This post has multiple parts to it, so fair warning I’m guessing this one is going to be long.   Lately I’ve been more and more annoyed at traditional hard copy media.  It’s a pain in the butt to deal with and takes up way too much physical space (for those that know me you find that sentence greatly amusing).

Pictures

This started happening over the last year with photo albums.   Photo albums are terrible.   It means normally that one person has a copy of the image and you can’t share them.  It is essentially technology of the last generation.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer in having prints, but the pictures themselves.

I’ve made it my mission to start getting the family photos and scanning them in.   I’ve managed to get most of my father’s photos from the era he was with my mother.   The ones I’m missing are any he has of the kids hanging on the walls in his house.   My next run is going to be the pictures from his current family (so a good 15-16 years worth of pictures to go).

My grandmother on the other hand has been very tightfisted with her photos.  I can understand her being protective, but so far I’ve managed to get 59 photos out of her to scan (out of literally over a 1000-2000).   I have managed to scan my photo album, and more recently used the digital SLR and took pictures of my scrap book from high school.   So both of these can be tucked away in boxes that I don’t need to look at and take up physical space in my house.

All the photos I have are now uploaded to Flickr.   You can also read about my photo sharing issue with my mother over here.

Continued tomorrow in part 2

This is more a short confession then anything else.   I’m a creature set in my ways.  I can work inside the rules set before me, and I’m also capable of bending the rules of what is possible.    That being said I have had a hard time setting up and working with Xie on her blog.   It’s been an on going project for over a year now.

Sometimes things need tweaked outside of my ability.  Sometimes she wants things that are not possible, or there isn’t a plugin written for yet.   It’s frustrating for both of us.   We both have an ideal we are shooting for when setting this up.  I configure it for what I’ve learned is best overall use.   She wants to configure it for what works for her.  Neither of us however are very good at explaining our side it seems.

She is going through a complete overhaul of her blog, hopefully she will start actively using it.   I’ll help out where I can, but I think this time around I’m going to be taking a very hands off approach to the problem.  I’ll be willing to work on specific issues and feature sets, I’m just not going to do an overall architecture for her.  I think it’s better for our relationship that way.

Image from here

I know I just gave a post on using creative commons based works, and about the problems of dealing with international public domain laws, but Youtube has cracked down on me.   Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting e-mails from youtube that say the following:

Subject: A copyright owner has claimed content in one of your videos

Video Disabled

A copyright owner has claimed it owns some or all of the audio content in your video [redacted]. The audio content identified in your video is [redacted]. We regret to inform you that your video has been blocked from playback due to a music rights issue.

Replace Your Audio with AudioSwap

Don’t worry, we have plenty of music available for your use. Please visit our AudioSwap library to learn how you can easily replace the audio in your video with any track from our growing library of fully licensed songs.

Other Options

If you think there’s been a mistake, or you have other questions, please visit the Copyright Notice page in your account.

Sincerely,
The YouTube Content Identification Team

Now in theory I could fight this, but I know I am in the wrong.  I had videos on my profile that did include copyrighted music.   For the most part they are not videos that I created, I was merely archiving them in a central location so people could find them.   All the videos that have been taken down are Machinima videos that were “filmed” in Star Wars Galaxies.  I can’t really take them up on the music swap suggestion, since the person that originally made the videos had a specific intent that went along with the chosen music.

This all goes into the idea of fair use and when is it ok to use something to create something else.   This argument is a bit out of scope for this post.   What I can say is all of these videos still exist online, archived in far off pages.   It is sad that they can’t be displayed to wider audiences since most of them do have true genius in their design.

I thought this apt to add before anyone thought I had a holier then thou attitude in anyway because of my recent conversations.   I knew the risks and issues involved with posting these pieces.   I never claimed any part of the work was mine, and the most important thing is – I knew where it stood in the grand scheme of things before I did it.   I’m not saying you will never run into a spot where you won’t ever use copyright material.   Just be aware of what you are doing if you do.

I never truly finished my “Month With Mom Series“, I was working on the novel for NANOWRIMO, and then came back and ran out of steam to finish the blog article series.  It’s take me over a month, but I wanted to address a couple comments.  The first came from my youngest sister who still lives with my mother and step-father:

Ok well im just going to say what I feel . About the part 2 and part 3 , I feel she should of never ever took him back . He is not a father and doesnt act like one. He does not bother talking to us all the time except for my yonger brother usually. And is mean to the pets . I dont even like him living in the house . And seems like he doenst even try at all . But I still dont get what she see’s in him. When he was in Columbus it was better without him . But thats all im gonna say .

