazi

-Character Related-

Main Character you play:

Creeva Murkado – Twi’lek for the win – Lekkus Until Death

Any backstory to their name?

to the name – no it was something I made up in 10 seconds and went with.  On the front side though, creeva has become my avatar name for almost every online service I use.  Because of Intrepid I’m extremely attached to that name – I even own creeva.com.

What profession are they? Any particular reason why you chose that profession?

Entertainer for life.  I respecced to other professions only to get the badges.  Beyond that I’m a full time entertainer.  During CU I briefly tried BH and pre-nge I was 90% of the time master entertainer/master musician/master rifleman.

I originally started a character on Gorath – his name was Jonathan Lysak (sp?) – the third day after launch Gorath was down and Xie ‘lanthia and I wanted to play.  I said you know what would be funny – let’s make entertainers – that should be good for a laugh.   We randomly chose Intrepid because that server was up.  The rest is history.

Sometimes fate just happens to put in a place and position that surprises you and is the perfect fit.

Any interesting Chapters to you Characters life?(Marriage, Kids, War Hero, Galatic Senator, Winner of the Intergalatic Pie Eating Contest)

Grrrr.  This is a hard one – but let’s hit the highlights

Starting Planet – Talus
Moved to Tyrena – Where My Heart Will Always
Member of Star Dragon Entertainment – Intrepid’s First Entertainer Troupe
Winner with the Def Stars In the First Intrepid Jam Bonanaza
Performed at every Groovefest (I think) – worked and helped Xie organize entertainers for the first one (She did most the work)
Founding Mayor of Symphonia
Founding Member of DEF
Founding Member of STARS
Founding Member of IPS
Fighter for entertainer rights
Helped organize and participated in the Intrepid Anti-Decay Protest
Helped Enchi-Lada rename a house Clark’s House and caused mass confusion
Was at Moya’s Wedding
Started the Museum Movement
Founded the first somewhat comprhensive Museum  – my buildings were the second museum on the server (though I announced first and they built theirs before I completed gathering things)
The first Intrepid funeral for a character was in my name
Founding Mayor of Pirates Retreat
Ran SNN – The Stars News Network – when INN was no more
Did behind the music columns on the forums for retired musicians
Maintainer of the Intrepid History Project at starsofintrepid.com (it’s a wiki go update your entry)

um…is that enough

That’ll Do Creeva, That’ll Do.

Roleplayer?

Roleplaying Light thank you

Are you in a guild? If so which one and why?

Currently?  Well I think I am still in STARS

In the past – I helped found DEF to be Intrepid’s first and only Entertainer Guild.   I did the same with STARS (it didn’t have the staying power – or rather Xie and I didn’t have the staying power to work at it) – I was also briefly in NWO.

How many years have you played SWG? Taken any extended breaks from the game?

I started at launch  – I’ve taken extended breaks here and there – I theory I’m still on extended break.   I will come back officially when it’s Intrepid’s final month as a server and play in the Tyrena the final day until the servers go black.  I don’t care if that’s in 2 months or 20 years, I will do my best to keep that word.

Over the time you played SWG what is your favorite memory?

That’s not fair – I guess if I had to pick – winning the first Intrepid Jam Bonanaza by being the first entertainer group to actually use lyrics instead of just playing flourishes.

Though the people, hanging out, being at home – that’s what makes Intrepid great and that’s what I remember the most.

What is the funniest/most embarrassing moment you’ve had in the game?

Arguing with Moya’ over toilet placement in the galaxy. <—First Crafted Toilet on Intrepid if I remember correctly.

-Other People-

Favorite person you’ve played with over your characters lifespan?

Xie ‘lanthia

What you would say to them if they were in game and the server was getting it’s plug pulled tomorrow?

e-mail me – you can get the email address from creeva.com or use the contact me form there – I would give you my e-mail address to post – but for some reason SOE doesn’t like that and messages get deleted that way.

Favorite Guild or Group of people you’ve played with?

DEF and STARS

If you participate in the GCW what player would you call your most Respected Nemesis?

AFKers – there is always a war on them.  I miss when I could break AFK macros by stealing their nalargon or omnibox.

-The Game Itself-

Favorite Iteration of the game? (NGE, CU, Pre-CU) And Why?

Pre-Cu – the possibility and purity of hte game – instead of hte watered down version

Favorite Pet/Droid? Why?

The AFK bunny – he dances AFK for credits – though I tell everyone to make sure not to tip me.

Favorite Weapon or Armor you’ve had? Why?

Davinci “Widow Maker” Laser Rifle – When it was created it was the post powerful rifle ever made on the server (my character still has it) – and an entertainer owned it

Favorite Profession in the game? (Past or Present)

Entertainer

Your preferred GUI color palette and Keymap?

Imperial – and custom keymap to be pre-nge controls

Favorite Emote of all time?

Don’t know – I /waved a lot though

Favorite in game Location/Planet? (Lake Retreat/Naboo etc.)

My original musuems in Symphonia

Favorite Server?

Intrepid

What keeps you logging in to SWG through the good and the bad? If you no longer log into the game what things do you remember that kept you playing?

The People

-The Player-

Any SW related collectibles that you are proud of?

