Becoming a Parent – Part 1

June 18, 2009

by — Posted in Family and Friends, Personal Writing

The birth of my son, it’s something I haven’t explicitly written about, until now.   It’s been almost four months and it’s now of those thing that you experience and you wonder how can I write about this.   It’s also one of those things when your someone who shares so much about yourself online you say how can you not.  Not writing about yet has put a writing anchor around my neck where I haven’t known where to go or what to write.  It is a roadblock to getting other writing done.  It’s an emotional roller coaster that of course goes back to the beginning, which is further back then some of you know already.  I guess it’s best to start at the beginning and see where it goes.

This journey started back in 2007.  Sometime around the August/September time frame we found out that Xie was pregnant.  Then a week or two later we were told she went through a miscarriage.   This was a back and forth thing of the doctor’s stating one thing and then back tracking later.   On October 31st 2007 I got a call at work from Xie that she was being taken to the hospital.   What had happened is that she was going through an ectopic pregnancy.  What this means is that fetus had started to form inside the tubes instead of the uterus.   They had to perform surgery to make sure that she would survive.  Unfortunately there was no possible to save the fetus.

My family only found out about the pregnancy at all because I called my grandparents and my father to tell them what was going on since the doctor’s had told Xie that she had to have the operation that day or things could get dire.   I wanted my support channels in place without a surprise about why she was in the hospital.   Originally you think when someone is pregnant you don’t tell the whole family immediately, we didn’t.   When we thought she had a miscarriage that there wasn’t a need for them to know.   However it got down to crunch time with the hospital visit.  That night the surgery essentially saved Xie’s life, but yet took the life of our possible first child.

I took it hard, and Xie took it hard.   I had been down this road once before.  In college within two days of each other, two different girls told me they were pregnant.  A month or two down the road, with different circumstances they both had miscarriages.  While politically I am pro-choice, I wouldn’t choose abortion for my own child.  So whether this was teenage girls saying one thing to get their way, or if they were actually pregnant – it doesn’t matter.  In the end from someone who has to side with the truth, even though facts and situations may skewer the truth differently – emotionally I lost two children that year.  With the ectopic pregnancy I lost a third.

They assured us that even with one tube that many people can still have a baby and it things could go completely normal.  Xie stayed up and cried that night.  Partly from sadness, partly from hormones, and partly from what-ifs.   I cried with her.  I comforted her the best that I could.  I’m not always the most emotionally there person at all times, and that frustrates Xie. We made it through it though.   In the end we left the hospital with a one inch high teddy bear that they gave her.  We still have this and it sits on our shelf.

Continued in part 2 coming tomorrow.

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