She seems to have some of the same feeling that I do on the issue, at least when it comes to how my mother dealt with my step-father during their separation and the reconciliation.    So this is similar feelings coming form someone that is thirty-two and someone that lives in that household and is thirteen.   This is also her father, it might be my step-father, but it is her father and this is the treatment she feels that she gets.  Don’t forget that I had another sister pipe in on her feelings.  My own father has read my series, but thought it would be best to not leave public comments, I guess in some ways he is a wise man.

This next comment was left by Groovymarlin who runs her own blog, but I knew through playing SWG with.  This comment was left on part 20 of the series (also the final part I finished).

I’ve been reading these all along and I have to say they’re fascinating, though maybe not for the reasons that you think. I’ll just summarize my thoughts so far:

1. Your mom is obviously a very shallow person. It also sounds like she was a little too selfish and self-centered to be a very good mom.

2. On the other hand, you were all fed, clothed, received medical care, etc., etc, growing up yes? My point being – she may not be a very good mom, but there are much WORSE moms.

3. A lot of your complaints about her sound pretty nit-picky to a third party. I’m sure that to you, just about everything she does is annoying and obnoxious and irritating. But to an outsider, a lot of the things she does sound like…things that middle-aged women do. However…

4. Your opinion and view of her has obviously been colored by the truly negative things she HAS done in the past, and therefore every one of her transgressions is magnified to you.

5. Your mom seems to have a bad habit of using people, but remember: people allow themselves to be used. Your grandparents in particular seem to have no problem allowing her to manipulate them. Is it right? No. Are they adults, and capable of deciding for themselves whether to allow this? Yes (at least as far as we know – if at some point due to age or health they become unable to make these decisions on their own, then there would be a real problem).

I think in general you’re handling the mom situation the right way, which is to just let her do her own thing, as long as it’s not hurting you or your own family. I feel pretty bad about some of the things she said about, to, and in front of your sister. That passive-aggressive shit is not cool, not from anyone, and especially not from a mother. But what can you do about that, other than give your sister your emotional support and help her do her own thing as well? Nothing.

People suck, don’t they?

Ever since I read this comment I thought it would be a good blog post on it’s own for a reply instead of loosing it in the noise of comments that no one would ever read, just like my sister’s comment above.  Though she says I’m handling this the right way and can see where I am coming from I wanted to address a couple of the points.

Point number two stated because we were clothed, fed,  and had medical care that she couldn’t have been a terrible mom, there are crack addict mothers that can do the same.   When I was 16 I had a job where I pulled a muscle in my chest.   It kept going for a few days where I didn’t tell anyone that I was having trouble breathing.   Everytime I took a deep breath it physically hurt ot breath.  Not to the point where I couldn’t breath, but to the point where I thought something was wrong with my heart since it was in that vincinity.  Like eveyr male I ignored it as long as possible and finally mentioned to my mother.

My mother thought I was making it up and yelled at me for making her take me to the doctor.   Stating she didn’t have the money for it (my parents were divorced by then).   I think my grandparents ending up paying for it.   It turned out I didn’t have heart problems like i was afraid, but a pulled chest muscle like I said.   I had been hyper-ventilating for days, which means taking breaths faster and more shallow then you normally would.  I hadn;t noticed since it seems we are taught when you are hyperventilating you are gasping for air.   I was proscribed codeine for the pain, every once in awhile to this day the problem will creep back for a week or two and I just deal with it since pain medication is the only thing they can proscribe.   My siblings have had similar doctor experiences where my mother only reluctantly took them after we plead the case to my grandparents since my mom thought it was some sort of attention plea.

I never asked for medical attention from my mother.   Besides getting teeth pulled for braces the last major medical thing tha tI had done was in elementary school when I got chronic ear aches.   So this wasn’t a case of my mother always dragging me ot the doctor and me haivng nothing wrong with me, it was serious to me, I was in tears fearing the worst about my condition and thinking it was my heart.

A similar issue goes with the getting fed thing, my mother has always chosen not work.  Because of this she happily took advantage of the free lunch program for the local schools.  I can’t say that my sibling are still on it, yet for two years of my high school I was.   It seemed to her better to get her kids free lunches then to get a job.    She has worked the welfare system so she could go on buying things from the home shopping network and Longaberger baskets, but send her children into the free lunch program.  that is selfish and naive, and if she had been cutting back on other things maybe I would have more sympathy and understanding.

So did she keep clothed, fed, and medical care – only when it suited her, she didn’t have pay, it didn’t effect other people’s appearance of her, or she was forced.   I still wonder what school officials thought about me wearing hundred dollar tennis shoes (since she wanted us to look our best) while getting free lunchs.

Number three stated I was pointing out alot of nit picky things – I mentioned earlier that alot fo these were small things, things that eventually broke me and caused me to cut off all communication with her.    I don’t deny some of hte things were small, but it is also the small things that shape us.   The big things we overcome; my mother didn’t beat me, she was the person that cared about herself first and her children second.