I have some toys – but I won’t stand on the fact that there is anything I’m proud of – I do own the PS1 game Masters of The Tera Kasi still sealed.

Favorite Movie/SW book?

A New Hope

Favorite Food/Snack?

Pizza

What hobbies do you have outside of SWG?

Blogging (creeva.com) – I’m right now working on a novel for national novel writing month, I perform in two community bands playing trumpet, and video game collecting.

Your Country/Hometown?

Ohio

What is the one thing to see if we come to your Hometown?

a normal ohio small town

Any of your family members or relatives remind you of a particular SW character?

My wife distinctly reminds me of Xie ‘lanthia

And most importantly if SWG player showed up at your door because they were stranded in your hometown you would:

I’d keep them for the night.  The only player that I didn’t work with at one point (Wong-Fei-Hung and Astrolite) that I’ve met was Moya’ I took her and her husband to dinner once.

It seems November is just a bad month for me.   I had to change alot of things around to make it as far as I did.  But life happens.  I know that isn’t a true excuse since  there are plenty of other people just as busy as myself that will manage to finish their novels.   I hope to get back and finish this story, but I truly don’t believe I will have it done by the end of the month.   This will mark my third attempt and third failure.   I’ll keep hacking away, but I just don’t see it happening.

On a plus side, I have actualyl written more then 50k words this month within blog articles and other things.   Just haven’t been able ot concentrate it all on the novel.   Maybe next year.  I won’t give up trying, it just may take a few more tries.   I’ll keep you updated, I made it about 10k words in.   Here is to National Novel Writing Month and all those that do manage to complete their stories.

Well I managed to finish the first chapter of my novel today.   I managed to get  in 2113 words.   So far the writing is going to easy, but I think December is going to be an extremely heavy editing month for me.   I didn’t actually get a chance to get started until th late evening, I think I did end up making good progress on what I actually id have a chance to get done.

It’s been a few years since I’ve read Hacker Crackdown.   It was/is one of the best computer crime books I’ve ever read, Litte Brother is a close second.  Inside the book Sterling goes over the details of the biggest computer crime sting operations of all time.   I’m not going ot say everyone was guilty to the extent they were prosecuted, but some of the crimes that were prosecuted in this novel helped bring in the computer crime laws we have today (for better or worse).

The first time I read this was in 1995 on a 286 laptop with a 9600 baud modem.   I downloaded the book online, Sterling was one of the first mainstream authors to release his work for free online.  For someone at the time was reading Phrack and to have something that was professionally published (I’m not knocking Phrack – I loved Phrack)  was a completely different experience.

The book covers the history of computer crime before it jumps into the meat of the story.   Never does it really feel that the Sterling is pandering to you for anything, instead it teaches you.   For anyone interested in computer crime I would highly recommend picking this up.   So far I’ve worn through three copies myself.

Picture from here

National Novel Writing Month is once again almost upon us.   I’m hoping to “win” this year by actually finishing my first novel (now decades in the making).  I’ve been trying to pump out blog content to be published over the next month, some good, some bad and some “meh”.  But I’m planning for nanowrimo now and I was wondering, would it be possible (with enough caffeine) to sit down and write the 50,000 words in one session.   My first instinct is it wouldn’t be (for me), not that I’m going ot attempt it.

Though I looked over my past track record, I’ve knocked out 3000 word blog articles in an hour before (very very rare), why couldn’t I?  With enough caffeine I could see me doing it in under twenty hours.  I just wonder if anyone that is trying to finish is actually going ot attempt this.   I’m hopeful that the first night I will be able to break out and do 5000 words.   I only need to do 1667 words a day to finish the novel.

Heck this post is a little over 200 words, it took me just a few minutes to write.  If this was practice for my novel I would be already 1/8 the way there for the for the day.

All other NANOWRIMOers – I wish you the best of luck.   See you on the other side.

Two years of doing National Novel Writing Month and two years of failure for myself.  This year however it should be cake.  Chocolate cake, not white cake – I dislike white cake it’s like the step-father that no one likes of the cake world.   Now I’m sure one of the first things going through your mind is “How is this slack ass that hasn’t written an orginal article in two weeks going to write a novel”.   Well I’ve been busy what can I say?   I think I can do the novel this year.   It’s only 50k words and I can pop out 5k words in an hour when i put my mind to it.

However when I actually bother to write, I never want my blog(s) to suffer.  What I’m going to attempt ot do this weekend is future write for the whole month of October.  I’m hoping if I sit down and crunch through writing before November hits that most of my writing can be focused on that.   So between my different blogs that means doing about 100 articles in the next 7 days.   Can I do it?  I think I can.  I’ll throw in some slack ass reviews to get through a cheater post here or there.   None of us are super-human, and if I was actually getting paid to do this it would be something completely different.

I also have to start looking at adding a blog section to the VCMA web site.   It seems that we are to be featured in the Sunday edition of the Lorain Morning Journal.   I’m going ot have to get someone to snag me an extra paper of that.   So I thought it would be nice to have a regulary updated news section of the blog.   I’ve many times showed my distaste for doing static pages, a blog format would do wonders for releasing updates on a regular basis.  This reminds me though that I also need to get a new design theme for the VCMA website.