November 5, 2007

by — Posted in Personal Writing


Tired of receiving mounds of unsolicited letters and offers in the mail? Want to fight back? Want to get rid of that old tire in your garage that the garbage man won't take? Then read on......

If you're curious why this document was developed, it was due to the hundreds of unsolicited letters sent to me by a very annoying company called MCI. They love to mail people unsolicited letters 1-2 times per week despite requesting to be taken off their mailing lists. Well, here's a completely LEGAL way to fight back against idiots like MCI. You can mail their junk back to them for FREE using their own postage-paid envelopes. The only catch is that it will be attached to 50 lbs of additional junk you've gathered from around your house (rocks, bricks, old shingles, etc.). This works, so please read on....

Step 1 - Take those annoying postage-paid envelopes that you get in the mail and stuff them full of any garbage you may have (other envelopes, dinner scraps, etc.). Whatever trash you can squeeze into the envelope will mean less trash you have to take out to the curb later in the week. Feel free to include any original forms that the spammer sent you that includes your name and address, so they can perhaps take you off their mailing lists.

Step 2 - Find an old box that can hold a considerable amount of junk (or weight). Make sure the junk you'll be mailing back can fit inside. Don't use your favorite box, as the recipient will probably not mail the items back to you...

Step 3 - You'll be mailing your postage-paid packages via the United States Postal Service (USPS). The USPS says that you can use a postage-paid envelope attached to any object or package (no dead animals, bombs, etc.) as long as it weighs no more than 72 lbs. Be sure to maximize the weight of your package, within limits, for the ultimate effect and cost to the spammer. Old tires are great objects to send since the garbage man usually won't take them!!! Shingles, tires, rocks, bricks, and basically any form of junk will work just fine. You can even tape the envelope to a large rock if you want.....it's all LEGAL.

Step 4 - Insert your junk object into the box. If there is any extra room, and you have not exceeded the 72 lb maximum, but sure to insert more junk. Check your kitchen trash can for old milk cartons or opened cans. Perhaps, even some large rocks from your driveway will fill the voids?

Step 5 - Neatly seal the box with packing tape. If you've stuffed your package with objects like shingles, which tend to shred into small pieces and fall out of the cracks, be sure you've sealed the entire box. Try to secure any loose objects that may cause the guy at the Post Office to get too suspicious. They'll already be very curious why you're mailing this type of package. If they try to give you a hard time, be sure to advise them that this is totally legal and you have the right to do so as long as you are within USPS guidelines. Any postage-paid envelope is legal.

Step 6 - If you just so happen to receive unsolicited mail from MCI, be sure to join my crusade to make them stop the junk mailings that clutter our mailboxes. Mail that postage-paid envelope back to them either attached to a 72 lb rock, or just by itself (stuffed with as many old torn envelopes as possible). Either way, it'll go back to the sender at their expense. You won't have to take out as much trash this week, and you'll feel good knowing you've perhaps given a signal to the spam mailers worldwide who clutter our mailboxes with their unwanted garbage. Hey, if you're mailing one back to MCI, be sure to tell them I sent you....and give them all my love.

Step 7 - Secure the postage-paid envelope to the box with packing tape. For some extra laughs, tell all your friends what you're planning to do. Email them this document so they can share in the fun.

Step 8 - Take one last look at the final package before you make your way to the post office. Laugh out loud and then tell more of your friends what you're about to do.

Step 9 - Take the package to any post office in the United States. Smile and hand the person at the desk your package. Tell them this is a postage-paid package and they'll haul it off to the backroom. From there, it'll be sent back to those mass-mailing idiots where they'll have to dispose of your garbage. Pat yourself on the back for doing your good deed for the day. Repeat process when required. Enjoy.

If you mail the spammer enough times, they may take you off their mailing list. They may also call your local Post Office to ban you from any further postage-paid mailings to them if you include your name and address anywhere on or in the package, so if you enjoy this type of revenge, keep it anonymous. After I mailed MCI six packages (tires, shingles, rocks, etc.), they banned me from mailing postage-paid packages from my local post office, but I can still drive 1 mile to the next post office with no problems.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.