Number four stated that I magnify the issues and focus them on myself.   I was the whipping boy, after me it the third in line, then the fourth (my brother second in line didn’t get the whipping boy treatment), now it’s my sister that’s fifth in line.  I can say what I felt was slights to me and things that I have a right to complain about.   If one day my siblings decide to tell their own stories alot of similarities will line up, since this is what they tell me “off the record”.   Eventually maybe I’ll get some of them to talk about their own experiences more.

I’m also however not going to deny that I’m writing about the things she did that annoyed me or set me off.   These feelings will seem stronger to me then outside forces.    Some of it is truly petty, but I needed material to write and I did leave some bigger things off the record for the moment, writing this piece reminded me of the doctor’s issue I mentioned.    I’m not saying I’m done with this series, but for the moment I’m done writing about it.   I may do some more pieces in the future, but it will be about the larger things she did when I have the time, energy, and motivation to write about them.

If your interested here are the links to the stories so far:

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here

Read Part 7 Here

Read Part 8 Here

Read Part 9 Here

Read Part 10 Here

Read Part 11 here

Read Part 12 Here

Read Part 13 Here

Read Part 14 Here

Read Part 15 Here

Read Part 16 Here

Read Part 17 Here

Read Part 18 Here

Read Part 19 Here

Read Part 20 Here

I think I knew from our first date that my wife was going to be the one I was going to marry.   Granted I literally broke up with my ex the day before I asked her out, but it all worked out.   Though I was twenty -one and she was eighteen it was the first real date either of us had been on.   We had started “going out” with people before, but it was always meeting and doing things in social situations then you labeled as a couple and doing things was just being together and not really a date.  I did ask one girl out on a date previously, but it turned into a double date, so this was my first real date.

It was in September of 1997 and I managed to get off work early and get a hair cut, then I went out to one of our customers and bought her a bouquet of roses.   We went to Chi-Chi’s in Lorain, Ohio driving there in my 1986 Ford Escort.  I ordered a mexican pizza which they burned and she had me send back, and I believe she ordered the chimichanga’s .   We talked about going to the movies afterward and decided on Conspiracy Theory.   Walking to the car I asked her if I was the type of guy she could fall in love with (me=geek, not the best social skills).  She said maybe.   I asked her if I was the type of guy she could see herself marrying, she said she didn’t know.   We then drove over to the movie and had a wonderful time.

A few days later she was having problems with her parents, she was at a cross roads and all upset.  She was sitting on the front stoop of her friends house and that was the first time I ever told her I loved her.  She cried in my arms (not from me saying that, but because of the other stress) and said it back to me.   Three months later we were engaged. Thirteen months later on Jan 2, 1999 we got married.  From that first date until about 2004 when she went back to Ohio to visit family while I was stuck working in Oregon, we never spent more then 24 hours away from one another, over 2600 days of seeing each other at least once every day.

I’m not going to saying everything has always been fantastic, we’ve had our ups and downs.  We have managed to stay together and stay in love.   I love her more each day, and now she is going to be the mother of my child (last year we did say we would do something special for our 10th).  We are opposites, but we are also twins, we are stronger together then we are apart.  We are both critical thinkers, yet I’m the only one that thinks she is the better of the two of us – so sometimes she is wrong.

She is the core of my being and the center of my universe, even though I don’t always show it.   Her thoughts and dreams revolve around mine, like mine do around her.   She is my wife, and I love her.

Day late…

If you haven’t caught on to this series yet I have mother issues.   Because I have my mother issues I need to sit down and logically recognize what they actually do to me.  Things my mother has made me.

Growing up I was extremely self conscious of everything, how I looked, who had what, etc…  What has happened as an adult is that I just don’t care.   I don’t care what you have.  I want what I want for my own reasons.   As I’m getting older I can care less what society thinks about me, so essentially I’ve become the polar opposite of my mother.   Though Xie will tell me that isn’t always the case.

Because of growing up in my household I learned to thrive in chaos.   This is great in some of things I do since I can make order out of chaos (well at the same time creating more chaos around the thing I made in order).  Unfortunately for those around me this isn’t always a conducive environment for those that deal with me.

I get my anger from my father, and I’ve spent many years getting that in check and controlling.   It’s something I have to deal with.  I have learned however people like my mother are the ones that are most likely to set me off at a moments notice.  This is why I didn’t marry a girl like dear old mom.   My father after the divorce seems to have his anger issues in check, can we say common denominator?

I base(d) alot of what I know about relationships from my parents and their interaction.   When things aren’t going well in my own relationships I’m completely oblivious since things aren’t explosive like my parent’s relationship was.  While our child isn’t born yet we don’t know truly who the enabler and the disciplinarian will be.   I’m pegged for the enabler, and that’s not necessary a good thing.   If I get that from anyone it’s going to be my mother.   I just need to make sure my son doesn’t become a spoiled brat.

Frustration at stupidity.  The exasperation I get over comments that are idiotic, that comes completely from my mother.   I have mentioned her belief that ninja humanoid turtles were possible. I used to do all of her proof reading for her college homework when I was in high school, and I was responsible for the rewrites.  When I was about fourteen she said she was smarter then me.   What she may have meant to said was wiser, though I don’t think that was the case, since if she was wiser or smarter she would have said the word wiser.   Also for anyone wishing to defend her on that one, she still says she is smarter (Oprah must have told her she was).  I have a standing offer to pay for an IQ test so we can settle this once and for all, if she is write (highly unlikely) I may just kill myself since it will be proof that intelligence means nothing. On a side note recently I was just talking about sitting for the Mensa exam.  I don’t know if I’m Mensa smart, I may not be, but I’m confident enough to actually sit for the test.

The last thing is I get insane over little requests people ask of me.   I better be in the right frame of mind because I can go ballistic if it’s something they can do for themselves.   I’ll give you the story I use to describe this whenever I talk to someone about her.   When I was in high school I told my mother I was going to be taking a bath (yes I’m a boy and I like baths get over it).  She acknowledged me and said she was going ot cook dinner.  At this point everything is fine and dandy.   About 10 minutes later I’m in the middle of reading a book and my mother starts screamiming my name.   Now this isn’t a your in trouble name scream, nor was it a where are you at name scream.  What it sounded like was the “OMG THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE” scream.   I threw on a towel and rush down the stairs.

Well the emergency?  My mother needed a wash cloth to do dishes .  Her answer about me being in the bath?  “I forgot”.  In ten minutes she forgot what she had been told and acknowledged (and I’m sure she heard the bath water run) and put all of that aside for her immediate need of a wash cloth.   To make matters worse, she thought I was down in my room.   Now our family was a plit level.  The kitchen on the main floor, the bathroom on the second floor, and my bedroom on the lower floor.   In theory give or take ten feet I would have had to expend the same amount of energy to come from my room or the bathroom to come to the kitchen.   She would have expended half the energy (minus the energy to start yelling) to go down to the second floor and get it herself.  It was absolute pure laziness.   I pointed it out to her, and she didn’t care.   She wasn’t old or invalid, she was healthy and approxiamately the same age as I am now.   The worst part, I was dripping wet, freezing, and I still had to get the washcloth.

I was a sucker and should have said no, but I was a mama’s boy.  That story though is an example of many many things that are quite similar.   Because of her necessity or decorating the house for the holidays, I now loath decorating for the holidays/  I have never had a christmas tree in my  house, that may change next year with the kid on the way.   Compared to my mother’s house and her record breaking three christmas trees she did one year, my house will be quite sparse.

My mother likes to tell people how things are to be decorated and have everyone else do the work.   After the divorce I became the man of  the house.   I learned to loath the holidays.  When your mother is healthy you shouldn’t be fifteen and being Santa Claus setting up the tree late at night for your siblings, but yet I was.  I love the holidays, I just hat emy mothers version of them.  These days though i’m preferring Halloween over Christmas, black and gory for the win.

Ok  I’m stopping now otherwise this will become the post that will never end.

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

Read Part 3 Here

Read Part 4 Here

Read Part 5 Here

Read Part 6 Here

Read Part 7 Here

Read Part 8 Here

Read Part 9 Here

Read Part 10 Here

Read Part 11 here

Read Part 12 Here

Read Part 13 Here

Read Part 14 Here

Read Part 15 Here

Read Part 16 Here

Read Part 17 Here

Recently I did a forum interview on the swg forums (thread is located here), I didn’t re-subscribe, I just visited the forums during SWG’s free month back special.   Here is the text of that interview:

-Forum Related-

Forum Name:

Brentgueth aka “Creeva”

Any particular reason or meaning behind your Forum Name?

I’ll let everyone figure out the obvious.

Is there any particular board on the Forums that you like/hate? Why?
The Intrepid board. Some people don’t realize that there is a lot of history here and back in the day it was quite fast moving. By the time you answered a post there would fifty new posts. It kept me active and made me a part of the community

Beyond that I hung out in the entertainer forum a lot since I believe the entertainer class is part of qhat makes SWG unique and special. I’m rabidly anti-afk it was SOE’s stance in not patrolling or punishing for AFK that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

Any particular forum topic that you are fond of?

Anything community related or inspired.  The community is what made SWG and Intrepid great.  If it wasn’t for the community we had the game wouldn’t have lasted past six months.

Favorite threads?

Intrepid Has a No Grind……
Clarks House…… <—I remember this thread too, Hilarious.

Any Forum personalities that catch your fancy? (Person who’s posts make you laugh or like to read)

In no real order:

Corndog
Keltrien
Padre
Qitu
Darthtuefel
Irasha
Shikazi

-Character Related-

Main Character you play:

Creeva Murkado – Twi’lek for the win – Lekkus Until Death

Any backstory to their name?

to the name – no it was something I made up in 10 seconds and went with.  On the front side though, creeva has become my avatar name for almost every online service I use.  Because of Intrepid I’m extremely attached to that name – I even own creeva.com.

What profession are they? Any particular reason why you chose that profession?

Entertainer for life.  I respecced to other professions only to get the badges.  Beyond that I’m a full time entertainer.  During CU I briefly tried BH and pre-nge I was 90% of the time master entertainer/master musician/master rifleman.

I originally started a character on Gorath – his name was Jonathan Lysak (sp?) – the third day after launch Gorath was down and Xie ‘lanthia and I wanted to play.  I said you know what would be funny – let’s make entertainers – that should be good for a laugh.   We randomly chose Intrepid because that server was up.  The rest is history.

Sometimes fate just happens to put in a place and position that surprises you and is the perfect fit.

Any interesting Chapters to you Characters life?(Marriage, Kids, War Hero, Galatic Senator, Winner of the Intergalatic Pie Eating Contest)

Grrrr.  This is a hard one – but let’s hit the highlights

Starting Planet – Talus
Moved to Tyrena – Where My Heart Will Always
Member of Star Dragon Entertainment – Intrepid’s First Entertainer Troupe
Winner with the Def Stars In the First Intrepid Jam Bonanaza
Performed at every Groovefest (I think) – worked and helped Xie organize entertainers for the first one (She did most the work)
Founding Mayor of Symphonia
Founding Member of DEF
Founding Member of STARS
Founding Member of IPS
Fighter for entertainer rights
Helped organize and participated in the Intrepid Anti-Decay Protest
Helped Enchi-Lada rename a house Clark’s House and caused mass confusion
Was at Moya’s Wedding
Started the Museum Movement
Founded the first somewhat comprhensive Museum  – my buildings were the second museum on the server (though I announced first and they built theirs before I completed gathering things)
The first Intrepid funeral for a character was in my name
Founding Mayor of Pirates Retreat
Ran SNN – The Stars News Network – when INN was no more
Did behind the music columns on the forums for retired musicians
Maintainer of the Intrepid History Project at starsofintrepid.com (it’s a wiki go update your entry)

um…is that enough

That’ll Do Creeva, That’ll Do.

Roleplayer?

Roleplaying Light thank you

Are you in a guild? If so which one and why?

Currently?  Well I think I am still in STARS

In the past – I helped found DEF to be Intrepid’s first and only Entertainer Guild.   I did the same with STARS (it didn’t have the staying power – or rather Xie and I didn’t have the staying power to work at it) – I was also briefly in NWO.

How many years have you played SWG? Taken any extended breaks from the game?

I started at launch  – I’ve taken extended breaks here and there – I theory I’m still on extended break.   I will come back officially when it’s Intrepid’s final month as a server and play in the Tyrena the final day until the servers go black.  I don’t care if that’s in 2 months or 20 years, I will do my best to keep that word.

Over the time you played SWG what is your favorite memory?

That’s not fair – I guess if I had to pick – winning the first Intrepid Jam Bonanaza by being the first entertainer group to actually use lyrics instead of just playing flourishes.

Though the people, hanging out, being at home – that’s what makes Intrepid great and that’s what I remember the most.

What is the funniest/most embarrassing moment you’ve had in the game?

Arguing with Moya’ over toilet placement in the galaxy. <—First Crafted Toilet on Intrepid if I remember correctly.

-Other People-

Favorite person you’ve played with over your characters lifespan?

Xie ‘lanthia

What you would say to them if they were in game and the server was getting it’s plug pulled tomorrow?

e-mail me – you can get the email address from creeva.com or use the contact me form there – I would give you my e-mail address to post – but for some reason SOE doesn’t like that and messages get deleted that way.

Favorite Guild or Group of people you’ve played with?

DEF and STARS

If you participate in the GCW what player would you call your most Respected Nemesis?

AFKers – there is always a war on them.  I miss when I could break AFK macros by stealing their nalargon or omnibox.

-The Game Itself-

Favorite Iteration of the game? (NGE, CU, Pre-CU) And Why?

Pre-Cu – the possibility and purity of hte game – instead of hte watered down version

Favorite Pet/Droid? Why?

The AFK bunny – he dances AFK for credits – though I tell everyone to make sure not to tip me.

Favorite Weapon or Armor you’ve had? Why?

Davinci “Widow Maker” Laser Rifle – When it was created it was the post powerful rifle ever made on the server (my character still has it) – and an entertainer owned it

Favorite Profession in the game? (Past or Present)

Entertainer

Your preferred GUI color palette and Keymap?

Imperial – and custom keymap to be pre-nge controls

Favorite Emote of all time?

Don’t know – I /waved a lot though

Favorite in game Location/Planet? (Lake Retreat/Naboo etc.)

My original musuems in Symphonia

Favorite Server?

Intrepid

What keeps you logging in to SWG through the good and the bad? If you no longer log into the game what things do you remember that kept you playing?

The People

-The Player-

Any SW related collectibles that you are proud of?

I have some toys – but I won’t stand on the fact that there is anything I’m proud of – I do own the PS1 game Masters of The Tera Kasi still sealed.

Favorite Movie/SW book?

A New Hope

Favorite Food/Snack?

Pizza

What hobbies do you have outside of SWG?

Blogging (creeva.com) – I’m right now working on a novel for national novel writing month, I perform in two community bands playing trumpet, and video game collecting.

Your Country/Hometown?

Ohio

What is the one thing to see if we come to your Hometown?

a normal ohio small town

Any of your family members or relatives remind you of a particular SW character?

My wife distinctly reminds me of Xie ‘lanthia

And most importantly if SWG player showed up at your door because they were stranded in your hometown you would:

I’d keep them for the night.  The only player that I didn’t work with at one point (Wong-Fei-Hung and Astrolite) that I’ve met was Moya’ I took her and her husband to dinner once.

At one point in this whole debacle where I stopped talking to my mom, Xie thought she would try to mend things. She dropped me off at burger king to eat and went over to my mothers to talk (this is all second hand mind compared to most things I’ve written). Xie sat her down and told her she was going to push her children away one by one if she continued down the path she was going. That my mother had to pick herself up, get a job and move forward being an example (I’m sure Xie will comment on this story to fill in more details).

The selfish thing my mom said to my wife? “You don’t have to have a job why should I?”

Now because this is second hand I normally wouldn’t have included this, but I wanted to point out Xie’s effort. This wasn’t the first time my mother had said this. There are a lot of answers to this.

1. Xie has a supportive husband that hadn’t left her once and possibly will again
2. Xie spends her free time learning and expanding herself – my mothers expansion comes from Oprah and Dr. Phil
3. Xie doesn’t have two children at home not even teenagers yet that need to eat and hopes daddy will give mommy child support money
4. Xie isn’t a leech that feels entitled to it, she has offered to work many times, I don’t understand why both of us need to be miserable for a few extra bucks

While my mother is grazing the home shopping network for things to buy, Xie is doing Algebra out of text books for fun. There is a world of difference. Most notably my mother needed an income she could trust to take care of her kids and not ask friends and family for money to get by.

I will now give you an example I have full memory and first hand knowledge of. It was at a family holiday dinner a few years ago at my grandparents and somehow the morbid subject of what we would like if my grandparents passed on. I stated I would only want one thing, a cedar chest crafted by my grandmother’s cousin. My grandmother chimed in that it was going to be given to her cousins family, well my grandmother has been saying that my whole life, so for thirty years it’s still been sitting there. My mother then said I couldn’t have it because she wanted it. Selfish? Well let’s continue this story.

A few minutes later my mother asked me why I wanted the chest because she thought it was ugly and tacky. I said it was something that would always remind me of my grandparents, their house, and the memories. To me the chest is kind of like a symbol of my grandparents. This prompted me though to ask why did she want it if it was ugly? Her answer? She said she wanted it because I said I wanted it. So I was shocked and called her selfish, I think that was my annual fight that year and I left. It was petty, you would think as adamant as she was when she said she wanted it, that somehow I knew there was a secret stash of money tucked away in it. Nope, she is just worried about someone else getting something she can’t. What a great mother.

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My grandfather taught me a thing or two about respect.  I’m not going to say we see eye to eye, but I did manage to learn a few things.   The largest being that you earn respect.   My father taught me that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.  My mother never learned either of those two lessons.   Somehow because she had the biological ability of having children that it meant that her children would have to respect her.   I however never had such a notion.  I also have never claimed that my mother was the sharpest tack in the pile.

My mother complained a lot to me that my seventeen year old sister called her a bitch all the time.   I stated that this was normal for seventeen year olds.   I also felt that my sister was working 20-30 hours a week, going to school, and planning for her future was better grounded then my mother who worked maybe 4 hours a week.  My mother would call my sister a bitch, and wonder why she got the word thrown back at her.   I’ve brought this up to her and she denies it.   I have witnessed it though.   Xie has witnessed it. My sisters can attest to it.   However my mother turned my grandparents against my sister over this.   They thought was sister was the wild child that no one can control (do we need to go back to school and work compared to my mother?).  They thought my mother didn’t deserve that language tossed at her.   They also have a strong refusal to believe that my mother would ever call any of her children such language.

HA.

My mother was using that language directed at my sisters before they were even teenagers.   My grandparents still think that I (in my thirties mind you) is still just telling stories and making things up about my mother. I don’t know how my grandfather who taught me you have to earn respect ever gained it for my mother. The only thing that comes to mind is that she is a woman. Xie sometimes gets annoyed when my grandfather states that if I die, that I need to make sure that I provide for her. My grandfather is a bit sexist and thinks that women have a hard time to provide for themselves. I don’t completely fault the man, he comes from a different generation and my grandparents fit into very traditional gender roles that younger generations don’t follow any more.

Their daughter has not earned the respect of any of her children. Instead of inspiring her children to do more and be an example, she tries to elicit pity from them. This isn’t anger, my mom generally gets pity to pity her so she can get things. This is her control mechanism. This is why my brother states he will take care of her and my grandparents still do. I want help from people because I need help, not because they pity me. To be pitied is all around just sad, to be truly undeserving of pity because you got yourself into the mess; doubly so.

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Stargate SG-1 Season 3, SG-1 greatness continues – nuff said.

Amazon’s synopsis:

The third season of the popular science fiction series is included in its entirety in this collection. Colonel Jack O’Neill (Richard Dean Anderson) leads his interplanetary crew into numerous adventures throughout the many galaxies.

One of the contingencies of helping out my mother was that she worked forwarding helping herself.   Xie made this clear that this was a stipulation, no hand outs for my mother.  I completely agreed (I actually believed in this before Xie said anything).  With that being said we planned on helping my mother get through this and move on.

Little did I know…….

My mother worked maybe 4 hours a week helping out at the school system (I’ve heard now she has a full time job), this had been going on for sometime.   For over 20 years my mother seemed incapable of getting a job that took her away from home or fun time for more then a few hours a week.   She had a a few part time jobs, after her first divorce she did a stint in college that lasted a whole one semester – I was her proof reader and grader.  I think I even typed up her papers.   However she never took a job.

I’ve seen mothers in cities begging on the streets for their kids.  I’ve seen parents struggle and work extreme hours to provide for their kids.   From what I have seen my mother is incapable of those kind of altruistic intentions.  As long as she is comfortable and can have someone else support she is in heaven.  If she is running lean, she goes to my grandparents.  She will go to my grandparents before attempting to do something on her own.

When we came back it didn’t look like she was going to get back together with my stepfather.   She would literally cry about how she didn’t deserve what was happening to her.   She would cry because she didn’t have money to fix up the house.   Never once did she cry about providing for her children.   We kept telling her to get a full time job and support herself.   She wouldn’t hear of it.  She said that day care would cost too much. We were ready for that excuse.

Xie and I offered to be full time babysitters for free. This was so she could go out and get a job and provide for her own family. She once tried to do a pity story on me implying a some financial support. I would not give her any money. I had told her that when I first moved back and I was sticking to it. She was an adult. She chose a path in life and she had to deal with the consequences.

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I moved back to Ohio in October of 2005.   My mother had been going through a hard time.   Between my grandfather’s medical issues going on and my mother needing help, I thought it was best if I was closer to family again.   I had been away for over four years and had only visited twice.

My mother was going through a separation.   My step-father thought Columbus (2.5 hours away driving) had a better job market.   My mother didn’t want to leave her house.  Instead of working it out in any sane fashion that couples normally do they split up.  Xie and I both believe that he had someone on the side, or he was hopeful of someone on the side.  Either way things imploded in that house, some things I know form my mother, other things I’m sure that I don’t.   Either way that is none of my business.   I wanted my mother to be happy and move on.

When I first moved back Xie and I were living with her parents.   Not too bad, the only major problem was internet.   They lived out in the middle of nowhere and no high speed internet was available.  So I did the 40 minute commute to my mother’s every day to get online.   After about a month or of this I got a cellular modem to help alleviate the time and cost.

While I was there my mother was living off the stipend my step-father was paying her.   She had grand plans of living off child support (like she did with the child support she had received for four kids from my father).  Her youngest daughter (with my father) was dropping off of child support soon, so if divorce went forward she would be getting child support for the two children she had with my step-father.

My mother wasn’t too bright though.   She talked about how my grandparents were offering to pay off the house if the divorce went through (they denied this when I confronted them on it).   Her thought was she would put the house money in the bank and keep paying the mortgage so she could get the tax deduction.   The only thing was, child support was not taxable.   She was the one that told me it was non-taxable income.   So in her mind, even though she didn’t have any taxable income, she would still get a refund.   I couldn’t seem to get it through her head that if you don’t pay taxes you won’t get a refund.   Some things don’t go through to the comatose I guess.

More tomorrow….

Read Part 1 Here

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Picture from here

I wanted to take this moment to wish you all a happy halloween.  I’m not dressing up this year.  I had contemplated doing a Mister Rogers costume, but with important meetings today it just didn’t seem right.   This afternoon we have a chili cooking competition at work (I don’t cook chili so I’ll just be eating).   I’m going with Xie to the OBGYN for an appointment, hoping everything is ok.

Tonight I may get a chance to see Zack and Mirii Make a Porno, here’s hoping.   May you eat all the candy you can, yet not too much that you get sick all over yourselfs.

Earlier this week this email (it’s been edited to protect names- edits in italics) showed up in my inbox:

Hi Brent.. I just want to know that I miss talking to you.  I am thrilled for you and XIE as you await the birth of your new little son.  I remember when the two of you came to see YOUR YOUNGEST BROTHER and I after he was born saying you will neve have kids and I said oh give yourself another ten years things may change.  Here you are….I am sure XIE is getting all prepared, reading planning, etc.  I think she will do great during  delivery, they have so many different ways to help with relaxation during labor.  After YOUR SON is born the two of you will be so amazed at that moment and your life will change forever.  You will never look at certain things the same way again.  And the way a new baby smells, its a special scent that only lasts a few days then fades away to the sweet smell of baby lotion bath wash.  You will see, I think its a good thing for both of you, you will have alot of fun.

Love mom

Now grammar and spelling mistakes I didn’t touch, just the names to protect some people’s identity.  When I told Xie about the e-mail she was miffed that my mother didn’t call.   I told her that was the only smart thing my mother did for this situation.  I’m sure my mother knows by now that if I heard her voice I would have just hung up the phone and she wouldn’t have had a chance to get anything out.    Score one point for my mother.  Though I’m going to make the wild assumption that she didn’t assume I was going to post this on my blog.

I read the e-mail out loud to Xie.   I started reading it in my mothers tone and voice pattern (I do a fairly passable impression of her speaking mannerisms).   I didn’t make it through the first sentence before Xie said she would smack me up side the head if I didn’t read it normal.   I submitted and read it normal.   The first thing Xie said after her rant on my mother e-mailing, was “So she wrote that whole thing to say ‘I told you so’.”  I replied with “Yep.”

One point of view could be said that my mother is attempting to repair a bridge between a fractured relationship.   Like eveyrthing else my mother attempts to do this is a selfish act.   When I was younger she put guilt trips on me for not having kids because she wanted grandkids (bear in mind I’m the oldest of her 6 kids so she was bound to have grandkids).   My brother already has a daughter and a son that should be born in the next couple weeks.  My brother is on speaking and family terms with my mother so she has two grandkids she would have access to.   My mother’s only access to me is messages that my siblings or my grandmother deliver.   The only message I ever send back is that I don’t care.

As it stands right now my grandchild will never have access to her.  I know how she screwed me up my siblings and myself (though I have a different world view, so I’m sure they think that I’m the one that’s screwed up).   I don’t want to risk exposing my child to that.   After my child is of legal driving age and can take himself over there, it will all be in his court on what he decides to do.  My child won’t be forbidden from going there, but I’ve been told that I’m not welcome there and can’t come over.  So I’m holding that to heart for the rest of time.

My point of view if you haven’t figured this out, is that my mom wants to be seen as the good grandmother.    She follows the theory in life that it’s better to appear good then be good.   Now I’m not going to say that I am any sort of saint.  I am who I am.   I don’t put on false airs for anyone.   I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not.   I’m rough, I’m honest, and I can be brutally blunt.   I’m used to that and I can deal with the consequences, because I enjoy who I am.

I haven’t put more than a passing thought into my mother in the last year.   When someone mentions her I give my knee jerk “I don’t care answer” and forget about her.   But this email has forced me to bring the pasts thoughts to light (just when I’m in a peaceful place again).   So in the upcoming month look for some articles about the problems I have with my mother.   This email may look like an honest attempt for reconciliation by some, but I know my mother’s methods.  I will concede that is what she believes she is doing in her mind.   She is just too naive to really look at herself for who she is though.

GU Comics by: Woody Hearn

The above image is from the latest comic from GU Comics.   The irony is that I was having this conversation with Xie last night.  I haven’t logged into the game for a few days, but she gave me her story of what happened to her, and I read it about it yesterday at work.    I still don’t understand how an Undead can be turned into a Zombie.   I’ve also had an issue with being able to Rez and undead.   I don’t understand how it can be done or the logistics around it.   Blizzard has shown we’re not zombies, are we original bad rezs that cna’t be truly brought back?   Why isn’t there a 1 and million chance every time you die to come back as a more complete being.   The healers can’t all be that bad.